Bolong's Blog

Living Life makes Bolong a very poor boy...

2012-01-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

As usual, being the penny-pinching guy I am, I'm here to whine about my biggest concern in my unexciting life again - my finances. Spent more than a full month's pay in this week alone. It's all with good reason though, so I'm not whining too much. Let me break it down to you. So, in the past week I've spent a grand total sum of $1150.10. There was that first $200 I parted with in camp, when we had to give the first payment of the Commissioning ball to the committee. The second payment would be another $200 #holeinmypocketmuch after Thailand, so thankfully, that isn't counted into my week's expenditure. And then, there's an iPod Touch for $330. I finally got a second-hand 64GB 3rd generation from this girl on HWZ.com, so now I will no longer be complaining about lack of space for new music. Jay Chou and S.H.E can now come back to my iPod music library, thank you guys for your patience. So it's pretty exciting stuff - I've been spending the last few days getting apps and all the other jingly stuff I'll need. I spent another 1.5 hours today at Funan IT Mall and bought the only matte screen-protector for iPod Touch 3G in the entire mall. There was also only one shop which sold covers for the iTouch 3G, but it was really disappointing-looking so I didn't get it. I came home to look online and found this really shit-awesome place overstock.com which sells a lot of cheap shit. Makes me regret spending all that time and money at Funan today. So I bought a nice cover (FOR USD$3) for my iTouch, and because things are so cheap, I bought another silicon case + matte screen protector (FOR USD$4) just in case. The only thing though, is that it only ships within US so you've got to have an international shipping service hooked on to your mailing address. My brother has Borderlinx so HURRAH for that.

And that brings me to my next purchase. I bought a Barnes & Noble NOOK Simple Touch through Borderlinx as well (they don't sell to international customers directly). Don't know what's that? Click on the hyperlink at nook in a new tab! My brother got his a few weeks ago and I hate to follow in my brother's footsteps in stuff he does (though sometimes as a younger brother I inevitably fall into them) but this is a really good buy. Mainly because I plan to load in all the lame-ass self-help books on starting a business (aligned with my plans of enriching myself about entrepreneurship during the two years of NS), all of which I'm either too embarrassed to buy from a book store or feel like the book could be all fluff and not worthy of my precious pennies. I felt happier (and more accomplished) buying this than the iPod Touch though. One step closer to future success. MUAHAHAHAHA. And because I bought the nook, I gotta buy a cool case to fit it in, of which Barnes & Noble's a monopoly of so yeowch all pretty expensive but really atas. I can imagine how I will walk on the streets holding my classy nook with my nose in the air and all. Must watch the lampposts in front when I walk like that though. Anyway. The only bad-surprise came when I was at checkout, and then I realised that my brother's been lying to me all the time, telling me the nook was $99 and all that, till it hit me that it was all USD. And then there's a coupon code I could use from retailmenot.com but that's just a few dollars. My final checkout totaled to an estimate of $168 in SGD.

And besides all the money I spent on a new mouse, a pair of cheap earpieces for jogging and the lunch / brunch / dinners, today I drew $250 to change to thousands of dollars in Thai Bahts for the pathetic two days of R&R in Thailand. I felt a sense of independence then - complete financial independence. Ohley! That sums it up I guess.

Two more hours now and I'll have to be on the car to the airport to be on the plane to Thailand to be on the 5-hour bus ride to Sai Yok camp. Quite exciting leh. Here are some photos to end it.

Weeks left you can count on two hands.

2012-01-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

Thoughts from my reflections.

In the few days of interaction with commanders and 5SIR’s CO, then Lieutenant Zhen Ming’s talk to the platoon on Friday as well as the commissioning parade on Saturday, I have been thinking about what being an officer entails. Throughout the few months I have been here, my opinion of an officer has always been evolving, as I observe from the commanders around me and as I start to learn more about what the responsibilities of an officer are.

In BMT, I viewed officers as merely another form of leadership, though mainly in planning and organization, as compared to sergeants who are “on-the-ground”. It might have been the examples around me, or my limited vision of what an officer does, being an officer never seemed difficult to me. The process of becoming an officer sounded tough, but with commissioning, the good life comes. That was the impression cast on me, as well as most of the people around me. I’ve recently come to realise that was a completely warped perception. If one came to OCS with the hopes of having a “good life” after commissioning, one shouldn’t be there. It was only until recently did I piece together and truly understand how much responsibility comes with the word “commissioned officer”. Sure, with the black bar comes power – power by ranking – but most truly, as the Marvel Spiderman said, “with great power comes great responsibility”.

The best example of officers I see are those who dedicate their weekends for their duties and paperwork, because they want to be out on field with their men. They are the first to be down on the ground, the first to leopard crawl to lead their men by example, the first to wake up and start on preparation for activities as conducting or safety, and then on the other end, the last to sleep after a full day of activities, the last to finish up work and go home on weekends, the last to enjoy privileges such as nights out or to go on leave.

There is elation with the throwing of the peak cap, signifying the end of cadet life, the end of a grueling journey and learning experiences, but yet as it literally crashes back on the ground; the weight of responsibility landing squarely on our shoulders, it’s the beginning of another journey, tough in different ways, fulfilling in different ways, but a demanding journey nonetheless.

Last few weeks in pictures...

2012-01-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

Phoenix at Kallang.
Lunch at Fat Boys @ Kallang, which is a pretty good place for food if you'd ask me - reasonable price, filling and good taste. Brought the camera out cause I thought the last time Phoenix cam-whored was ages ago, and I do miss those times, honestly. Coincidentally it was a shared sentiment - Su brought her polariods as well and there, some photo-count activity on Facebook again. Visited Katong I12 as well, quite a posh interior for a mall in the "heartlands", spotted quite a couple cool chocolatiers in the mall as well. And then there's that rooftop water-playground which totally pwns the Vivocity one flat on its face. Pictures will explain it.

Ann Siang Hill
You know what? I think the past couple weeks' been pretty solo. OCS's been eating up my weekends so much, what's left remaining of it isn't good enough to strike up a gathering, or maybe I'm too lazy, I didn't bother trying. Recently it hit me how much we actually do have to sacrifice for the sake of training up to be an officer, it's a tough life, honestly, and it isn't going to get better with commissioning. It's all about trade-offs, but that shall be another post altogether. This trip was taken on the previous Sunday, a short trip of photo-taking and book-reading before I booked in at night. I think the fact that I traveled somewhere else already makes me feel like I've made use of my weekend. More photos on Facebook.

Box of Memories.
If you have excellent memory, you might recall that slightly more than a month ago, before I headed off for JCC, I said I wanted to bring zip-locks to collect little artefacts from the Brunei jungle and do up something with them? Well, last weekend I completed it. A black RIBBA frame bought from IKEA a few months back, it was inspired by frames I saw at BooksActually, containing various interesting contents. So in the end, unfortunately I didn't manage to bring anything back from Brunei. I would, if I saw an interesting bug. But I didn't, and there were rules against us taking anything back. We couldn't even keep the utensils we carved. But if there was an interesting bug, I think it would be worth bending the rules for. But there wasn't. So anyway, the good thing was that the twigs I used aren't from Singapore. Minimally, you count them from foreign land. I collected them, together with the carved utensils, the last time we had the survival exercise at Pulau Tekong. The frame's basically like a memory box of JCC, along with a few quotes from Into The Wild. Honestly, it's wayyyyy below my initial mental projection of how the end-product should look like, so I might be making edits here and there in the next few weeks. Maybe spread some mud over the whole thing, for example. If it turns out a lot nicer, I'll tell you. But meanwhile, the frame sits on the small table beside my desk, awaiting to be hung on a white wall. Not for sale though.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-01T18:28:00.001+08:00

Every widow wakes one morning, perhaps after years of pure and unwavering grieving, to realize she slept a good night's sleep, and will be able to eat breakfast, and doesn't hear her husband's ghost all the time, but only some of the time. Her grief is replaced with a useful sadness. Every parent who loses a child finds a way to laugh again. The timbre begins to fade. The edge dulls. The hurt lessens. Every love is carved from loss. Mine was. Yours is. Your great-great-great-grandchildren's will be. But we learn to live in that love.

Everything Is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer.

HERE WE GO, COME WITH ME!

2012-01-01T17:32:00.001+08:00

I haven't updated, but the morose and depression died down the night after I had a sleep. Don't know why but people always have this impression that as long as you don't update your status / blog a new post about yourself feeling better, you're still there, stuck in that emotional last-post of yours. So I'd have to clarify. Well, on another occasion, for an advanced obstacle course + 3.5km run-down in SBO (the SEOC), I've managed to do my low-rope without much difficulty. So did my buddy Adrian, who didn't manage to during the first SOC as well. We were mulling over it together in bunk. BUT WE DID IT!

And well, I did manage to book-out yesterday before lunch. Pleasantly surprised, because our Wing Commander's a brilliant guy, he let us off early. So, first time I stepped out of SAFTI MI in "penguin", after booking-in from Brunei. Another two weeks gone, another two weeks shorter to commissioning. It's weird though. Staying in in camp doesn't seem so bad anymore. Of course, that's when you have the freedom of doing what you want. So I tried to make full use of the time before we left for our last RCP reporting on Saturday 9am. I went for a morning jog at 6am, after the first reporting. Ran up to PLC, and got chased by a pack of guard dogs. That was one interesting event for the end of 2011. I could say that now, but at 7am I was terrified to death, shuddering from the fears of having just scraped myself against the chances of getting gnawed up by a pack of guard dogs.

I do remember the dogs though. That one or two times when we did route marches into the late night, the trainers would let the guard dogs out at night, gates closed upon them, allowing them to be free to roam, neither leashed and fenced up. Even at those times, when we had a full company movement, one or two dogs might bark up fiercely at one of the fellow cadets, scaring a few and causing quite a stir. Yesterday, I was running into PLC even before the first light - the only way I could manage a jog that was close to an hour - having to report again in Smart No. 4 at 8am. Turning right from the end of the SOC course, I didn't expect the dogs. The last time I was there at 7am the dogs weren't there, it was only when I heard the first bark from the dogs through my MP3 did I take a swift look towards my right - in the darkness, I see dark silhouettes coming towards me, two, three then five and more fiery-orange eyes looking at me out of the dark. I had in mind not to run, so I tried to continue my jog, back from where I came from. A couple of dogs started quickening up their pace towards me, barking at me, and that was when I panicked. They were fierce guard dogs after all. Seeing the few dogs starting to advance on me, I sprinted off back where I came from. They gave chase, barking off fiercely at me. I took the most direct route back to the SOC grounds - down steep slopes, across wide drainage, and once, I fell down at the bottom of the slope after a leap across a drain. I still recall that exact moment - I looked back, saw two pairs of eyes chasing towards me, and for a split second, I remember how those horror stories of being chased by monsters / ghosts end - when one of the supporting characters falls down during the chase and gets killed / eaten up / have bad stuff happened to him. I picked myself up, ran as fast as I could possibly manage, and it was only after I ran a 200m did the barks die down, one last dog chasing me and before long, me panting alone in the darkness. Close shave.

Anyway, I spent yesterday counting down at Zirca. Not that I really wished to. It felt quite meaningless, unfortunately, compared to the past few countdowns I've had. In Zirca, counting down was just a unison of shouting, counting down to the next song the DJ spins, popping poppers and body bumping. Elsewhere, it would be where you would be in a round-circle with your friends, appreciating the moment with drinks in your hand, counting down and feeling the year really passing by with each second you countdown from 10. What happens after the "3, 2, 1" would be joyous roars, merry shouts of "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" across from strangers, group hugs and shouts of the new year resolutions. Perhaps even wishing up to the skies, telling the heavens what you want for the new year with cheery, celebratory songs blasted into the air at the background. Regardless, a year has passed, a new year has arrived, may 2012 be filled with wonderful moments with your friends and family and may you be closer to your dreams in this new year!

I feel it; now I feel it all.

2011-12-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

Bad day, bad week. I feel pretty morose and depressed now. Think everything's starting to sink in. RCP has been the start of the series of unfortunate events, and now everything rolls in - not being able to get marksmenship for ATP (advanced trainfire package, basically an advanced live firing target practice), and then today - not meeting the passing timing for SOC (standard obstacle course). SOC was never a problem for me, instead, I was always the one who was in the position to teach my mates proper techniques in SCS. The 8kg I lost in JCC is definitely muscle mass. I couldn't see any obvious change in my outer appearance, but my pull-up count's dropped by 6 and now I can't even manage a standard low-rope ascent.

I never felt more pathetic. Failure stinks, and I've sniffed up every single whiff of it today. I can't do ATP, can't do SOC - well, that sounds like a good for nothing to me. I think this could be just the lowest point of my NS term since enlistment. You know, it's one thing when your platoon commander shouts all those derogatory term and profanities at the platoon to make you feel weak and useless, but it's another thing when those same insults are coming from the voice inside yourself, and then you let it go on because you know you deserve it, and perhaps you'll be able to motivate yourself in that way.

Remember in the previous posts I was all hyping about RCP being not-so-bad? I take it all back now. I mean, at least for today. These couple days. I guess optimism doesn't last forever. Or maybe it's the sudden lack of freedom - though you're still at the same place (SAFTI) doing the same things (reporting every two hourly) - when training resumes. To add on to it, the rest are getting a long weekend this week, an early book-out on Friday by 2pm, and then a book-in on Monday night because of the New Year's off in lieu. The 14 days of RCP would end on Sunday, so if I'm lucky I might get to book-out after the last parade at 2200, but otherwise it's Monday morning. And now that I failed to meet the SOC timing, I'm going to have to book-in at 5pm on Monday for remedial training. Awesome. I just finished an entire can of Pringles, just so you know. Cause when you're emo and even music doesn't help, binging on food's your next best alternative.

What a Difference a Day Makes

2011-12-25T19:10:00.004+08:00

I'm afraid I might be getting too comfortable with this whole RCP in camp thing. I actually feel pretty accomplished and happy today. So, I did quite a lot. I woke up to thunderstorms and a huge rain in the morning, so I didn't manage to do my morning jog thingum. But well, there's still not going to be anyone in camp tomorrow morning so I can do a round tomorrow, if it doesn't rain again.

But today Mooris bought in some turkey ham in celebration of Christmas, cause he unfortunately had to sign his extra duty for a Christmas day, so while I'm in my bunk, there's him and Edison downstairs in the duty room with me today. We're planning to have a Christmas feast tonight, with the other RCP dudes - maybe order in Sarpinos in addition to whatever of a dinner SFI (Singapore Food Industries) is going to give us.

Okay, I gotta report in close to ten minutes, so I'll get back to point. I've done quite a lot of meaningful things today. First, I sketched. I'll scan that in for you soon. In some sort of remembrance to the quail I killed in JCC, I sketched a same quail out. Yikes. And then I spent an hour reading up about Buddhism / Taoism, because yesterday when I was talking religion to Wayne at the rifle range, I realised that I hardly know much about Buddhism. So yeah, I read it, and I'm Buddhist - contrary to what my friends believes - yeah, Yuting / Jieting. The thing is, I thought for a while that Buddhism refers to the worship of purely one single Buddha. Turns out I'm extremely wrong, but the story's too long to explain. Yeah, my family still does a little bit of Taoist practices though, the part about incense and all that.

AND AND the greatest thing of all - I just came back from a run. Yes, if the weather forbids me to do my morning run at first light, I'll do it at last light. As usual, running at new places never fail to make me appreciate nature and feel happy. Running past the link bridge between SAFTI MI and SCS, running past the bridge which symbolizes "crossing over", from a specialist cadet to an officer cadet - my journey, it already felt extremely pleasant. With the strong wind blowing atop the suspension bridge over the Pan Island Expressway at 5PM, I ran into the quiet of the wilderness behind Pasir Laba Camp. I was about to run leftwards, towards the SOC ground of PLC when I saw a less explored route - the route we marched for BSLC's 32km graduation march, OCS's end-of-service-term 28km march, the scenic route which I recall eventually heads toward the west of Singapore, in sight of Second Link. It took me about ten minutes, running into the route to find out that there was a gate which barricades the route. Of course, the M203 and MATADOR live firing range. I took a U-turn, but then saw another route I've never seen. It was a pretty magical feeling when I ran past an opened gate and found myself behind NTU's WKW School of Communications. I could actually reach Kelly and Su's hall within half an hour from SAFTI. It's nice though, exploring the school. Though once I passed the gate, I immediately started to feel self-conscious. I felt naked in my OCS PT attire, with the shorter-than-FBT-curve-cuts PT shorts, feeling my thighs jiggling and jiggling, even though everyone around are all ah-tiongs [come on, who else, with a choice, would be in school on Christmas?]. Oh hey a pretty girl with long, straight hair tied up in a tight pony tail did run past me though. Hmm I wonder what she's doing in school... HAHAHA, I kid.

And the whole experience felt kinda symbolic, more significant than it's supposed to be. It was like me running away from the present, running into my past, exploring my future, not stopping till I'm tired and breathless. SCS, OCS and NTU - it's interesting how these five years of my life's going to be all around the west, and even more so - literally connected to each other. Next time when I'm in NTU, I swear I'll put on my OCS PT attire and run to OCS, SCS and all the naturous training areas behind PLC. It will be so reminiscent. I could already imagine how much I'll miss all these training times in OCS and all of my fellow mates living in the now-empty rooms around me. Hmm, this kinda puts a full-stop on the eternal stuggle of deciding between NTU or SMU Business huh. NTU IT SHALL BE. No, I'm kidding, but honestly, this puts at least five points down on NTU for the score tally between the two schools.

P.S. I know I've been blogging quite a lot. And you probably don't have the patience to read everything I've typed. But welluhm I'm stuck in camp and I'm bored so oh well.

[EDIT: 261211, 1107hours] To prevent it looking like I'm posting five times a day, I'll add on my post-Christmas adventures here. Today was good weather day. I went for a jog in the morning after I woke up, one round around NTU (surprisingly only took 25 minutes on a slow jog pace - it's not that big afterall) then back to the link bridge and down into PLC compounds. I ran past the 100m and 300m ranges behind SCS and after fifteen minutes found myself going towards the M203 / MATADOR range I was talking about yesterday. I guess I got the routes mixed up in my memory. Skirting along the PUB catchment area, the lack of civilisation, you're suddenly aware of the increase in wildlife - squirrels on trees and chirps of the variety of birds and insects. One of the top ten morning jogs I've had. After I reached the end of the route, also the barricaded area of the live firing range, I stopped, took off my in-ears and sat down looking at the vast body of water before me. Fifteen minutes like that, without any sounds of wheels on the road, churning of machinery in factories or other polluting noises. I nipped off a yellow simpur ayer flower [pictured below] and nibbled on it - one of the interesting things JCC taught me, the simpur ayer flower's one of the only few (common) edible plant food which can be eaten raw - while trying to count the different types of chirping / humming noises I can hear from the trees above me. Peaceful.

Two Lonely Christmas Tunes

2011-12-25T06:25:00.002+08:00

Freedom in a place once without.

2011-12-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

Don't remember if I've mentioned (or if you guys have read) that I've been charged with RCP (restriction of cadet priviledges) for 14 days because of negligence discharge in Brunei. Anyway, this hour I'm blogging right now is the first hour of having RCP without the wing around. It's the first time I got such punishment - confinement, but it's actually not as bad as it sounds. Even though I'll probably have to pause and then resume my blogging some time later because we have to report to the Ops Room every two-hourly, there's much peace and freedom in this. Right now, I'm in my bunk, with light rain falling down serenely on the other side of the window in front of me, listening to slow Christmas songs [The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on An Open Fire)] on my speakers, enjoying the peace and quiet of SAFTI MI. Looking out at the empty Wingline and carpark in front of me, the absence of all the footsteps from marching, keluar baris, commands and shouts, an ability to plan my own time and do what I want instead of listening to instructions and timings over the Wingline broadcast - there is a certain peace in that.

It's funny how much I appreciate the freedom. The freedom of being able to do what I want, to walk out of my bunk without a top on, to use the vending machines, to set my own timings just seems so good in contrast to what we have on the weekdays. It's funny how the Army takes away things you're entitled to, and then when they let loose and give you a bit of freedom, we all become so happy and relieved. Like a bird allowed to flap its wings, like a starving child given some food, like an angel given her voice.

I'm planning to go for a morning run tomorrow, immediately after I report for the 6AM first parade. My route's planned - starting down at SAFTI, I'll run past the guard house, then into the Singapore Discovery Centre and around the scenic lake, back to SAFTI before going to SCS across the link bridge. Yes, SAFTI, SCS and the SDC's all linked. Pretty wonderful. Plus it's an extremely beautiful route. And then I'm also going to start on The Intelligent Investor. Maybe a sketch or two if I'm in the mood. Maybe I'll get started on those novels. It's good though, this RCP has helped me put away quite some me-time for myself, something I haven't had the chance to enjoy for many many weeks now. Well, I've said my piece. Merry Christmas!

I could get used to this...

2011-12-18T01:10:00.001+08:00

Been having a binge on food for the past week. I mean, from the day we came back to Lakiun camp in Brunei, after stepping through Cynthia Gate to officially complete JCC, my stomach's never been empty. I recall all the crazy buffets we've had since then. If you didn't know, every single meal we had in Brunei after JCC was a buffet. The point was for us to regain our carbos and build up mass we lost. In the end, I think I've gained back to more than 63kg by now. I was 63, then 55.5 after JCC, probably 65 right now. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I accumulated a 65, though it seems pretty impossible to gain that much in such a short while. Trust me though, I look perfectly fat now. My stomach's been bloated ever since I came back.

Was at Sandra's house today, when I did realise my problem. I cannot stop eating. This is crazy. All the food we've been talking about during those nights on empty stomachs - I've had them all. On the day we returned, I ate two bowls of noodles my mum cooked, close to ten packets of cream crackers + nutella before that for afternoon snack, and then I recall going to Chomp Chomp and spending a further $20 on supper after that (oh glorious stingrays, popiahs, chicken wings, satays and milkcurds). Like as if it wasn't enough, after playing LAN till 5am, I downed four more plain pratas. Today, I bought Mcdonalds for the lot, then I think I ate up close to all three packets of french fries, on top of my McSpicy. And then Liqin came with a few sticks of Old Chang Kee and Gong Chas. I ate them all. OMG I ATE THEM ALL. I even asked for chips. If there were any opened packets of chips in Sandra's cupboard, they would've been in my stomach by now. I'm resisting the urge to sneak downstairs and pick up my Pringles I bought for book-in. I HAVE TO RESIST.

I now know what it's like to fight the inner demon. It's not an easy battle. I'm quite afraid. What has JCC turned me into? Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up for a morning run. Yes, not a morning jog, but a morning run. Prata after that, but I guess it's okay if I ran - right? And I'm quite determined. It's book-in day tomorrow, for what might be another twenty days away from home. I have to make full use of tomorrow. Sleep just seems secondary these couple of days, even though I'm constantly feeling the fatigue. It's a good thing though, I think when sleep's not your focus, you're having a fulfilling life. Somewhat. Maybe not. But well.

Anyway, today I was supposed to visit a TCM practitioner because I revealed to my mum during lunch at Jack's Place (OH THE STEAK) that my left hand's been numb ever since training in Brunei. That's more than two weeks already. The problem's that my hand's permanently numb. Like 24/7, sometimes less when I'm not thinking about it. There's that swollen feeling on the tip of my fingers. Like if you played the guitar strings for too long a period. Like if you have those finger blisters with pus inside, waiting to be pricked and burst. My mum brought me to this one close to my grandma's. I was willing to accept some form of treatment initially, but when I saw the TCM clinic, things changed. It was really a clinic. Air-conditioned, consultation rooms and all, queue numbers. The fact that it was too commercialised turned me entirely off. I was expecting some TCM old man at the back of a counter selling herbal medicine. It made me lose trust in whatever I was going to see / receive. The doctor said it wasn't a big deal, but recommended me for immediate treatment, either acupuncture or a massage therapy. $30 for thirty minutes. I thought "fuck, scam alert" in my head. I said no, and the annoying thing was everyone at once turned against me. I politely gave the excuse that I didn't have time. My mum assumed I meant that I was probably overzealous to meet friends, so didn't want to accept the treatment. She had to tell the story to the doctor and nurses. Then they all went "you can't possibly wait till it gets more serious before you look for treatment" in an all too Chinese and knowledgeable manner. It made me feel extremely guilty towards my body, but I think I'm too much of a miser to see money spent on medical purposes. Especially if it's not urgent at all. I don't know why I'm even whining about this. But it made me feel insecure. The response I got from Yuting and Liqin made me worry as well. Should I have really went ahead with the treatment? I hate this uncertainty.

No, there won't be Christmas for me this year.

2011-12-15T19:41:00.006+08:00

There won't be eggnogs by the cozy fire /
There won't be glasses of mulled wine either /
There won't even be a Christmas tree /
'cause you're not here to light it up with me

Finally back from Brunei, back with the Jungle Confidence Course badge on my chest. This trip came with many firsts, so it was certainly eventful. Of course, after all the initial grouse about being away from home for so long, participating in so many consecutive days of infantry training and back-to-back missions, I reflect about it and in hindsight, there was really much to gain.

It was the first time I've been away from home, from my family for so long. It was the first time I was on an overseas mission and training experience. It was the first time I was on a plane with friends. The list could go on and on, but most importantly, it was JCC. It was the reason why I wanted to come to OCS. I was initially lazy to talk about JCC over here, but then I'm free today. Plus, I hope this at least pens down some memory for myself in future. I'll write it down while the memory's still fresh.

JCC, the Jungle Confidence Course, was much more than just a badge to me. The badge itself seemed like it mattered the world to some, but I always say it's up to you do define who you are, not what you have or what's on your chest, for that matter. I'm glad all my friends made it though. It sounds completely cliche, but what mattered to me was the experience - I went to JCC not expecting the badge, but expecting emotional development, expecting the experience of tough conditions, hunger, mental struggle, disagreements you have to overcome, obstacles you have to conquer, physical pains you have to endure. I think it must have been an extremely good thing that the weather was on our side throughout JCC. During our initial phase of infantry training at Brunei, it rained almost everyday. It was always "code black" from morning till 3pm, meaning heat waves and unusually high temperatures, then a heavy downpour at around 3pm. It was monsoon season as well, so all of us went to Brunei prepared for rain everyday anyway. Fortunately for us, it only rained thrice on the nine days of our JCC. You don't know how much the rain can fuck it up for you. Plotting on maps during navigation would be close to impossible with the rain pouring down on your markers and map overlays. What was once dry would become slippery surfaces, and what was originally slippery would become impossible. You lose your mental focus, you lose your visual acuity, you're cold and drenched, and over extended periods of wetness, you start to get foot rot. If unlucky, your waterproofing gives way, your dry clothes become wet, your equipment gets damaged, you'll have to spend the night shivering in the cold wetness. You're already counting your blessings that you didn't slip and fall a bad fall, or that dead-falls didn't collapse on you in the thunderstorm. So in some ways, our wing had it easy. We got lucky.

Even so, JCC was an experience. It started with Ex. Nomad, a three day navigation exercise - 4 checkpoints, a mid-point and an end-point. I'll remember how well my team did during navigation. How everything was so smooth, it felt almost too good to be true. How we plotted to the dot on the map, how many times we said "by my plotting, the checkpoint should be just another 50m north-east from here", and voila! there it was. I don't want to brag, but it felt good hearing from so many commanders that we were the first detail they've ever heard of who managed to find all the checkpoints during Ex. Nomad of JCC. We were legendary. Just kidding. But yes, there's certainly some pride there. The smooth-flowing stopped there though. Ex. Explorer was phase two of JCC. We scaled Mt. Biang, which was 430m above sea level. Mt. Telugong was even more crazy. It was a relatively smaller mountain, but it was the toughest climb I've done in my life. We had to climb on all fours, pulling on to roots and trees on sometimes near vertical slopes. We had to jump up and slide down slippery rocks the size of rhinos to get from a place to another. We had to do all that and more, with our field bag and signal sets on our back. Fatigue was another problem. Rationing my food, I've only eaten what amounted to one meal packet and two packets of biscuits for the past three days. My body was past the hunger and the urge to eat, but it was sustaining on whatever was left of the energy from the Cadbury bar I stuffed right before moving out on the first day. Water wasn't a problem yet because we've been passing by a couple of streams on the way during navigation. We heard from the past batches that there wouldn't be streams up the mountain from that point on though, so we made it a point to ensure all our bottles were filled before we embarked on the climb. That was an additional 5.5kg alone.

It was tough, but like everything else, it comes to an end. I was pretty excited on the day of insertion into the survival site, with the end-ex of Ex. Explorer, transiting into Ex. Forager. Forager's a three day three night survival segment of JCC, where you're supposed to gather materials, build up an A-frame shelter, a monitor lizard trap, a fireplace and create other necessary survival equipments like fishing rods and spears. It was everything I was excited about. I heard about all the time you have, to think about life under your A-frame shelter in the complete darkness, to appreciate and enjoy nature for what it is. Truth be told, it wasn't exactly that. It turned out to be a pretty hectic few days, gathering vines to tie up the bakau poles, building up the A-frame, fireplace and monitor lizard traps for assessment, carving utensils into the night, looking for saplings good enough to make fishing rods and a spear out of, looking for leaves to thatch up into a shelter. Other than the time in the complete darkness when you know trying to complete any tasks would be completely inefficient, I hardly had time to sit idly around and appreciate the nature and quiet around me. So it wasn't as fun as I expected.

The first night of Forager was the toughest time of JCC. After the combat swim across Batu Apoi river, it poured extremely heavily. Following the insertion into site, I made the wrong choice. I spent the remaining of the one hour of daylight gathering vines and bakau poles, eager to set up my basic A-frame before nightfall. The entire site was muddy from the downpour, and the location was swampy because it was right beside the river. Mud up to my shins and all over my hands, I collected the bakau poles I needed and started on the basic A-structure. I started to feel bites and itch all over my body and my head, but my hands were wet with mud I couldn't do anything about it. It was still drizzling, and only after ten minutes did I take a good look at the survival site I picked and realised that there were red ants all over the bakau poles I collected and all over the two metre radius of my survival site. Red ants were crawling all over my body and the poles I was about to use for my A-frame. I panicked. I felt completely exasperated. I couldn't even set my groundsheet down because ants were all over the site. In the end, I abandoned my survival site and shared a lean-to shelter my friend created at his site. It was small enough for a shelter, but he was extremely generous to me. He shared half his shelter with me, so the two of us only had space to sit down side by side. We were wet, cold and I couldn't change out of my clothes because the wet ground would defeat the purpose of keeping dry anyway. I spent the night sleeping in a crouching position, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them to sleep because there wasn't space to lie down. In the end, I drifted in and out of 15-minute eye-shuts throughout the night due to the uncomfortable position I was sitting in as well as the shivers from wearing damp clothes without being able to start any fire. I couldn't have been more glad for first light in the morning.

Day two of Ex. Forager was the day they brought us the quails. Yes, the highlight, isn't it? The message they wanted drilled into us was "for one to survive, one else must die". The task was that we were supposed to kill and skin a quail with our bare hands, no tools involved. I've always been a bit squeamish at the thought of killing the quail. I mean, fuck, I don't even know if I dared to pick the quail up. It's linked to my fear of small, furry things. I'm a tiny bit afraid of chicks. What about a quail? But well, people I've talked to previously assured me that by the day you see the quail, you're so hungry you'll be very carnivorous, so not much second thoughts there. Turns out to be untrue. My stomach's managed to survive on very little food. I think by then, I've only eaten two meal packets and four packets of biscuits for the past... six days. I've already been extremely careful with rationing. Instead, I've still got two meal packets, two desert packets and two packets of maggi noodles left from the 48-hour rations we've been given on the first day, for the next three days.

Captain Subash brought the basket of quails over to the five of us gathered in the same survival site, and asked us to go ahead and pick a quail from the basket. The other four went on, picked up a quail without hesitation, but when I looked into the basket, all the worries started pouring in. The quails were bigger than I expected, and I hardly dared put my hand into the basket, much less catch one. Under pressure, I dug my hand in, tried to grab hold of one but its smooth, furry body slipped out from under my grasp. It ran half a metre away with me trying to grab hold of it without any success. My friend picked it up for me. I was almost shaking. By then, CPT Subash was screaming into my face. Nothing could mask my lack of confidence in handling the quail. He screamed "you're a fucking officer cadet and you're scared of a fucking quail?". He screamed a lot more things, but I was more distracted by the struggling quail I held in both hands. I picked the quail up by its legs instead, and quickly inserted my fingers between its wings and body to stop it from flapping. By then, I overcame the fear of holding it. The next step's to kill. Second thoughts about killing it flooded my mind. Now that I'm less scared of it, I start to become aware of its warmth and blood pumping in my hands. With an instruction of "you can now twist and pull its head out once you're ready - make sure you don't let it suffer and do it in a swift motion", the rest of the cadets steadily pulled out the head of the quail. I was in a complete trance. More muffled shouting. I put my right hand over its head, covered its eyes and pulled. They said to treat it like a grenade ring. Twist, pull, done. If I'd think about it, you can actually feel the stretch of its skin. It was hardly a "twist, pull, done". Some blood spurts on your hand but you're past caring. You'll have to hold the body in place because the muscle contraction's causing the wings to flap extremely fast between your fingers. I panicked, and dropped the quail head on the ground, instead of placing it on the Simpur Ayer leaves we gathered. More shouting. The body eventually stops struggling, and then the pressure to skin the bird comes. I placed the mess of feathers and blood down on the leaf, and after some guidance from my friend, started to peel off the feathers and skin neck-down. My hands were shaking, dirty with mud and blood and sticky feathers. My confidence was zero. By then CPT Subash was standing beside me, shouting instructions into my ears because I was the only one having difficulty killing and skinning the quail. Between many instructions, I plucked out the wings before I skinned the quail fully. I received a smack to my head, ferocious shouting, and then he said it. "Fuck you, you destroyed the game. Go take another quail from the basket now". Stunned. I looked at him with the mess of feathers and blood in my hands, took a minute to comprehend what he said, and asked "Sir, can I not kill another quail please". I had to repeat that twice, because I was either too afraid to speak up, or I just wasn't speaking straight. But of course, a fucking pissed off man isn't one up for negotiations. I put down the bloody mess onto the leaf, took heavy steps towards the basket and picked up another quail. I was chanting prayers in my heart all the time now, sorry for what I've just done, sorry for what I'm about to do. I headed back to my leaves, turned my back on the leaves and tried to kill the quail there and then, but he stopped me, shouted for me to turn about and face the leaves in front of me. I looked at the sorry sight of what was once the quail I held in my hands, sprawled in pieces over the leaves, and tried my best to cover up the head of the other quail I held in my hands. It didn't have to see that. I killed the second quail under mounting pressure of CPT Subash, who was probably going to explode on me anytime. The second time was as difficult as the first, but once the struggling of the body stopped, I managed to handle myself from then.

In the end, yes, all my mates were jealous that I killed two quails and ate two quails. I did share the second one, but that's besides the point. It's pretty fucked up, because the guilt seeped away after the quails were dead. My body was still trembling slightly though. I was in a half-daze for the next hour. I talked about it quite a lot after that, trying to explain the story to my envious friends. But some did talk to me about it, and it made sense when they said that the quails in the basket were going to get killed, whether I did it or not. And it's also true when my friend said that if I didn't kill the quail, I'd never have known that I could have done it. I'd never have been able to do it again. Thinking back about it, I think I completely over-reacted. But still, it was an experience. Not an enjoyable one, but what is life without struggles? CPT Subash made a special visit back to our site an hour later and apologised to me for the harsh scolding, which was very surprising. For a superior in the Army to be able to do that, even when it's not his fault, it takes a lot. I don't blame him even slightly for shouting at me. Instead, I'd want to thank him for it. Without the pressure, I think I would never have been able to do it. But still, he came to me, said sorry, and even volunteered to take a look at my survival site and give me feedback on my progress.

Following that was assessment on day 8, extrication and then Ex. Trekker back to camp on day 9. Nothing much to talk about there. But JCC was a true experience. I'll never forget my detail mates, though we weren't very close to begin and end with, I won't forget how all of us helped each other, supported each other and all the nights we couldn't sleep, talking about the food markets at Bedok, Old Airport Road, Chomp Chomp and more over the fire. Tough times don't last, tough men do.

Oh yeah, and an update. I misfired a blank round during one of the missions as the exercise platoon sergeant. I was shagged okay, give chance. They call it negligence discharge, short for ND. In OCS, it's a big fucking deal. So I'm getting charged with RCP for 14 days, starting this coming Monday, after we book-in on Sunday. RCP stands for restriction of cadet privileges (sorry for the acronyms), where I'm not only confined for 14 days, but I'll have to report to HQ in FBO (full battle order - including field pack and items) every two hours in camp. So well, I'll be having Christmas in camp. Quite sad, but well, the things that don't kill you only makes you stronger. If I'm lucky, my charge might end on the 31st, before New Years. Otherwise, if you'd count a straight 14 days, the next time I'll be booking out would be 7th Jan.

It's ok. No worries. Today, after my haircut, I went out and got all the supplies I'd need. I'll be booking in with a lot of things this weekend. I've bought ten packets of Maggi noodles, a bottle of Nutella, a tin of cream crackers, cheese biscuits and a can of Pringles all ready. Also, I've borrowed four books from the library, and I'm bringing The Intelligent Investor as well as two issues of Monocle into camp. I'll use the weekends to do meaningful reading up. It's time I took some time out to get started with The Intelligent Investor. I'll probably put the whole of Glee season three into my PSP as well. I'll be loading in four albums into my iPod as well, for good measure. That's more than enough for three weekends I guess. Thankfully my family doesn't celebrate Christmas, so I'm not dead-emo for having being confined during Christmas. But then again, I'll be missing out all the Christmas gatherings and stay-overs with friends. Won't get to sip on the Kahlua I bought at DFS over a fire and Christmas tunes. That's pretty sad already. Guess I'll just loop Christmas tunes in bunk during Christmas.

In the naked heat,

2011-11-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

Attica yesterday was awesome. Do I always start posts in this manner? "--- yesterday was awesome." But well, I lead an awesome life. What to do? Anyway bloody hell that trumps my previous near-vomiting experience. Well, I drank a bloody lot. I mean, with all the magnum bottles in front of me and all of us were prepared to pool $100 each anyway, so I just drank and drank and drank - cause it's good life being VIP. Lost my consciousness for quite a bit there on the dance floor, but I pride myself in still being able to take care of a friend who was more drunk than me. Zero-vomiting-record still holds!

JCCJCCJCC

2011-11-18T22:23:00.001+08:00

Feeling good right now. Had two exercises this week to prepare us for JCC, Ex. Castaway and Ex. Robinson Crusoe. Basically Castaway was building and making all the things necessary for the Ex. Forager part of JCC, A-frames, monitor lizard traps and all. Robinson Crusoe was just climbing up and down steep knolls. That nearly took my life, maybe cause I was unwell, maybe cause it was "code black" that afternoon (heat waves) before it turned into a heavy downpour in a matter of minutes. That's Echo wing for you. Never fails to rain. It's creepy though, cause it feels too much like a curse. Our instructors joke that because they like tough training, during our major exercises they'll indent rain for us. But we all know that deep down there's some blood-curse on us. I mean, it rained on all of our major exercises (attack missions, defense missions, route marches etc.), our social night, our only nights out, what else?

But well, ok. I hallucinated on the second night of sleeping under the A-frame. Firstly it was the lack of bakau poles, so we sleep horizontally with 4 poles under our thighs, and 3 or 4 poles spaced out under our upper body. My ass and shoulder had no support. To say it was uncomfortable would be an understatement. I woke up more than ten times between 1am to 5am, and twice I dreamt that I was in bed at home, with an ATTN C (health status for high fever, it allows you to book out, go home and rest), waking up to my mum beside me and feeling a bit cheery that I got to skip Robinson Crusoe. Twice, I woke up from the dream and stared into the dark space, shivering with fever and headache. Took my temperature twice but the fucking thermometer registers a 37.0 both times. No idea why. I swear I was sick. But anyway.

I think right now I'm more or less recovered. I'm just having a lot of mucus. Thick, yellow-nearing-reddish mucus which never seems - you get the idea. I'm expending tissue at the rate of close to eight pieces per hour. But yeah, I got to book out today, I'm planning to watch Into The Wild and read The Hunger Games before I go to Brunei. Cause (fuck) I just realised how tight the schedule is in Brunei. I mean, we wouldn't even be sleeping on beds for more than 6 days. So yeah, lots of jungle-and-me-lovin' time, won't get to read the book or listen to my MP3 in bunk I guess. One of my instructors said he had only four minutes to make calls throughout the entire trip. Naise. Ok, so I guess this is goodbye? See you in Christmas.

P.S. Have I told you that I've updated the playlist on this blog? Wellum yeah, so you can listen to it while I'm gone. Do anyone of you even still pay attention to that? Guess not anyway.

Life's too short to even care at all, uh-ohoh.

2011-11-13T12:35:00.005+08:00

Think Young The Giant's going to become one of my favourite bands. Thanks to watchlistentell, Ivan and Nathan Hartono for finally confirming this for me.

Booked out yesterday at 11.20pm, the latest I've booked out. It's funny, cause we were really happy. We were supposed to book out today morning, then book in tonight. That's how the Army fucks up your mind. Sometimes, life does it this way too. Tell you you're supposed to get this unusual big shit, then force you to accept it, then give you a little lea way and you get fucking thankful.

This week was crazy though. I miss all you friends. I mean, these three weeks before we fly off to Brunei will be / was really crazy. I looked at the Infantry pro-term cadets in SCS, having FBO and outfield three times a week and I get scared. We basically have it everyday. Add in 2 hardplates, 2 softplates, 2 1.5 litre bottles for extra weight and I don't even want to hear an estimation of the weight we're having on our shoulders. I've broken my threshold this week, I think. I've pushed on when I was on the verge of breaking. A friend once told me cross-country runners have this thing called the mental pain barrier. Get running to a certain distance, you'll start feeling all the pain on your leg, the lack of breath, the fear of your body not being able to take it - but get past that, and your body continues on like clockwork, till it slowly breaks apart, but you'll still be running and running.

Anyway, I'm having a fever, muscle aches, sore throat, flu and phlegm. Was really worried just now because I know I'd really need the training next week. And all of them in Brunei. Just for JCC. I really can't wait. I was feeling a bit nervous, because of all the uncertainty I had about the entire exercise, but now that I've been through all the briefing and talks and mental preps (more or less), the nervousness seeped away slowly and what fills it up is excitement. I'm just now excited about all the abrasions and foot rots and all the bad stuff. Today is really just for force-prep; body recovery, buying all the necessary equipments and well, celebrating my birthday with my family. It makes it kind of sad - having a birthday cake early because you know you don't have much chance after that anymore, having a tiny slice of ice-cream cake because you know you're sick and you have to take exceptional care of yourself. Well, I've grown used to saying "such is life".

Brunei in close to a week. 3AM flight on Tuesday. Well, they can't even let us have a good, full breakfast on Tuesday.

But anyway friends, on excuse that it's my birthday (fuck that, I don't really care) care to strike up a gathering next week? I've Saturday, Sunday and Monday to make full use of. I don't need presents. Presence is enough. Oh wow - awww so, awwww so touched huh? Oh yeah, one more thing. JCC's so stingy that we can't even bring writing materials in. I mean, a notebook of sorts and stuff. Afraid we'll use it to get fire. Blasted. Thought I could do some "Into The Wild" thingum and reflect under all the complete darkness, alone under the canopy at night. Blasted. And then I wanted to do this thing whereby I collect some cool Brunei jungle shitzos in a ziplock bag and bring them back to Singapore and then make this super shitbangawesome thing (which shall not be explained, only shown when I'm done with it) but then it turns out they only allow us 4 ziplock bags, which has a use for each of them and zzz. I'll throw those in with my rubbish, I guess. Maybe not. But I'm pretty determined to bring them home. I'll show you the end product in a month and a half. JCC's 6 days of team navigation and 3 days of solo survival FYI, do note that I'm only excited about the survival part. 6 days of navigation in FBO with all the load? I think I'd rather not. It's a bummer though, cause a few batches ago, the survival phase was 5 days. Jizzzzzzzz///

24 days of Brunei starting 22nd of November, just two weeks away. Excited for the experience, worried about the heat.

2011-11-06T10:14:00.003+08:00

4AM jogs are still as therapeutic.

2011-10-27T01:08:00.002+08:00

Bishan park is really now my favourite park in Singapore. Like as if Singapore really had parks to begin with. But Bishan park, in Ang Mo Kio, really amazes me. As I did my 4am morning jog today after clubbing at an SMU organized Halloween party at Old School, the Mt. Sophia art gallery, I ran to Bishan Park for the second time. What amazes me is how big Bishan park is. While I'm strolling through it, I can't help but imagine how many condominium blocks could be built on this land. And then it's like 4 units x 17 floors x how many blocks x $500,000, and I suddenly applaud the government. Whoever came up with the idea of Bishan Park, I adore you. I love the idea of garden cafes within the park. Had I known, and if I was old enough, I would have had a share in it. Regardless of whether or not it can make money, because I know my customers will be people like me. Heck, I mean, I'll find one of my nature-loving girlfriends from the girl who frequents the most. HAH but seriously, if I had one, I would bring my girlfriend here, climb over one of the fences and sneak into the areas which are still under construction, then chill with my music, the lake and the stars. I think I really have a thang there for doing semi-illegal things. Trust me, I've thought about sneaking into shops after hours. The intent of stealing things isn't there - yet? Oh Buddha, someone gotta knock some sense into me before I get into some shit. But anyway, I think Malays appreciate such things (the chillin', not the stealin') more, cause both times I come here in unearthly hours, the only groups of people here are Malay teens or couples.

And then you talk about the nicely lit Macdonalds tucked in a corner of the park, sitting right next to the big lake which flows around and connects the entire park together. I'm on a bridge above the lake right now typing this, and I'm not sure if the bridge is shaking, or if it's my blood pumped against the handlebars I'm leaning on, or if it's the alcohol. But woah, this really is some good shit. You gotta see it for yourself.

REVAMP!

2011-10-25T02:11:00.001+08:00

I like my new layout. Okay, actually the layout's more or less the same. I only did change the image. It's a bit narcissistic, I know. But nevertheless, when I get time tomorrow (hopefully) I'm going to go update my music player. Then I'll try to find some kind of thing which allows people to leave comments, some kind of CBOX but without spam, to put in the 'chatter' section. After that, my new blog will be fully re-furbished. See you guys around.

A Long Civilian Entry.

2011-10-24T00:08:00.005+08:00

Getting to spend time like a civilian really enriches the mind and soul. In the short time I've got for myself today, after meeting the VJ volleyball guys for lunch, I've settled quite a few things, down in my head. The past couple days' been quite good. Had a platoon cohesion of sorts at Sheen's place. The booze was good, and it was nice hanging out with the commanders as friends. We decided to head over to Zouk after that, since almost all of us were drunk enough with headaches, but it sucked. By the time I got out of the cab, I was more of less sober, just having a slight headache and laughing off at some of the rest making conversations with strangers. Phuture was its usual sausage party I guess, so none of us managed to get in. Even with Gavin's connections. But well, though Zouk sucked and wasted a couple hours of my sleep time, it was free at least.

And then I met up with the Hs at City Hall yesterday, had a good long chat and at around 11.30pm, we all parted and I decided to take bus 70M from Suntec back home. I remembered those bus-rides close to midnight after those awesome JC times at Suntec (which consists of whatever random gatherings you wanna include) and wanted that feeling back. But it turned out a bad decision cause it was firstly, a long walk from Esplanade to the bus-stop, and then the bus was pretty much full-up, so I was standing up half the journey. But it still helped. I got close to fifteen minutes of serenity on the bus-ride home. MRT rides are always too brightly lit, too open, too social for a good reflective me-time. And caught up with the team at City Hall (yet again) today - it was really long since I watched a movie in cinemas.

But anyway, since I was in town, I thought I might as well head over to Kinokuniya at Bugis, cause I had books I wanted to get. Plus both my cousin and Ivan messaged me previously about a big ass Fred Perry sale at Illuma. So, why not. It doesn't matter if I traveled solo. I'll talk about the sale first. It was disappointing. The entrance queue was long, but pretty quick. Which was perhaps one of the reasons why it was such a turn off. The other reasons would be how messy everything is, how all the good sizes are out, how all the nice colours are no longer available, and how cheapskate everyone else around you looks. I saw this guy wearing that same olive green FP polo t-shirt later at Orchard. Bet he bought it from the sale just like, one day ago. The only polo tee left on the sale, which had a size of XS, was that same olive green one he wore. You can probably guess why it was the only one(s) left on the rack. But anyway, I went to Kinokuniya with the intention of buying two books. The first, The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham, and the next, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

So, that day at Sheen's house, some of us stepped into his room for a look and they saw a copy of The Intelligent Investor on his table, then told me about how he's pretty much earning quite a lot through investments. Like the people in HC, RJ, so many of them my age are earning money already. I'm many steps behind. So yesterday night, while on the bus 70M, I decided to get home and research on good investment books to buy. Most sites recommended this, so I picked it. I mean, I didn't get the book because I saw Sheen with it. I didn't even get the book because I thought it is the best investment book ever. I didn't even ask Sheen about it. Nor did I bother to read up on its contents and why it's good and blah blah, which I would usually do for a new product I'm about to spend money on. But I thought like, it was a start. Regardless of a good or bad one, a start is a start. I've been too lazy previously, but now that I think about it - I'm going to start investing when I'm older anyway. How else do you make big bucks, you ask. So might as well start early. Get through all the technical shit early, when I'm older, the money shall start rollin' yo. Also, it's a good thing to stop reading fiction novels for a while anyway. But I think it's going to take a lot out of me to start on the book. And then about Hunger Games. It's a great book, no doubt. But I never buy novels (sans Harry Potter, Dan Brown), regardless of whether or not they are great. Okay, in all fairness, I've only started reading as a hobby less than a year ago. But Hunger Games was different. You should have seen how it inspired me during SCS. It was really uncanny, the way I was reading about how Katniss was hunting in the wild during the field camp and outfields in SCS, and then in Mockingjay, while the team was fighting against the Capitol and it's war-machines in the city, I was having Urban Operations training. The way Collins described survival, it wasn't just something a novelist could write. It was part of my initial motivation for the 2.4km run in SCS, the time I attained my Gold for IPPT with a timing of 9.31 for the run, the time I shed more than 40 seconds off my previous timing. It was a lot like fate, and it gave me a lot of motivation. I have to bring it to Brunei. It'll motivate me for JCC. I had to make an extra trip to Orchard because the Bugis outlet didn't have any more stock of The Intelligent Investor. Before that, I did an absolutely embarrassing thing. The lady at the information counter volunteered to check up the Orchard outlet for me, while I did my other shopping, before giving me a call to tell me if the Orchard outlet had stock. And this was while I was queuing up for the Fred Perry sale, to put things in chronological order for you. So yes, she called, I answered, I asked her to additionally check up on stock of Monocle "at the Wheelock outlet", I added. That drew in ten seconds of silence, then an awkward "uhm... we don't have any outlets at Wheelock". It hit me that it was Borders that was in my mind, a folded Borders store, to be exact. She was tactful with not mentioning Borders as well, anyway. But we laughed it off. So, phew. Oh, plus I forgot to mention. I borrowed my brother's Kinokuniya member card the previous night, since I was prepared to get the books, but I think it was really much more than just fate when I decided to get the books today, and then found out that today was the last day of a three-day 20% off all books for members promotion. Buddha bless. Hope I don't start to sound like those over-the-top-ly-devout religious friends you know. You know who I'm talking about. Those who say they deserve the bad things in life as punishment, then thank for every little good thing. No offense though, it's a good thing to believe. And in some ways, a good thing to have so much faith in something as well. But gawddammit, take some control over your own life, cause your God would want that.

This week is going to drain my pockets, I swear. I re-installed the "Spend" app on Friday after Zouk, and timely, after that all the money started rollin' away. Good expenditure though. In the past two days, I've managed to spend a wholesome $221.30. Plus I gotta buy a pair of black leather shoes, cause my brother wants his one back. I've been previously wearing his for all the book-in / book-outs. And then I've only two pairs of dailies contact lenses left, so I'll have to spend another hundred on a pair of boxes. I remember what Tzuhsiang said that day though, about not complaining that you're poor cause it only makes you feel poorer. Plus it's always happy-go-lucky isn't it? And I recall telling myself to stop complaining so much cause it never fails to make the people around you sad / annoyed / angsty / depressed. I've learnt that from hearing my NS mates complain. How did all my friends stand me in the past six years? I don't really know.

Also, I just started reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest which I borrowed from the library. After I'm done with it, I'll watch the film. But right now, I'm still stuck midway in the Introduction. But it is enough to interest me. Reminds me of all the mental exploration I wanted to do when I volunteered at SAMH before enlistment. Many thought-provoking quotes littered all around as well. I'll tell you more when I get around to reading it. Also, when I get the time, I'm going to change this blog's layout, make some more edits here and there. I think I'm going to be blogging for long... so yeah.

Good evening sir, I am Officer Cadet [cadet name], [three interesting things about yourself] and...

2011-10-09T12:24:00.004+08:00

Disclaimer: If this post, in any way, feels a bit awkward due to restrictive typing, it is only because this entry is used both as a blog entry as well as a journal entry to my commanders. Oh yes, in OCS, we gotta write an entry each week. So I guess it's good news for you. You'll be hearing a lot less whines and uninteresting soliloquies about National Service.

So it took a social night to really drill into me how exceptionally ungentlemanly I am. And the worst part was it only got into my somewhat thick skull after my buddy told me that his girlfriend said my date, Suwen, was struggling behind me in her heels most of the time. I'm typing this on my (non-camera, I emphasize) iPod Touch in bunk now, with the platoon getting confined and some of us helping out the graduating batch's dining in ceremony tonight. Oh I did try to be gentlemanly though, give me some tiny tiny credit cause I bought roses for Su. But then it's like Nex Mall doesn't have a florist so I had to get them without gift wrapping. Which wasn't a very nice thing to do but I'm sorry that was the first time I bought flowers, so not much experience there. I will got read a self help book about it soon. I promise. I'm kidding. No, maybe I'll really do it. Like a "100 Things You Should NEVER Do When You Are With Your Date" or a "100 Things You MUST Do..." kind of book. Perhaps the most obvious one, a "How To Be A Gentleman, For Dummies".

And then the other take-away I got is that I'm really becoming more anti-social the longer I stay in army. I thought I used to be less awkward. It's like I talked to the platoon mates a lot in BMT, and then in SCS I barely talked to people out of my section. So far in Echo it's been not too bad though, cause everyone's really nice and friendly. So I hope I could change. Social night was a meaningful experience though. I wouldn't say it was extremely fun, but I think it's great exposure to such events that all of us are going to face when we grow up. Makes you feel like an adult, doesn't it? I do regrettably say that in the end, the only commander I engaged in conversation in was Lieutenant Soffian. Gotta work on that too. Another important life skill. So I'm just hoping that the more I attend such events the more natural I get at it - that would be great.

The only complaint I had about the day was the wet weather. It really foiled the plans. Especially when it started - there wasn't a complete covered walkway to the parade square from carpark I, then we didn't have dining tables and chairs to sit on because they were stuck in the rain, so we had to hold our plates of food and drinks and for me, an additional camera and a champagne bottle. I don't have four hands. So that was quite chaotic. But as the night went on, the rain died down and things got a lot better, so that was with thanks to the organizing committee. By coincidence, or perhaps some fate, some people I knew from different phases of my life turned out to be the dates of the fellow Echo cadets, but I felt like it was quite a pity because in the end I didn't much manage to have a nice chat with a lot of them, with us rushing around to find people (whom we already know) and all. Maybe if I did it another time, I'll put real effort into making new friends instead of going about looking for our good friends, which I guess, unfortunately, most people ended up doing because it was most comfortable that way.

But it was a pleasant experience, in an overall sense. I feel more like an officer cadet, less of a specialist cadet. I know deep down inside it might not be a good thing because it just feels like I'm forgetting my roots, but people have to move on. The past was great, it was memorable and eventful, but being stuck in the past would just mean a miserable old person - you have to hold on to the past but yet embrace what is in front of you.

I'll end it here about social night with those photos. These few weeks have been rather relaxed and easy. We didn't see much tekan-ing or tough activities, but only because it's the end of service term. The end of all the Ex. Centipede and Scorpion King, all the tough things, which is good enough reason for a break. But only I don't deserve it. Thoughts of how I am going to cope with Brunei and Thailand always crosses my mind, seeing that others here now have an edge above me - having been through those exercises. Inevitably a tinge of self-doubt crosses me once in a while. Like how Apple just released the iPhone 4S completely without Steve Jobs' supervision and presence. I compare it to how I felt passing out from Raven in BMT - knowing that you've been through tougher things than others, and as a result, are going to cope better than others in times of tough outfield training. So right here, right now, I decided that I will try to motivate myself by trying to pen down or thing which encourages me to strive on for the week. So whenever I am feeling down, I will look through the journals of every week and gain strength with each passing week.

It was only when I heard the speeches made by the SOHs and SOMs during the commissioning batch's ACPC and dining-in that I realised the importance of this book I am writing on. Even though it is an assignment, for the commanders to read through and make sure that an entry is done every week, the ultimate purpose surpasses that by a lot more. I think that it is ultimately for the cadet himself, not only to serve as a remembrance of the cadet life in OCS, but a collection of everything he has been through, then finally serve as a comparison of how much one has grown in maturity from enlisting.

This week, this is what I want to remind myself about. In life, I am all for experiences. I want to have been through things, which in future, I can look back on and reflect about. I want to have things I can share with others, experiences I can tell others about. And this isn't just about conversation topics. This is about understanding more about the world, understanding how it is like to overcome tough situations you never expect to be able to deal with. Experiences like JCC are things you cannot get anywhere else - no resources, no willpower to put yourself into such situations even if you wanted to anyway. How is life meaningful without new experiences? How is the two years of NS going to be meaningful by doing routined desk work from 8-5 everyday for two years?

And then I spent my night yesterday at Chinatown. My book-outs have been kind of solitary. I try to visit my grandmother every week but then other than that, and once in a while meeting up with my close groups of friends, I haven't seen quite a lot of people in months. It's normal though, I suppose. Everyone's so busy with life and NS and all. Oh but the great thing was yesterday I went to Chinatown. And for the first time I got to sketch Chinatown. I always find it awkward just sitting there by the roadside to sketch the shop houses, but then last night I found this HDB opposite, there was a bench, it was facing the shop houses and it was perfect. I spent close to two hours sketching I think. Though for part of the time I was eating chips and smacking mosquitoes and just chillin' with my music. I would have sketched the third block, but it was becoming too late. But I'm glad cause now I can say that I did something during the weekends. Something solid, something which helps build up myself - skills and all. I'll upload my previous sketch as well, though I think that I've screwed up the mockingbird's head quite badly. I drew that while I was reading the Hunger Games series. Right click > view image for a bigger, clearer view. Notice autographs on the mockingbird? Can you find a Ben Sherman forgery?

Aww yeah aww yeah awww yeah!

2011-09-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

Feeling extreme elation right now. Definitely a result of many things. Here it goes, so I got to book out today, on a Friday, which really doesn't happen every week for Echo Wing in OCS. I mean, more laid back (read: slack) wings like Golf would probably have this every week but in Echo? Gotta pray harder. And so I got home, looked into the fridge and saw freshly made mango pudding. Fuck, I love my mum. A simple comment right before I booked in last week, because I told her it'll help my OCS first-week blues and she did it. I still recall the days where I told her I hated white bread but she still got them for breakfast because my brother preferred them, which made me half an angsty, jealous little brother. But that's changed since we grew up, really. Anyway, NS really does make you appreciate your family a lot more. Maybe it's true for your family members as well I guess.

Oh, and the next big thing. ASOS sent me the free pair of River Island shoes woohoo! They really sent it to me for free! If you haven't heard, the last time I ordered them but they sent me another pair of these espadrilles instead. So I created a Twitter to contact them about it and within 6 hours I got a confirmation that they'll be shipping the correct pair over. I don't even have to return the espadrilles. So yeah, my mum collected it from the post office for me and it was a joy opening the package up. Swear I'm going to shop more at ASOS because of this event.

And perhaps all this happiness only sounds so dog-awesome because it is a contrast of what I had on day one in OCS. Me and Gavin agreed it was the worst. Firstly getting into Echo Wing and hearing everyone else tell us "oh, poor luck" with that plastered "join me in hell" face, then hearing more stories of having unpleasant (note phrasing) commanders, settling in but not settling in (bunks messed up, unable to unpack, loads of admin problems), and then with a final grand-slam, confirming that we are going to join Golf Wing for their Ex. Scorpion King. All us crossovers thought about the other half of them in Golf, how lepak their lives are going to be, how our only advantage (skipping Scorpion King) was now ripped away, and then we get more and more depressed. First two days were quite f-ed up, we didn't know what the hell was going on, everything was in a mess, I couldn't even physically get settled in so it was worse mentally. And then the cadet WC wasn't extremely pleasant in his introduction speech to us, going all "some people think you guys don't deserve social night" and "don't wayang x 20" (like as if if we wayang-ed in BMT and then SCS it wouldn't be obvious to our section mates) and also like "tell me some redeeming qualities about yourselves". I don't want to judge him on that ten-minute speech, I'll give the benefit of the doubt that some vocab wasn't used appropriately by accident, and because the dude turns out to be my section mate. But thank Buddha for Wayne and Amol in my section. And then quite a lot of others I already know in the platoon, and also in the Wing. Dug the trench with Wayne and it was good to catch up after all these years.

But anyway the following few days got exponentially better. After we returned from Scorpion King on Thursday night, we got our bunks finalized, did a whole lot of area cleaning today and now I feel much more settled in. And plus the week wasn't that bad really. It was messed up (like, literally) but then we did get fucked much cause most of the time we weren't with the rest of the wing. So life was pretty good. And plus almost everyone's really friendly there so I guess it'll be not too bad. Finally, I got over the emo phase I was so afraid of! Plus I guess it's because there are things to look forward to though. I wasn't much hyped up about social night (instead, when the dude said that we, crossovers, didn't deserve it, I was thinking "pfft fuck it, we're above that type of ego-booster events") but then now that we tried on all the number two and stuff it looks pretty exciting. And then service term's ending soon so woohoo three cadet stripes yeah. I do admit we don't much deserve it though. SCS really wasn't that tough. And then after that they say it's all prep for JCC, then Brunei in December for close to a month, then Thailand in February and poof, we're commissioned! Sounds damn close huh.

Your thoughts run deep, run wild

2011-09-19T00:00:00.002+08:00

I think I've been pretty much cooped up in my own life these weeks. I've pretty much been selfishly waiting for people to ask me out. Before I realised it today, I haven't been reading my friends' blogs or checking their Facebook out for about a month. It's also scary that there's this obvious, growing barrier between us (guys in NS) and the rest in university, like a fatty node growing between us. Thoughts of turning anti-social really scares me quite a bit. But anyway I'm happy Suwen pretty much re-ignited a small part of the old me when we messaged today. The part which was excited to enlist because of all the jungle experiences and nature all around. The part which likes to be outfield, facing tough, near-to-death experiences (exaggeration, but still true). The part which was an adventurer.

Wharrz Harpperning ~

2011-09-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

End of the two-week ramp-up course at Charlie. I must say it has been quite a good experience for NS life man. I like the way things were structured, appreciate that on the second week we do actually have most nights to ourselves, and even a nights out on one of the days. Maybe it's because a lot of us are comparing this to what we're going to face - stripped bare of admin time in OCS. In any case, most of the enciks were extremely nice and patient and funny and wise. We learnt a lot, but I think the thing I'm mighty-thankful for was for the mental preparation during these two weeks. Reflecting on what is expected of us, what we need to prepare for.

The best of the lot was meeting the bunch of them. It's absolutely great to find people in the same boat whenever you're through tough times. In all the uncertainty and loss and we are facing, we find strength, motivation and camaraderie in each other. It would have been great if OCS was like that. I think about all of them and in many ways I pride myself as a specialist. We've this unique "don't need to work so hard all the time" attitude (in a good way) which I don't think I'll see in OCS. Instead I think the OCTs would even think that we're just too lepak and relaxed. I'll let you guys understand the scale of their "lepakness" by telling you that I'm already the most tensed up guys in the group. Ever since Raven I've been having this "inefficiency-issues" thing going on, so I hope you understand. But yeah, all of their ridiculous fooling around and jokes I will definitely miss.

Army talk bleh bleh bleh.

DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?

2011-09-11T02:37:00.000+08:00

Does this mean what I think it means?! I hope I've not read and comprehended the tweets wrongly, but anyway I'll tell you the story to help you get on track on what I'm talking about.

So I bought this pair of brown leather brogue shoes from ASOS - my mum collected the package on a weekday and I got the package today after I booked out. I thought it was a moment of folly cause I remembered the shoes I ordered has laces. I checked it up online hastily and sure enough, found out I was delivered the wrong pair. It's a pair of leather espadrilles, which I really didn't think was worth $60. Anyway, I bought the pair of denim shorts at a waist size of 30 by accident, because this little bug in my head told me I wore size 30 when I made the purchase. I forgot I wear 30 for jeans because my thighs are usually too big for those in 28. So the denim's half-fucked as well. And then there are the purchases from the previous batch - a shirt with collar too wide, as well as espadrilles which are worth four pounds, but which size I bought too big. I brought the four of them to the post office hoping for low delivery fees but found out that it is $58. I mean, even if I did send all four items back, I would only get a refund of $110 - $58 = $52, which is extremely not worth it.

But now it seems like problem is solved! I would bring my shorts to peninsula to alter, then I'll leave the espadrilles and shirt away. Ok too sleepy. Goodnight.

Past Journals

2011-09-03T23:29:00.003+08:00

30th August 2011, 9.47PM in bunk without Internet. I woke up from my bed at 6.05PM, before my dad hurriedly went off to change. I took a glance at the time - shit. Book in timing is 8.00PM, that means I'll have to get out for dinner. Like, now. One of those moments you want to shout a "Fuck" across the room. I reached home at a little later than 1PM after lunch and grew really tired while trying to edit selected photos I took at the hill. I was only at the third when I gave up and slept instead. So that concluded my book-in day. I didn't even get to upload all those photos I've been wishing to upload.

And Phuture was awesome yesterday. Had plenty of drinks, so much so we were all real drunk and high but we could still give away the remaining Barcardi and Red Label we obtained. The crowd was good and for the first time I was in Phuture and I had space to shuffle properly. Not that I really shuffle or do whatever else weird dance moves in clubs. The only time I've seen guys dance wildly was in SA's post prom. A bunch of guys with hair spiked up like pricks, probably the cannot really make i dancers who like to pose. I recall feeling quite awkward for them then.

2nd September 2011, 10:34PM Wow, I'm blogging quite a lot on my iPod touch huh. What to do man, so little book out time, so much to do. So the crossover is official. I think that moving all my barang barang over to Charlie coy for the two week ramp-up course had really helped me settle in a lot, both physically and mentally. I do really complain a lot, I've come to realise. I mean, it's definitely not like it just got through my thick skull to how annoying my complaints are, but this time I thought back and really was like - woah that IS a load of complaints! I whined about OCS for the past two weeks, and this time I realised how much I was complaining without even Sandra to scold me about it.

Now that it is official I told myself I'm no longer going to have negative thoughts about OCS. My encik today reminded me that we are carrying the flag of SCS on our shoulders when we go over to OCS. Yes, definitely people will judge us by that, so it's up to us to show them that we can do it. That we can even do it better. I'll do it for all my friends over here at SCS, I'll do it for the pride I have to be a specialist. So yes, it's mission abandoned for the half of my heart which secretly wishes to OOC in OCS to end up as an 8-5 admin spec. Yes, weak I know.

While I continue to motivate myself to strive towards at least half-excellence in OCS, I'll end off this post with the photos I promised last week. You can view the rest at my Facebook album here.

Indiegenius Maximus

2011-08-29T18:54:00.001+08:00

Remember I said that this long weekend's been exceptionally meaningful cause I got to catch up with a couple of long-time no see friends? Yeah, today just added meaning on a whole new level. It's extremely accomplishing, to say. So my morning jog failed, because I was too lazy to wake up plus part of me knew that it was going to rain, cozied up in my bed, with the air-con turned on and the curtains still drawn closed. Yeah, I think I can tell the weather without looking. Sarcasm. But that kinda reminds me of the bimbo in Mean Girls who can tell the weather by squeezing her own boobs. Haha, funny.

I got distracted. Anyway, I woke up eventually at 11am, looked out of the curtains to find it raining, and went "oh well, I'll finish up watching True Grit, which I left halfway when I had to leave for dinner with my family on Saturday. We went to The Ship at nex, after all the big hoo-haa and after a few months of having not much time to go there. The steak was expensive, but I don't think it was that awesome. I'd actually think Jack's Place's better. They don't need to waste extra money on spirits to make the beef taste better.

So by the time I finished True Grit, it wasn't raining anymore. Cloudy, cool air - best time for taking photographs. Yes, contrary to popular beliefs, landscape photographs actually look better under cloudy sunlight rather than one which is blasting all over your skin. I'm not a photographer at all, but I think that much I know. So there, I crossed out one thing on my short-term To Do list. I went to the park outside my house (it's actually behind Cedar Girl's, which is totally not "outside my house" but I'll just like to call it that. It's the absolutely awe-smacking buckle-whacking hill that I discovered while running around the neighbourhood, around June of JC2, if my memory doesn't fail me. I set it down on stone that I'll go there to take photos one day, before all this beauty gets demolished for buildings and shit in twenty, thirty years. It was... awesome. I could think of alternative vocabulary but honestly, awesome fits it the best. It was like as if heaven wants me to be taking photos there, because this one plane kept flying around above the hill for at least ten times over, and I got it in some of my photos. And then after the plane left, two domestic dogs ran up the hill while I was taking photos of the tiny lalangs. Really cute pair. Intelligent as well, I gather, because the owner dared let them out to run along the track alone. I took advantage of the absence of their owner. I played with them a bit, but always kept a small distance because I'm not the kind who would hug and fondle stray pets. They were like blessings sent from heaven. Bloody hell photos of two carefree dogs running around a fantastic, gorgeous hill. I think my photos can probably fetch an award or something. No, completely kidding. I don't have the skills, but I tell you if some practiced photographer was there at the moment, I can swear the pictures can fetch awards. I'll post a few selected ones tomorrow after I sort the 200 photos out. I'm supposed to meet the Hs at 6PM but it's already 6.31PM. But sorry guys, this is a bit important to me. I'm sure you guys will understand right! I've hardly had so much to blog about besides my life in NS.

I went out again after a bath, to collect the two pairs of pants I altered at Penin. Bloody hell they are good. This pair of orange / brown pants I bought from ASOS. Awesome woo-hoo. Yes, bringing the other pair of never-worn-before River Island jeans was in my To Do list as well. And then, I skipped over to Adelphi to get a pair of headphones since my left in-ear was annoying me extremely badly in the morning while I was taking photographs, going on and off and loud and soft. It was a kind of last-minute decision which popped up in my head after I collected my altered pants. Which makes it even the more golden. Anyway, since asking for recommendations in JC, I've heard at least five people encouraging me to go to a certain shop named Jaben. Located at level four, I went there today and was extremely pleasantly surprised. I would now really fucking recommend it to anyone who's looking for headphones, in-ear and all sorts of things you plug into your head for music. I really have to head out soon so I don't have much time to horse around with you, but I'll give you a quick review.

Basically, you step into the shop, tell the shopkeeper what you're looking for, your budget and what you're particular about - vocals, bass or any type of crackling metal sounds you want. Take a seat at one of the many chairs in front of the counters, plug in their recommendations into your iPod and then you can try out their earphones for as long as you want. Like Ollivander's. The thing that is impressive is that they are extremely patient with you. Not like I could really test their patience cause I was in a hurry, so I was in the shop for less than ten minutes. But then a few more customers entered after me, the shop was full up and they didn't have enough seats. They attended to them, were polite and asked them if they minded standing up, and most of all they didn't put on that dinner-time waiter face. That "oh shit I'm so busy" face, the "run around, look extremely rushed but in fact do nothing much" kind of actions, the unconscious double in volume of speech that most people tend to have. I'll admit that I'm guilty for that. You act busy as a waiter during peak hours so hopefully the customers will be more understanding and quit asking you for iced water. And then, to top it off, they are extremely nice in giving you free stuff. I didn't even ask for anything, it's only my first time but they threw in a headphone amplifier to my purchase. It's not like I'll use it, but a free gift IS a free gift. And it came as a pleasant surprise when the cashier said "that'll be $50" because the other guy told me it was "about $65". And LOL it wasn't a mix-up. If that's what you're thinking. So yeah. Jaben's your first choice. That's not a typo - I'm making that decision for you.

And see, that's another thing off my To Do list. Three things in one day, that must be the most I've had. I can't wait to edit the photos tomorrow. I'm going to Phuture again today. It better be good cause I've a lot of (personal) reasons to stay home right now. And Zee Avi's new album Ghostbird's just released. It's real brilliant.

P.S. Best Fries Forever doesn't taste so "Best-Forever" when it's cold.

You know those days when you wanted to choose to not get out of bed and get lost in your head again.

2011-08-29T00:21:00.003+08:00

"Yeah yeah" and it's okay, "yeah yeah" and I'm alright. Phuture yesterday was packed like atoms in a molecule [acknowledge the scientific reference - I still have some brains], pushed around when a beeline tries to make their way in / out of the crowd at the centre. So tightly packed I hardly had space to move my hands around. Not a good experience. I stole my brother's Dr. Martens for the night, he's a full size smaller than me, and I completely regretted it. I looked taller, sure, but fuck when I took out my toes and examined it when I got home, they looked half-black. And I was sober. And then the cab driver fucking sped on the highway I almost vomited, for the first time, because of alcohol. I didn't in the end, but it wasn't a good feeling keeping it inside as well. Phuture used to be my favourite, Butter for ladies' night. Now, for at least many more months, I'm not going to be able to go for any ladies' night, and yesterday's completely ruined Phuture in my impression. Going again tomorrow because Gavin the VVIP's back in Singapore, so maybe I'll enjoy Phuture a lot more when everything's more or less free. I'll update you.

But still, these few day's been pretty... meaningful. Got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time - Puayying, Nicole, Freda, the few guys from Raven platoon 4.

My enciks (company warrant officers) recommended me for crossover to OCS a couple weeks ago, I went for the panel interview last week and today talked to Chengwei about it at the platoon gath. The results aren't out yet, so it's too early to speculate - who knows, after all this talk maybe I wouldn't even get in - but I can't help the thoughts from pouring. To be honest, somehow the more I talk about it the more it comes back to me that I don't want to be in OCS. With a bit more determination, I could even have added an "at all" at the end of the previous sentence. I think back about it and I don't even recall why I said yes at first. I remembered my actually answer was "I really don't know" but I had to choose between yes or no so I picked the safer. I think the decision was pretty much cowardly - cause the other choices facing me are (most likely) recce or infantry pro-term, cause the enciks told me it's a rare and golden opportunity, cause the faculty instructors saw it in me and I didn't want to disappoint them. I'm really going to miss the section badly. Maybe as bad as how I missed the section in BMT, but probably a lot more - because this time, if I'm going over, I'm going over alone (with Posh [yes, that's his real name], but there's an extremely low chance we'll be buddies). I haven't really openly said it, but the stereotypical OCS cadet disgusts me. I say that with completely no offense to anyone who isn't the same, anyone who's my friend. Only, I don't think the stereotype is merely a stereotype. Some things have to occur so often, so often that they could really be taken as truth before people spread them. I hate those who are so extremely proud and cocky that they are in OCS, that it's become the only thing they talk about, like OCS is all they have ever had in life. That's when so many of them don't have the calibre to be real leaders in life, or shall I say, to actually be losers in life. I hate those who commission to scold and assert authority over complete strangers who walk past them but not give them the proper salute. In fact, the only reason why they constantly need to assert the "rank" authority over others is a timid and badly punctured ego because they aren't respected by people they actually command, people who knows them. I don't quite like posh doo-doos as well, which there's a chance many of them are.

Chengwei tries to convince me that isn't the case. And I'll really give him that, but I still have reservations. I'll really try to not think about all these now - to worry later, only after I'm certain I'm in. But there's one effective thing I can work on. Something I learnt from what he was telling me. To create a goal. I'm quite certain I've lost my goal for these two years of my life since I came into SCS. I want to wake up to jog tomorrow. I'll start with accomplishing that first.

I think I might have to reiterate that I'm merely reflective, not emo. I'll prove it with a funny gif. It's time my blog got some stuff other than words anyway.

Waiting for my two shipments to arrive from ASOS (that's more than a hundred pounds) I can't be more excited. I really gotta get a personal cupboard.

2011-08-21T01:56:00.001+08:00

The Shame Stain of the Civil Slave

2011-08-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

I just realised that I've merely had close to eight hours of sleep for the past three nights. Fighting against the real heavy eyelids now, to say a few things. To be honest, I think if I'd actually go back to read my posts since I've enlisted, I'll probably notice a lot of similarities between them. Life has kinda stopped that way. I looked through my "exits" page and just deleted about more than half the links off my list. It's quite a shame though, that people hardly blog anymore. Or maybe they are all using private blogs, or twitter, which I'll never get. Twitter and such short messaging will never be able to express what I want to share. The word limit will be always too short. But then since such things happened, I've been feeling increasingly lonely. My reluctance to strike up meetings with others (a bit of laziness, fear of rejection and lack of time combined) resulted in some empty weekends. Like as if life in NS wasn't bland enough already. The mind craves some activities but the body doesn't really, I guess. I used to read my friend's blogs - get a glimpse and stay in the loop on what's going on with my friends, their lives etc, but now almost every page's a deleted blog or one which had accumulated probably a year of dust from the previous post. I wonder if anyone still reads this as well, guess removing my tag-board just made this place more empty. But I'll still continue irregardless, it's still important to me as a personal history.

I think I gotta start taking things more easily. I've been extremely moody during field camp the past week. I even took to scolding people for being "fucking stupid" right in front of their faces. Probably made a few enemies through that, so I think I gotta calm down and think. I mean, to be honest, it's not even such a great deal actually - to do things at their own pace, take things slowly. I talked to my brother about it and only then realised what I was becoming. One of those GGG (guys gone garang - an acronym I just created in the seconds before this) who will probably become a hated commander in the months to come after graduation. I'm afraid NS is taking over my life, and I've got to do some damage control now.

I really miss the 09S65 classmates, the other random 4E classmate I haven't seen since graduation at year four, my VJC CCA mates and even less attached groups of friends like the Creudor OGLs and more. I swear, a simple gathering alone with any of them would make a great day, because I felt like ever since I've enlisted I've only managed to keep in touch with a handful of friends, and then like sand in your hand, those you don't try to keep in grasp, those further away from the protection of you palms will slowly escape and fall through the holes between your fingers - finally leaving you with only so much to hold on to. It's time to stop procrastinating and start to plan some gatherings I guess.

Why, Oh Why, Oh Why, Oh Why

2011-08-06T23:50:00.003+08:00

I fell sick with fever today when I woke up. Must have been the lack of sleep on Thursday and the outfield exhaustion yesterday. The past two days were one of my worst in SCS so far - extremely packed outfield activities, a complete lack of sleep, and because my encik (platoon warrant officer) made me the leader platoon sergeant for the past two days, an extremely packed schedule and a load of mental stress. I would think I could have managed the responsibility, but then the unfortunate death of a specialist cadet in intelligence on Tuesday night during a navigation exercise made the HQ cancel all physical activities on Wednesday. We did our full day navigation exercise on Thursday, I slept after 2am, and then on Friday (a day we are all supposed to book-out on) we squeezed two days of activities into one. The miscommunication between the enciks themselves made things worse - on these days when activities needed to be quickly re-planned because of the Wednesday hiccup. We booked out on Friday, being literally shoved onto the bus out by our CWO at almost 11pm. I couldn't get to brief the rest on everything that was planned. All the things to prepare for before field camp next week, which starts the morning after our book-in on Tuesday this week. I cannot stand the entire messiness of it all. I hate to do things halfway, but the schedule forced me right into it. I thought it would be enjoyable to take leadership of my peers, but then the army doesn't let you take complete leadership. Of the things I could possibly arrange, there are yet so many others who resist and have their own plans, people of higher authority. So I hated it. I fear the thought of returning back to camp on Tuesday and having to be LPS for that night and Wednesday. But I have a long weekend. I will just focus on getting well and enjoying it. I don't want to bother myself about how to say specific commands and other things military.

I spent my evening today at Chinatown, reading Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, a sequel to The Hunger Games, which you must really read. It's been one of the only books which I've read since Harry Potter that kept my hands glued on it. I mean, ask my bunk mates and you'll understand. I'm reading it in bed, in the spare ten minutes I have to change into my smart four, and when I wake up, risking to be late for first parade. It's really interesting. And amidst all the survival techniques, hunting in the woods - quite apt for reading during NS. At some parts of the story I actually feel the character, and so much resonates with what I'm doing - all the outfield, camouflage and jungle. I can't help but feel some uncanny similarity between Katniss and the tributes being under the control of the Capitol, to us NSFs under the Army. Okay, it's not that exaggerated, but some things do resound in my head.

I took an hour to walk around Raffles Place and Chinatown today after reading, which felt good. The cool night air blowing down on my face, I can't help but remember all the times I've spent here. The many times I've studied till the Tully's staff mops the floor and packs up the cafe. The empty streets of the CBD and the closed rows of shops under the cultural preservation of the shop houses at China Square, colourful and intricate. I recall the first time I discovered the place with my cousin and my brother. I remember bringing many friends there for studying sessions - Wenxin, Suwen, Kelly, Ian, Daniel, Ivan and Alvina. And so many of the long walks I took after days which I studied alone.

I tried to think about things, about life as I always did. I used to walk around in the night to think about life a lot, to reflect back on the events surrounding my life, to plan my future ahead with big, lofty dreams, but now NS has almost taken all of it away. I didn't realise it till I tried to do the usual I did - walking around the same quiet CBD after the office workers have left for home, listening to artists like The Morning Benders, Mumford & Sons, Jack Johnson, Zee Avi and Ingrid Michaelson, seeing the same familiar buildings. But it was different. My mind's empty. All the lofty plans vanished while things in my life are becoming more and more uneventful, the past trickling away. Basically, my life has become meaningless since National Service. Last week I wrote out a list of things I could do on my weekends, because I start to fear that I'll just lose two years to NS, just like that, but the list comes out to be extremely vague. Things like learning the ukulele and painting which I know I'll hardly ever start on. In a snap, two youthful years taken away from me. What I'm most afraid of is that I'll no longer be the same, no longer thinking, reflecting, losing my ideas of the future and creativity. I'm not even sketching anymore. I'm just hoping things would settle down soon, settle into something more routine perhaps, so I could get time and no longer while it away in NS like that.

It's All A Show.

2011-07-30T22:02:00.000+08:00

100% home-grown Singaporean artist decides to leave Singapore | The Online Citizen

Tear-jerker. Just what the fuck is wrong with Singapore?

I think I saw a ghost.

2011-07-16T20:14:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to go for a morning run every weekend, so that by week 4 of SCS, I'll be able to get my IPPT Gold, with an extra $200 put into my account as well as a IPPT Gold badge to wear on my sleeve. Because I was arranged COS [Company Orderly Sergeant] duty tomorrow (on Sunday), I'll have to book in at 8am instead of 11pm. So that ruined my morning jog plan, and I just came back from a short night jog.

My fingers are still really on the edge (and shaky) as I'm typing this and beginning to share the story. I opted for my usual morning-jog route to the scenic hill at Potong Pasir, but halfway through I took a detour because of heavy-traffic on the road. I started the jog into the forest beside the Bartley road cemetery, at around 7.15pm, with the evening sun still shining weakly. I discovered an amazing looking tree branch / forest log which formed a rainbow over the forest floor, almost Alice In Wonderland looking, vines creeping about and around the log, the rainbow-shaped log forming a kind of aisle along with knee-length grass on either sides of the route with gravels. I thought to myself, I'm definitely bringing the camera along on one of my next jogs, to capture the scenery around the place, and well as the scenic hill which I've always loved.

I continued on my jog at medium pace, looking into the sky as I did a short mental planning of my jog, so I wouldn't be late for the meeting with Benjamin. A mental schedule also, to ensure that I get out of the woods before night-falls. I figured if I ran to the end of the forest (at the main road at Marist Stella) and make a U-turn back, everything should fall nicely into place. Halfway through the jog, I heard a shout from a man coming from the forest opening, through my earpieces and music. It was a quick shout from behind me and it stopped almost immediately after it started, so I figured he wasn't talking to me and carried on my jog.

I don't have a habit of wearing spectacles for jogging, but then as I jogged forward into the forest, I saw a figure of a woman standing in front of a tree beside the pavement. I didn't think much of it at first (and didn't have time to anyway) but before it registered into my mind, I got closer to the tree and saw the woman. Initially looking up into the tree, she turned as I jogged closer. She had the figure of a slightly plump man, broad shoulders and thick legs. Wearing a knee-length velvet purple dress, a red handbag hung around the elbow as well as a red pair of heels. It was only when she turned to look at me did I understand what I saw. A face closely resembling a man, heavily made-up with blushing cheeks and bright-red lipstick. I saw the face, turning towards me as I approached, with a frozen wide-smile and an unchanging face.

Once it registered in my head, I bore the words of my mother in my head - repeatedly reciting the Buddhist scripture, running forward and never looked back. It was then that I realised the night was falling very quickly, and that the Marist Stella end of the forest had tall fences blocking it from the main-road. Running back towards the opening was definitely out of the question. I sprinted through the tall-grass and uneven terrain out of the forest, towards the nearest opening of light I could see. I carefully sprinted out of the forest, avoiding holes on the ground and the many tree roots coming out of the ground because tripping in the forest has always been the next encounter by the protagonist in horror stories.

I'm safely back at home now, but goosebumps still fill my entire body. Every inch of it. Till now I still wouldn't be able to tell if what or who I saw was really a ghost, but the feeling was as close as it could be.

A post I forgot to post on the 5th.

2011-07-16T18:13:00.003+08:00

Had a midnight jog today cause I thought it's been long since I had some alone time to think about stuff and really just enjoy the nature around me. My Tekong cough-virus is probably at it's third stage of evolution now because of my laziness to do anything solid about it for the past nine weeks. I felt stitches ten minutes into the slow jog, then (relatively bad) chest pains another ten minutes later. Fuck, I better drink my cough syrup obediently this time.

Anyway so the late night run prevented me from taking my normal route (beside the cemetery), especially with all those Tekong ghost stories still in my mind. But hey instead I discovered another wonderful place - Bishan Park. Not sure if I'm slow on this, but most of you probably don't know about it yet - all east people huh. A large half of it is still undergoing development, but for what I can currently see, it's definitely worth a trip down. It's extremely naturous, for all nature lovers to take note. There are streams winding all around the park (not yet filled though) which leads to pools of water in the centre of the park. Very modern / zen type of park design concepts, wood-based suntanning (or probably just relaxation) beds for couples scattered with a calculated distance between them and also a typical couple's bridge. As I carried on with the run, I saw more amazing things. They've built a nature-themed wellness centre, a garden cafe and bar, a skating rink and probably a few other small things centred at the park. The park's bloody huge anyway. And the bar! Bloody nice nature-themed, I also saw this sign which says there are live band performances, so fuck I'm definitely giving it a go! Also, this particular board mentioned that they are planning to stream Kallang river's water into this park. Honestly my geography of the island isn't great so I can't tell if it will work out, I might have misinterpreted the board, but it sounds pretty cool. If you ignore the fact that Kallang's water isn't very sightly most of the time, of course.

If you've run out of places in your head to go with your girl / guy, I urge you to go to Bishan Park before the crowd sets in, cause the park's real quiet (at least tonight) so you could do all the sleazy making out in the public, minus the weird stares. Thrill + nature-environment = good fun. No, don't judge me. Mark my words. Mark my words. [purposeful repetition] Give it half a year, it's going to become as crowded as Esplanade rooftop. The crowd might not be as cool though, given that we're all heartlanders pretty much just hanging out / dating downstairs from our houses.

I hope I wouldn't be late for Sentosa tomorrow. Quite a lucky coincidence though, both my platoon meetup and volleyball date with the Dunmanians falling on the same day at the same place. Great way to make full use of my block-week day. It's kind of evil and pang-sehish though I admit. But then I hope you forgive me when you realize that I've only got a mere three days in Singapore for my life before I go back to the two-year commitment of NS, cause I'll be going on a family trip to West Malaysia from Wednesday night to Sunday morning. Can't wait for the trip though, like a short escape out of town.

POP LO!

2011-07-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

I remember a couple of posts ago, I was ranting on and on about how late Raven books-out, how early we book-in, how tough was our training and for a swift second there, I almost hated Raven. I remember saying that I miss all of my life and freedom I've previously had, I look back at every single activity I've participated in or things I've done and never had I looked back with negative emotions. I hoped being in Raven in BMT wouldn't be an exception.

So these nine weeks are more or less concluded with our POP after a 24-km route march across the whole of East Coast and finally through the Gardens at the Bay and into Marina Bay. The "stairway to hell" was no kick at all for all of us tough platoon 4 mates who climb five storeys everyday, whether it's with our duffel bags or field packs or PT-kit. Our last two weeks were honestly one of the best BMT experiences recruits could have, or at least I say so with my observations. The first seven weeks of high-key events saw a company with extremely low morale, tortured and shouted at, but everything changes with Games Day. Games Day was the start of everything great, after we won, our morale shot up from the bottom of BMTC to possibly the top.

I'll never forget that moment after lunch on one fine day, when the four platoons of Raven COY marched in a long chain of platoon level back to COY line, singing "We Are the Champions", doing the perfect hentak kaki and "Count By The..." cheer, executing the perfect ke kiri pusing with a single, loud bang, then hearing Pegasus uncontrollably let out an awe amongst all the sarcastic cheering when they heard it. All of us Raven recruits holding it there before the senang diri, beaming with pride at our success and our morale.

Think I'll miss my section cause they've been a real bunch of friends to me during this period. Next time I'll look back and think about all the fun we've had in the many weeks, gathered around the table and having chats, singing along to songs blasted out of speakers, suaning Chidam's ass-crack and Desmond (and my) height and so many others. I'll never forget that I'm a Raven recruit.

It's great that I got to see so many people at the parade though I missed photo opportunities with so many cause I was busy running around looking for people I wanna take photos with. Special thanks to my family and Alisa and Wenxin who specially came to support! And then I gotta thank my brother for all the beautiful pictures. I'm such a douche I forgot it was his birthday on Saturday. =x

Raven COY x 5 / We are the best / We are the champions / We will always be number one

2011-06-25T03:12:00.000+08:00

Can't believe that we booked-out yesterday (Thursday) - fuck, there it goes again, technically two days ago - and then on the night of the book-out, I had dinner and caught Green Lantern with my section mates, then today (fine - yesterday / Friday) went out with some platoon mates to Sentosa and then L4D2.

On the bright side, this long weekend is going to be jam-packed with many activities so I believe I can book-in happily this Sunday. Today (henceforth considered Friday) was quite extremely eventful as well. Shook off a bit of volleyball craving from my body cause I've been dying to play volleyball ever since Games Day announced there wasn't going to be volleyball and then I joined the frisbee team and everyday while we're training I see the captain's ball guys practicing with a volleyball and I get jealous and stuff. And then I had a blast of L4D2 for the first time in months, and then I ate at the fantastic Medzs restaurant at Orchard Central (another paragraph for that later) and for the day I drank Tiger, SOL and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc on three separate occasions. My brother bought midnight tickets for X-Men and I just came back from it with my family. The alcohol flushed me up though, so once my parents saw me it became obvious that I was drinking before I met them for the movie. The worse part's when my body flush was actually half sunburnt and half alcohol, so with my Asian Flush condition, you could imagine how red my skin was. Lobster red would already be an understatement. Like if I was Prof X, I would hear the whole Orchard Road thinking to themselves "oh what a noob, have I seen someone so red from alcohol before?"

Random interjection to /th: yes, I thought X-Men was good. Hell, I thought X-Men was brilliant. [End of interjection] So correct, that makes Green Lantern one of the worst movies I've watched this year (though not many). The plot's extremely predictable, the movie surprisingly uninteresting. Too human, I would prefer if the war was between the Lanterns and the evil force. I would wanna see more alien action, which was so obviously lacking. But then hey again, all of the Lanterns have the same skills so it really can't beat X-Men. And then you realise you're hearing these complaints from an NS recruit who haven't seen any single television programme for the entire week (and haven't paid attention to them for two whole months) and you thought simple entertainment would be sufficient. So yeah, if it disappoints me, trust me - it's going to disappoint you too.

Oh yes! And I was going to tell you about the restaurant called MEDZS! It's located at Orchard Central's basement - just take the main escalator down a couple times and you're bound to see it. Otherwise, look for other escalators which continue to go down and go to hell. Sorry, that was rude of me. It's nearing 3AM and I haven't yet bathed ever since I went to Sentosa in the morning so I'll cut this short. It's basically a Marche mock-up, same kind of wooden furniture and decorations, same kind of lighting and stall placement, same kind of food, same card scanning system, same beeper device, just without the fake trees. But here's the real difference, and the difference you and I care about. 1. Their food prices are bloody affordable / reasonable (depends on what you're getting) for example, my hotplate of chicken with mushroom and cheese was $6 on menu price. A plate of chicken and vegetable paella costs $9. 2. With the style of their restaurant, obviously, there's no service charge. 3. Their rosti, mash potato tastes soooo much better than that at Marche, and their food really has standards. 4. The chefs aren't locals - they cook the food of their origin (which I think Marche does the same though). 5. They have happy hour for beers forever. 1-for-1, like amazing woohah. Plus their wall of beer bottles is crazy, there's everything you want to drink and most things you can imagine, from KingGoblins to Asahis and Coronas and Fosters. So in the end you're only paying like a little more than $5 for a bottle. 6. Like the cherry on top of all the creamilicious whipped-cream, DBS cards (including debit cards) enjoy 25% discount off the total bill. Like SCREAMING WTF!!! So you know where I'm bringing you the next time you're going to ask me about food recommendations.

Yeah k I'll take a bath and rush to sleep now. I don't want to go shopping with my brother at Somerset (again) tomorrow, I plan to go to Chinatown, to the usual cafe I like to go to, read a book and then explore around a bit and try to sketch the shop houses. I might not have the guts to sit down on the road and sketch in the end, but I think it's worth a try. So excited.

And we, we live half in the day time and half at night.

2011-06-19T18:17:00.000+08:00

My previous post was supposed to be all about being back from outfield for good (for BMT) and all about Raven being very fuck-y about our book-outs and that I'm no longer feeling so emo-nemo about NS life and a lot of other shit but my brother was fixing up our high-speed fibre thingum last week and then I fell asleep and forgot about it the next day and there my post lay on my desktop collecting dust for a week. But that's already past-tense so I can't be bothered to post it up anymore. My fibre thing is fucking up a lot, when I came home from Phuture I couldn't fix it up and I was so annoyed cause we have less than 24 hours this book out and I don't want to waste my time sleeping. Plus I already slept for an hour on the pavement outside Zouk. And then before that ten minutes while dancing. That's a lot of time wasted. But then I couldn't fix the shit, gave up trying to wake my brother up and fell asleep. There's a common misconception that I'm an IT-savvy person just cause I design and html-code amateur blogskins, but TBH I suck at fixing things up. Not the engineering type of person.

I don't suppose I can fuck around with Raven's reputation on my blog, but this week really pissed me up a bit. We ended hand grenade throw at 2PM (others usually drag till 6PM) but then we had to head back to the company line and book-out at 9PM yesterday cause our OC likes to make us closet-muggers. Raven was secretly training for Games Day while the rest of school 3 which could book-out booked-out. You know I fucking hate closet muggers. And you know I fucking hate it when we book-out late. You can do the math to how angry I was when I heard the news.

Anyway I managed to catch Inch Chua do half a set at 313 last week and she soooo smiled at me. So that made me happy. Disclaimer though, I'm not a fanboy. I merely like her songs. And yesterday, with the Chandra family name, all of us managed to get into a Phuture that was already full and not accepting entry - for free. Plus after Phuture ended, the Zouk DJ carried on for like close to an hour extra. Hell, Gavin's dad's wicked cool. Oh and have I told you? Instead of going to the beach for a family outing, their family goes to Zouk together. HAHAHA k yeah so that's it. Not enough time to blog anymore cause Raven gave me only 24 hours out in Singapore. So whiney.

Helplessness Blues

2011-06-05T14:04:00.001+08:00

Listening to The xx with a slight headache from fever actually feels like I'm on drugs. Not like I know how being on drugs feel like though. But really, I'm going to book in in a couple more hours, and so far I've done nothing with my weekends. Heaven's really not on my side this time. Woke up at 6am for my morning jog in an attempt to cheer myself up a bit but then the rain and thunderstorms had to come. Mum didn't allow me to get downstairs to have roti-prata by myself in the heavy rain at 9am, so I ended up having to eat rice dumplings which she, my aunt and grandma made the previous day.

I think my previous post sounded more emo than I intended it to be. I guess the words really transcends my emotions huh. If you can still tell, I'm not cheery at all now. NS made me forget how to have fun. I wasted the whole weekend away, it's going to be "poof" in a couple of hours and yet here I am, lazing around, not cherishing it. I used to have a lot to think about to myself, plans for my future, career, relationships and more. Self-improvement, self-development and maturity. In the short span of three or four weeks, my mind's left with nothing to think about. I march around the coy line with an empty mind, I'm more often than not stoning into space, and I really don't know what to do with my life. I think my current mental state's at depression. I don't know which book to pick up reading, where to go, what to eat, and I even lost my ability to draw. My previous sketch was on a windy night on 3rd May, two days before my enlistment, two days before my life came to an official halt.

I used to have such lofty dreams of how I could utilize perfectly the time I had in NS, but then now everything's a blur. My headache's not helping as well.

The final sketch I drew on 3rd May. I think I like to draw naked people. I've already saved a photo of two emotive hot lesbians making out, and then I'm going to draw a naked frail old man after that. But that's the problem - I can't draw these openly cause... I'm not going to easily work a way out if my parents catch me in the "act". I think there's a lot of emotion body postures alone can show. And yes, friends, please ask me out okay?

Give it up, I can't give it up.

2011-06-05T00:02:00.000+08:00

Field camp week was honestly disappointing. Fell out twice, once due to heat exhaustion on the first day after the 8k route march and after getting pumped like fuck. Second time was 4th day afternoon when I started to have a high fever. Got better after an hour or two (with five ice packs and multiple cups of ice water and cold water splashed all around my body), joined back platoon activities but fever started again at night after the top seven shell scrapes went back to coy line. Heat exhaustion was crazy scary. You know how Venom in Spiderman transforms? When the black wraps over his entire face? I had numbness which felt like someone was pulling at my face wrapped with clear foil. It hurt so much tears involuntarily came out from my eyes.

Just a week of outfield and I had to fall out twice, really makes me doubt my physical abilities. Body's fucking weak and now I feel like shit, how to survive command school like that? Anyway was only supposed to book out tonight, but then I took the last ferry out yesterday because the medical officer gave me attn c status when I reported sick yesterday. Don't think that's shiok, cause I spent the whole day sleeping at home and I'm on five different medications. Much of my optimism has been sucked out by field camp, and now I really don't know how I'm going to go through these two years.

I'll get used to it, sure, but I doubt I'll enjoy it. I think about all the free time I used to have but now it's just... nothing. I haven't seen so many people for so long, and I'm almost scared that I'll lose touch with some friends for good during these two years.

Hope the next few weeks see my optimism picking up.

The Way I Am (Live on WERS) - Ingrid Michaelson

2011-05-22T10:35:00.000+08:00

Once in a while, when you spend most of your entire life into something which you don't exceptionally love, you start to reminiscent. Today I woke up at 8AM naturally cause I slept too much the previous day. I slept on the car, at my grandma's house on the massage chair, on the sofa before bathing and finally on bed after bathing. I went out to have roti prata for breakfast, just like old times. A bit different though - this time I ate an extra prata and an extra cup of teh tarik.

But then it all felt good. I can stroll along the pavements instead of doubling up everywhere I go. I can have my shirt tucked out. I can afford to spend fourty minutes eating breakfast. I can even drag my feet if I wanted to.

Ingrid's The Way I Am came up on shuffle after a couple of songs, and memories started to flow in. I always love it when some specific tunes are pegged to memories in a certain phase of my life. The song winds me back to June last year, when we wake up on weekend mornings, shorts and slippers, a light backpack of notes and stroll to VJ's scrabble board to study. At times we'll see a few other "regulars" like Xin Chen or Freda but otherwise the scrabble board is just us, the chilly morning wind, the peace and quiet and the school cat. I recall those little things we do - stealing the security bike to buy takeaways from Parkway, having lunch that Daniel bought, up at the tree-house, the nice hot drinks dispenser at the scrabble board and the pleasant small chats we had in between breaks. I miss writing econs essays on the shaky scrabble board table, I miss all the random people we see around in school on weekends when the school's home to probably less than 30 others.

Maybe next time when I look back, I might miss BMT too.

With my rifle and my buddy and me.

2011-05-21T16:05:00.000+08:00

It's been two weeks past BMT already, and so far so good. Some days were terrible, day four especially - that was the day all of us harboured suicidal thoughts together but it seems like my body got used to punishments. Knock it downs, crunches, prone rolls and all. And instead, I'm actually starting to develop a sense of pride to be in Raven.

Our commanders have been scolding us almost everyday though, but to be honest I do understand why. After I started to feel the pride in being a recruit in Raven, I look around and I see so many fellow platoon / company mates who don't sing, don't echo and don't bother to put in effort into things. People who makes the whole company knock it down even when the rest are putting in real effort into things. But that's enough of complaining.

Time now actually passes quite swiftly in BMT. The trick's really just not to bother about how many days to book out and the date everyday, but just look forward to things which happen often. For me, it's food. So effectively my day is split into three parts: before breakfast, before lunch and before dinner. And I may actually enjoy it. Though of course more admin / free time would always be great.

What more?

2011-05-01T23:20:00.001+08:00

I've gone clubbing a few times, went out with many of my friends, volunteered at SAMH, currently having a close to $500 budget deficit despite my weekly "working reimbursement" of $80, went for all the interviews, settled on NTU & its scholarship, had an extremely busy week ever since I left work, and I got to ball at Sentosa today. What more can I ask of life right? Maybe? But yeah whatever, I'm ready for NS. Oh, Singapore Government, I am now ready for the sacrifice.

And when you left this town,You had to change your name.You had to change your faceTo hide away the painBut you run from heart to heartAnd take on right back to the start.

2011-04-29T02:00:00.002+08:00

Came back from USS. Second time there, I'll update with selected pictures later, but now sitting on the chair I'm getting a bit of dizzy, probably due to the excessive BSG rides. Great fun with Tzuhsiang, Liqin and Sandra - being able to expect everything dulls it a bit but the company and the atmosphere is great. I think I like the Daddy O's quite a lot. Plus it's free for me cause it's my belated birthday gift, so WOOHOO! Gawd - heavy dizzy spells.

In any case, I just looked through close to a thousand and five hundred of my photos, in part because of the narcissist in me (and in an attempt to cut down my photo count, hence untagging myself from photos which are similar to each other), otherwise because I miss my ex-life. I miss so many things, and so many things VJC. Aside whatever haters say, I do miss VJC - a school which has brought sorrow and tears to some and yet happiness and bliss to others. I miss the old Phoenix, I miss orientation, I miss seeing the many other (not-so-close) people I've got to know in school. I miss the old, dirty and run-down complex of VJC, the feeling of school and even down to the white cat which harassed me numerous times while we studied for the A' levels. You only start to appreciate things which are lost, and regretfully all these mentioned above are those lost links, expired experiences and broken friendship. When I grow old and earn enough, I think I'll be able to say that I'll give a million to have time frozen during the two years of VJC. But then again, with foresight I'll say that there are still many things I could look forward to in life. 'Don't harp on the past and get a move on!' the onlookers exclaim. But the onlookers don't know you.

Of the things I miss in VJC, old Phoenix was a huge part of it. I mean, of course, given the amount of time we've used to spend together. I hate to call it old Phoenix, but things change - so many parts of it slowly crumble away to seek companionship in others. And then, there's Ian. The thousands of photos taken, but what now remains on Facebook is merely a ghost after we were deleted as friends. The action felt to me like a refusal of our past and everything which happened, oftentimes seen in a sci-fi movie whereby a stretch of memory is extracted and taken away, only to leave a stark, blank emptiness. A ghost: a face without a name, a name without a face. There's no point chasing a ghost, and my mixed feelings about his departure has since (in the past year) been swirled into an unknown, something I no longer think about, and most of all, a taboo to many of us. I recall the many overnights - Daniel's house, classrooms in school, airport, the Igloo (which I assume is now safe to say, since we're all graduated and broken free of the heavy chains of school rules). And then the memories of all the crazy things we've done together comes flowing in - camwhoring in multiple spots across the country, roaming in IKEA, the Phoenix Halloween, splitting my pants, baking at Daniel's and many a times studying, but not really studying.

Whether or not I'm ever going to experience these exact moments of happiness again, looking at these old photos - how I spent my youth away - still creates this little bubbling sensation of warmth deep inside my heart, and for all it is worth, I thoroughly loved it.

I'm blabbering again, aren't I?

Elections looming, sheltered walk-ways building.

2011-04-24T12:25:00.003+08:00

So in the past hour and a half I was reading up / watching videos on the elections. Honestly, I'll tell you its the more juicy stuff about the new candidates that I looked out for, and bleargh the new PAP candidates just make you want to face-palm. And all the PAP's new media techniques of reaching out to the public? I feel extremely flushed and embarrassed for the ruling party of my country. You could go check out their Facebook or Twitter. The Facebook link I've given you is actually an account in representative of Mr Goh Chok Tong and Marine Parade. Which is the one that is getting all the criticisms and juicy gossips around it. See: PAP Marine Parade Facebook calls commenter 'ignorant'.

Oh yeah, and the new candidates. I wouldn't comment, but I think you can judge for yourself. I'll just pick out a few of Tin Pei Ling's... quotes of interest. I know I'm a bit slow on this. But all of us politically apathetic students? You probably haven't watched this as well huh.

Chan Chun Sing (PAP)'s speech.
And like my brother commented, "Oh god I finally fully understand the meaning of second-hand embarrassment."

Tin Pei Ling (PAP)'s video interview.

Q: What's your greatest regret?
"The greatest regret is... I didn't manage to bring my parents to Universal Studios before that because I foresee that in the upcoming days it will be very busy, and because I've been in the grassroots I understand that the schedule for MPs, the commitment is very high."

Q: Do you think more can be done to alleviate the high cost of living?
"... For now, with the new budget 2011, we know that there are some measures put in place to help to tackle or cope with the inflation. I would think that let's give it some time, see how things go, if it still crops up, then we can... then at least we will know what are the specific areas that is very difficult to... or that is very difficult for the people to deal with, and therefore we can come up with some solutions for that lah."

Nicole Seah (NSP)'s video interview.

Nicole Seah's interview is a must-watch. I mean, compare and contrast the two new young female candidates and it's a no-brainer who's better.

There's a fire starting in my heart...

2011-04-22T00:59:00.001+08:00

I went for NUS's scholarship interview yesterday, technically two days ago since it's past midnight (don't you just hate to have to repeat that every time?!) but woah it did change my impression on one thing - all the straight As buggers aren't what you imagine. You think they are the scrawny little boys and girls behind thick spectacles, freckles and bad dress sense? WRONG WRONG WRONG. Now I feel like an idiot (and a cocky dick) for thinking so. In short, my interview wasn't much of a success. To be honest, it wasn't any part of a success at all. I should have prepared myself a little at least.

I expected the interview to be similar to NTU's one, which was basically three interviewers and me, asking average leadership / experiences questions and that's it. I turned up and was directed to a waiting room with 7 other applicants and that was shock one. Shock two came when I heard there was an hour of written assessment. Shock three came when I heard our general knowledge was tested. Shock four was when the OAS sheet asked specifically for us to write our name, with the first name in front. I got momentarily confused, couldn't decide if Chew or Bolong was my first name, and wrote down "Bolong, Chew" on the first OAS, then "Chew Bolong" on the second OAS. If they would read into that, it'll clearly spell indecisiveness, a lack of confidence and a sheer lack of... common sense. Fucking slap myself please. Shock five was when I opened the general knowledge paper and I see all the little brainy minions in my head laughing at me for the lack of newspaper reading. I mean, even if I read, I always skip all the Middle-Eastern conflicts cause they make me confused (my geography's extremely bad in the first place) plus I hate to read about killings and unrest. So part one was a complete disaster, thank you very much.

Back to my point - the third part of the selection process proved to me that everyone there is a good speaker. To honestly rate myself (in my personal opinion), I'm the 2nd from bottom out of eight. My usual "fuck it, I don't really care" attitude was completely diminished when I heard the first three speakers in front of me, and my two minutes to present my case was a complete lack of time management, with a couple of stutters, a good four-seconds of pause at one instance, and probably an unimpressive presentation. So you could call it a screw-up.

The worst thing was that I went to the interview not wanting the NUS scholarship (not that I'm braggy / picky but that the NUS Business course doesn't much interest me) and then the professors talked to us after the session and made NUS sound awesome. And so, fuck me. But then again I'm supposing I wouldn't get the scholarship anyway, so I'll just accept NTU. They've accepted me for scholarship if I haven't told you. I just didn't see the point to blog about it publicly, though I'm extremely delighted. It was an ego-boost, definitely. Good riddance, in a way, I wouldn't have to struggle and think about which university I want. Gawd it's late. I plan to wake up at 6.00AM tomorrow for a morning jog. Haven't done that since the last time I blogged about it. Which was... what? Two weeks already?

HOOYAH!

2011-04-18T01:44:00.000+08:00

Hell busy week. So that's eventful, eventful, eventful! I'm not complaining. Working twice next week and then BOOMZ! I will be retired from part-time jobs, ready for NS! Can't wait to be free. I can't wait to have free time in the afternoon, go to Chinatown and devour my books page-by-page. A part of me can't wait for NS as well TBH. I think I'm going to be excited to sleep in nature and wilderness.

Anyway, probably spent... more than a good 10 hours on this - drawing, water-colouring, photoshop-editing and all - but I think it's decently worth it. It's not perfect, I'm not overly excited about the outcome, but then I think it does meet my expectations. A part of me is annoyed at the colours, but otherwise... it should be cool!

The Dandy Warhols - Shakin'

2011-04-11T11:24:00.000+08:00

So the past week was interviews and all that. Nothing much went on in life honestly, 'life' as used in "do you have a fickin' life?"'s 'life'. Instead, because of 扫墓 on Saturday I couldn't go attend Daniel's and everyone else's POP. Which was my only event during the weekends. My Sunday was empty so I told my tuition teacher I'll be able to work for him. And yesterday, I did. At least I saw Veron and Sharon at work so that lifted up my Sunday blues. Like WTH right? Who the hell has weekend-blues? But it's not my fault everything is arranged on weekdays cause everyone thinks that everyone can't make it on weekends! My weekends are god-damned boring! I cannot even recall the last time I went out with friends. Hmm, think it was probably with Kelly, Su and Daniel, for merely a two/three-hour breakfast. Life's lonely. This week's much more eventful though.

Anyway I went for a morning jog today. From now onwards, I'm going to start a running-habit. For the sake of health, but mostly so I wouldn't feel like crap in NS. Pfft, so mugger right. The first day I went back to running (or: my body was able to wake up in early hours again) I ran across 2 SAJC guys. Everyone's training for NS?! So "LOL-pfft-whattheheck-LOSER!". But well, I guess I'm one of them. Hehe.

Yeah anyway I came back from running hours ago, and there's ample time before I start work (tuition teacher pushed our start-work time all the way to 12pm cause morning damn slack HAHA) and so I started sketching for Brigitte's flea poster. Her website's over here and here which is real cool cause WOOHOO blogshops finally care about selling guy's stuff! And it's cool cause the last time I saw her blogshop, it was pretty-much ordinary (no offense Brig) and selling pretty much normal stuff. But now it's all like "woah" and the layout / coding's well done and all. And plus she's going to be organizing this flea-market, ensuring that there's at least close to 50% guys' stuff sold, which is the first time I've seen a flea do this, so I'm really quite shocked to see her progress. Plus she's most likely secured local bands to do live-performances at the location, which is another woah. So yeah, I'm designing a flea-poster for her and she is voluntarily (not forced by me okay!) giving me an item of my choice off her shop. That is soooo win-win! So yeah, she's so nice so I'll give her a free ad.

Anyohow this is the sketch I've drawn in the past hour, it's not entirely original I'd admit. I understand how it's like to have your ideas uncredited, so I'll upload an original by the artist below as well, so you guys could check it out. Real unfortunately I don't remember and cannot locate the source of the artwork, but then if my memory doesn't fail me I took it off eatsleepdraw.com. The shoe onwards: speakers and words are really rushed though, cause towards the end I was starting to lose my concentration and shaking badly cause the hunger's really getting to me. I'm in a real bad state now I gotta chiong out for lunch. And I'm going to be late for work. So yeah I'll end off here. Check out the stuff below alright! It's a sketch, I'll be trying to add on colours either by photoshop or by colour pencils & watercolour. Speaking of that, I'm planning to take out $25 to buy drawing equipments at Popular later. WOOHOO excited! And if you happen to know where the frog drawing came from, please leave me a note and I'll do the crediting proper! Thanks!

Thanks to:

PAPAFailedAttempt.

2011-04-09T11:56:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer: The paragraphs below may contain inaccurate information or statements which may (narrow-mindedly) be deemed as offensive or politically motivated, due to the author's lack of political knowledge and lack of self-censorship respectively. Please, forgive when necessary.

I just have this tiny feeling in my heart, that this year, the political members over at the Parliament are facing a constant stress - something heavier than what we felt from PW. An unreliable source (my brother) told me that PAP was already heavily contested against in the last election, and in a plenty of GRCs, almost failing to hold on to the majority of votes. My lack of interest to Google and double-check the statistics has prevented a refinement of the actual voting percentages.

But even a plain old apathetic Jane would be able to tell when the elections are approaching, without the slightest political conversation with another being, or televised reports. The last-minute "vote for me!" actions are way too right-smack in the face for me to ignore. Have I told you that two or three weeks ago some runners of the GRCs visited my block (an executive HDB with 8 units, 4 on the ground level and 4 on the third storey) to explain why they wouldn't be able to build a lift for us and instead suggested a covered walkway from the neighbouring block in the circumstance of rain?

And then, there's all the government ang-baos to NSFs and whoever else, MP-meets-residents talks on my neighbouring block. And now, the multiple political talk-shows and forums on CNA. I heard the political forum was quite badly criticized. It's great that Singapore's finally trying to bring the political contesting scene to some public light on the media (not like secretly assassinating members of the opposition [OKAY FUCK I KID. HAHA TOO MUCH SPY-DRAMAS]) but the attempt at it does appear to be pretty typical, dogmatic stuff. The US has been doing that since what? 1970s? I personally think there's a lack of public involvement, though I didn't watch the political forum myself. There will be possibly this lack of interest in politics in me, until some drastic change happens. Say, for example, the opposition gains majority in the Parliament. Only then I'll be like "oh, juicy stuff" and henceforth be slightly more interested in finding out more. I said there's a lack of public involvement, and then now on CNA (tonight, I think) there's going to be this ask-the-PM session, whereby the public send in their questions via SMS and the PM will answer their questions "live".

I just watched half of the NUS's Q&A Session with PM Lee on CNA, and I thought it was less than half as bad as my brother said it was. Okay, I'm definitely in the politically-apathetic list in Singapore, so in a sense I'm much more easily convinced. His answers have reduced me to a less-critical state of mind, so I wouldn't be barking about it much more.

But then, all I wanna say is: go forth; come more elections, cause honestly that's (one of) the only time(s) we citizens have opinions which carry some weight, and when our neighbourhood issues get addressed. Maybe I should someday head downstairs to tell the MP about the cat-issue in Serangoon. Get him to eliminate some for me so I wouldn't have to use the multi-coloured moth-balls in my drawer. HAHA I'm kidding. I'm not that cruel.

The Passage.

2011-04-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

SMU interview was extremely fun. Partly because I went there with an any-o-how attitude (trust me, the way to do interviews well is to tell yourself you don't really care about its outcome, and then just go and have fun and be yourself). You naysayers are probably thinking that this is bullshit but okay, it's tried and tested. At least for myself. Here I am giving some nuggets of whizzdom and you don't wanna believe it. HAHA kidding. We're still friends right?

Yeah but shit. I think the seminar-style teaching approach is seriously tempting. Shit, I mean, whatever thing I last hear from / last experience is going to tempt me over to the other side. But then I think about the sad fact that you've compete with a bunch of peers who are dying to say something to say something to get points under their name for it? And all the rumours (cause I still cannot say that it's a fact) about heavy blood-splashing back-stabbing and the hell-u-va packed curriculum? I become confused in this maze in this wilderness in the middle of Amazon. And I've been seriously conscious of the fact throughout the group-interview. I had so much to say, the words were spilling out of my mouth onto the ground, but I tried to keep it to a minimum so I wouldn't annoy anyone else. I felt the girl opposite me giving me indecent glares. Kidding. I exaggerate. But well yeah, it was still all in good fun, it was a nice-discussion and I wasn't annoyed with anyone else. Unlike what my brother said (oh, again) there weren't really anyone who was just uttering nonsense and abruptly stealing the limelight.

Some light please guide me to my eventual university course please! I'm going to have to bua-buay soon. You know, throw the red cresent thingums to the Gods and ask for advice on whether the choices are good or bad?

Oh yeah, and last ladies night, I walked from Simpang Bedok to VJC. Passing by Tanah Merah and Bedok MRT, and half a stretch of East Coast Park. Just showing off. But hey who doesn't love long walks at night? And well, when you already grudgingly took out that exorbitant $28 for entrance fee, you will feel like saving on a cab and waiting another 3 hours for the first bus. Trust me. Maybe not. But I'm a poor bloke and I love night walks, so why not?

Yeah anyway I've definitely been reading books quite a long nowadays. I'm done with 2 books in the past 2 weeks, and I'm on this book called The Passage by Justin Cronin. Would be the thickest book I've read other than the Harry Potter series. 766 pages of pure tiny-worded goodness. But it's an interesting read. I <3 reading!!!

Stuff I saw on tumblr

2011-03-28T22:18:00.008+08:00

Listen to Elmo educate you about the days of the week.

OMFG just go hear what this freak is saying. I mean, to say that she deserves to die, although a bit hypocritical, would not even be considered extreme. Listen to WTF she's talking about! Crazy psycho-bitch she gotta be admitted into a mental institute. People like this, really make me re-think my decisions about helping the patients at SAMH / IMH. Plus my brother was telling me that actually many mental patients aren't even victims, or say comparatively, much less of a victim than those with terminal illnesses and such, which made sense, which just confuses me further so let's not talk about it. Yeah, she actually fickin' said that "Japan is a fantastic place to start" when referring to the Earthquake. "... with one day of prayer, with two days of prayer, to see god literally waking people up and say "you are going to hell"? Just imagine what will happen at the end of the 40 days". Okay, so that stinking bitch prayed for a fucking Earthquake to happen. She is far worse than the one from UCLA man! Her. Face. So. Punch-able.

I know we're supposed to keep our mouths shut about criticism of religions, but she's taking her belief too far. I was just discussing religion with my dad and brother yesterday, and seriously - no religion is bad. Everything started out with good intentions, creating a belief for people, but yet in these days things have spiraled into such a fucking disaster. Religion isn't about conflict, fighting or war. I hate what is being advocated to kids nowadays. I'm sorry to say but honestly, it's either many people are confused about what their religion is about or some people are teaching the wrong things. Like this bitch up here? And that day when I was volunteering, I talked to this patient from SAMH (who looks completely fine) but she was real annoying and bossy to the others over there, and she asked about my religion and commented "oh, so next time when I die, I'll go to heaven with God and the rest of you will go to hell". Seriously? It pissed my butt-cracks off but she was a patient so I pretended I didn't hear it. Okay this religion-talk can go on for days so I'll just leave it like that.

I'll share with you my volunteering experience some other day, when I'm feeling less pissed off.

USS / SAMH

2011-03-25T00:15:00.001+08:00

The past week had been great. So my boss - once my tuition teacher - booked 2 rooms at Resorts World Sentosa for us (his assistants) for 'staff welfare'. The first night we had 4 people and 2 rooms, cause he's just rich that way. Me and Veron was completely pumped about having a house (okay, fine, hotel) party cause we're so extremely short of people. Plus our boss Gary wanted to sponsor 2 bottles of liquor for us. And we bought the cheap calamansi and cranberry over at Vivocity's Giant for mixers. But then he forgot about them and we didn't remind him so yeah, that's why you got no invites. And I was with Yasmin when we were buying the snacks / drinks after shopping, and because we wanted to go into the express queue (baskets only) so we tried to take up our things by hand from the trolley. Only 3 bottles and 2 packets of chips, mind you, in case you're thinking that I'm inconsiderate with those judging eyes of yours. Anyway, the cranberry bottle slipped off my fingers, knocked against an ice-fridge, and rolled and spilled an entire nile river alongside the yogurt fridges. Two kids were running and one of them slipped on my cranberry on the floor, in a sliding tackle-fashion, and no damage was dealt, thankfully. But I'm quite sure his cotton shirt drank up quite a lot of the cranberry on the floor.

So there I was, with a bunch of snacks thrown on the ice-fridge, wet and sticky hands while Yasmin went off to grab a basket and some tissue, and so I stood there and couldn't help. His mum rushed over, and looked at me, with the quarter-full cranberry bottle in hand, the bottle cap misplaced, and went "who spilled the drink ah? who spilled the drink", the boy pointed at me, but she had to go on asking the same question, right in front of the flustered, panicky, completely in a mess-me, while she waltzed across my blank face. That, my friends, is the kind of woman who needed a wet, cranberry-flavoured slap. I should have given her some of that for asking the world's dumbest question, which was apparently targeted at me. Or I could have at least replied "yeah, dumb, you a bit asking the obvious hor?". But I didn't. I regretted later.

Anyway, RWS was a great experience. I felt like a rich-f**k strolling down the hotel rooms, spinning the card key in my hand and entering the hotel room. I also feel like a rich-f**k walking around Sentosa like a tourist. For once I'm not going there like those (low-class - HAHA kidding) SPGs to play beach volleyball and I'm carrying my weekend bag filled with clothes, about to check into a hotel. I felt like quite a douche-(gold)bag acting all tourist-y around Sentosa but still it felt pretty great. Especially when it's all... FREE, FREE, FREE! Right?

USS was good as well. (Hi, I can't take it - I've a secret to tell you) I regretted not trying any of the food there though. But then the entire experience felt like we had the VIP express ticket cause there was almost no need to wait for any of the rides cause it rained in the morning, drizzled the entire day, and HELLO it was a off-peak Tuesday. I mean, the longest we waited was past two trips of the roller coaster Cylon (the blue one of Battlestar Galactica) cause we insisted on the first row seats. And uhm, honestly? The rides weren't much kick. Other than the first drop from both the roller coasters, there's nothing much else to anticipate. Cylon has a nice view though, with all the 360 and all. I super love the Woody Woodpecker mascot. I mean, I love how the woodpecker looks like lah, so bloody insanely cute I want to die. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking.

Yeah, and on Wednesday morning I went to talk to this really nice full-time staff at SAMH (for Singapore Association for Mental Health) at Pelangi Village, and she showed me around the activities hub. There's something quite depressing about the place, like in most old-folks homes, many corners without sunlight and such. Nobody's really having a good time though some are talking to each other. I'm still not too clear about their mental situation, but the volunteer Sadijah (OMG first person I know to have the same birth-date as me) told me that only the more... active / 'high-functioning' patients (they call them clients) are allowed in the activities hub, which is really the main building in the complex. There are 7 other bungalows (according to my memory) and in there live the patients who are less able to interact. So honestly, I haven't seen much too deeply into the situation, and I'm really looking forward to understanding them. I'll update you with more when I get to take part in other things. But then I'm always really guarded around there cause I'm not too sure of how to behave and I'm always afraid I'll hit some landmine or talk about stuff which is taboo.

Uni Apps / Fuck We're Chinese.

2011-03-17T21:25:00.005+08:00

I haven't blogged for bloody long because I haven't had time for myself in forever. The past 2 weeks were just brain-wrecking, talking to people - deciding between NTU / NUS / SMU Business. Don't need to try to convince me on other courses, I have enough to think about already. I'm settled on Business. So far I've (almost) completed my NTU and NUS application. I should be finishing up on them tonight and SMU will be Saturday.

The only scholarship I've signed up for right now is NTU's Nanyang Scholarship, and I will be honest, I completed the 300 word essay on the bus. I faced a moment of indecisiveness before I clicked on the "confirm" button because I was torn between spending time writing something which sells myself or going with my heart. I decided to well... take the easy way out. Or to phrase it in a more noble way: I went with my heart. Here's my 300 words. I haven't considered the possible consequences of posting my scholarship essay up on my public blog, but I shall not think about that.

A week ago I heard that one of my volleyball teammates was about to embark on a solo cycling expedition around South-East Asia in April to help communities in need and experience life without material sustenance. He sold pastries, which he learnt to bake during a part-time stint as an assistant to a bakery chef at a country club, and is planning to use this money, along with his salary to fund the trip. I've always had in my 'bucket-list' such trips to unfamiliar environments alone - a personal exploration of life, also with the goal of touching the lives of strangers, to make an influence on them and mature myself with the experience.

What my friend really inspired me with was the fact that we are never too young to embark on anything. I left such plans to till I am well above twenty-five years old, but yet my friend was already well into his at a tender nineteen. In contrast to him, the rest of us are working jobs which seem so unfulfilling and so meaningless, only to earn more money.

It was like a wake-up call to me; it taught me to cherish opportunities, to work hard towards my goals and help others. I want to make a positive influence, much beyond the one-day service learning projects.

Since then, I have informed my superior that I would resign from my job as a waiter after this week. I have also contacted charity organizations such as the Singapore Association for Mental Health to inquire about volunteering opportunities. I want to do more meaningful activities before I enlist into National Service in May, and I want to leave my footprints (not carbon ones) and give back to society.

Entirely truthful. Except that it was two days ago that I heard it. And I am only going to tell my boss that I'm quitting tomorrow, on my last day of work. So I kinda shifted the time-line backwards. Nothing much what. Right? - Sorts out moral struggle - And I do realise that the essay is a weeny bit informal, but heck it, if they don't accept me for who I am then I don't deserve the scholarship right? Oh and anyway, the in-charge from the Association for Mental Health has already gotten back to me, and I will be meeting her coming Tuesday to discuss about how I can help and for her to brief me on an upcoming event. I have mixed feelings about it though. I'm bloody goddamned enthusiastic about helping out and understanding more about such patients, but then again I'm scared volunteering would be a very on-the-surface kind of thing. Like helping out at event booths or... you get the idea. Oh and yeah, to help you understand more about my friend, click here to view his note, written by one of the teachers in VJC. My GP teacher, in fact. After Ivan told me about it at work and I checked the original note posted on the VJC Facebook page, I was crippled with "woah". I thought about it the entire bus journey home, and so when I saw the NTU scholarship question, I couldn't think of anything else. It preoccupied my mind like the fattest Snorlax you've ever encountered, and I had to write about it to awaken the Snorlax and shoo it off my path, putting it figuratively.

Later, when I went home to check up on it again, I realised it was only a one-week trip. Which makes it less cool cause now it's less "Into The Wild". I was expecting at least two weeks. But then, still damn awesomegobblesmacking cool. I met up with Chi Shun and hey turns out its 40 days, not a week. So now that reverts it back to its goddamned awesome coolness state. I donated $30 to him yesterday, but hey anyway if any of you are inspired, and want to donate, I could contact him for you. But I know none of you are probably going to reply to this cause pfft we're all stingy people aren't we?

And yeah, in the midst of Japan's huge crisis, I want to show you an exceptionally heartwarming note here, where Jun Shiomitsu translated Japanese tweets and listed them down under. I hardly ever imagined that simple words like these could actually touch me so deeply. I've extracted a few on your behalf, cause we're all lazy people.

On the platform
The Oedo Subway Line for Hikarigaoka is very congested. On the platform and at the gate there are just crowds and crowds of people waiting for the train. But in all the confusion, every last person is neatly lined up waiting his or her turn while managing to keep a passage of space open for staff and people going the other way. Everyone is listening to the instructions from the staff and everyone acts accordingly. And amazingly … there isn’t even a rope or anything in sight to keep people in queue or open space for staff to pass, they just do! I am so impressed at this almost unnatural orderliness! I have nothing but praise for these people!

At the supermarket
I just came back safely from the supermarket! Man, I was so touched at how everyone there was mindful of others, buying only as much as they needed and leaving the rest for the people behind them.

The bakery lady
There was a small bread shop on the street I take to go to school. It has long been out of business. But last night, I saw the old lady of the shop giving people her handmade bread for free. It was a heart-warming sight. She, like everyone else, was doing what she could to help people in a time of need. Tokyo isn’t that bad afterall!

A little story about Papa
We live in an area that was not directly hit. When my father came downstairs and heard the news saying that our area had begun allocating electricity to the hard-hit areas, he quietly led by example, turning off the power around the house and pulling the plugs out of their sockets. I was touched. He usually NEVER turns off the lights or the AC or the TV or anything!

Card board boxes, Thank you!
It was cold and I was getting very weary waiting forever for the train to come. Some homeless people saw me, gave me some of their own cardboard boxes and saying “you’ll be warmer if you sit on these!” I have always walked by homeless people pretending I didn’t see them, and yet here they were offering me warmth. Such warm people.

And then you compare this to the recent reports of Chinese wankers in China / Hong Kong / Taiwan who are grabbing up all the salt / beef / whatever else Japanese imports in fear of radiation contamination? It sucks to be associated with them.

Broke like a cow.

2011-03-11T02:35:00.001+08:00

So far this week, I've already spent $164.40. I've spent $9.90 getting a singlet from Uniqlo (just cause I felt rich) and then $25 on EZ-link top-up. Other than that, the remaining $100+++ was spent on food, drinks, dessert and booze. Around $70 was spent with Angell and Yuting cause... (well, I got a couple of As) and mainly because they were nice enough to come down to Outdoors and visit me. See, I'm nice too. It's only yesterday that I started feeling broke. Which fuels my working at Outdoors I guess. I feel so tired everyday (ask my mum - she has to wake me up on 5 separate occasions before I'll get up at 9.15am to rush to work by 10am). Which explains why I'm late for work everyday. And then this Saturday, I'll have to treat my extended family to dinner. Cause I got straight As for A-level. See! Everything has its ups and downs! Going to some tze-char (however you spell it) place at Yishun. And they are 13 people in total. I hope my uncle's maid gets a tummy-ache. Or it will turn out to be 14. Yeah, so that's probably like $200 (let's hope there isn't any +++ to that). And then, by the end of the week, I would have spent $350 on food / drinks / booze. That's a full week of my hard-earned money. Cry myself a river. So yeah I've decided. I will scrimp and save on food for the next weeks. I'll buy the $2.30 chicken rice everyday. Not possible. I'll try to get it at least twice a week for lunch. Maybe. Yeah I'll try.

Oh uh-huh. I'm more than 30 pages into Ha Ha Ha. I only read them on the train to work, hence the pathetic page-count. But anyway, I've figured. I found out what I like to read about in books. I like to read about old age and adolescence. Two extreme parts of life, one being a fresh and innocent beginning, with every little experience shaping you in a life-changing way, just as the soft, fresh clay mold would be the easiest to shape when it is just mixed and battered.

The other - old-age, with knowledge and experience seeping out of the tin-can of life, ready for the day the finishing line draws near. I think life at old age would be real interesting. You would be prepared to depart from your loved ones anytime, so in many ways, your actions are carefully thought out, and you'll experience so much more, so much more significantly.

But of course I'm not saying I want to grow old now (since we obviously can't turn back time). I still do want to enjoy every single moment of my prime years. I just feel that those two segments of life are exceptionally meaningful and interesting. And I realised that I'm more into the writing style of a book than it's story-line. I marvel at how books like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close as well as Ha Ha Ha manages to capture that child-voice so well throughout the novel.

Thinking 'bout life. Thinking 'bout you.

2011-03-07T09:11:00.000+08:00

So yeah I'm finally picking up pace on my life. Thank Buddha I went for the SMU openhouse. I mean, I stayed for like 5 minutes but then it knocked me into searching for answers. Thinking about life. I wanted to ask the business guy at SMU questions but I didn't know where to start without sounding lazy. "Hey, tell me more about business" or "What's the difference between SMU, NTU and NUS business courses?". So yeah I've been studying. I spent the past hour (plus an hour last night) looking through the university booklets and (for the first time) actually reading content instead of looking at how geeky the A-star scholars look.

Well, I guess I've settled on business cause I'm seriously not prepared to do anything design-related. And then poof, I have no other interests. So yeah, if you've done your research, please talk to me. If you're a senior, even better. Talk to me more.

Oh and in the past week, I've collected 3 cheques which means moolah, MOOLAH AND MORE MOOLAH! It sums up to be about $2000. There's my tuition centre's which is $900++, then there's the cheque from Outdoors (for 1.25 months) also about $900++, and then that day I went back to school to collect my good progress package which is $250. I think I'm almost earning as much as my mum in her Isetan cashier job. Good for me. Sandra don't read this and ask me for a treat. I've given you plenty already. HAHA.

Oh yeah, and today, 7th March, a Monday, shall be the start of my book-reading journey. I went to the Central National Library yesterday after ending work at 7pm, and I borrowed books for the first time in my life. I'm all for first-experiences so I felt good even though I embarrassed myself. The librarian was friendly though. I stepped into NLB and honestly confessed it's my first time borrowing books. She guided me along, created a membership card for me with my NRIC and then I proceeded to getting the books. I went to the wrong machine, stood there for a solid minute thinking about what I was supposed to do, turned back and she didn't laugh at me but gestured to the long row of machines on my far right. So I fiddled with the wrong machine. No biggie. And I felt good after borrowing the books. I felt like I stole. Cause it feels so surreal to be taking books back home for free. Anyhow, the books I borrowed are Paddy Clarke's Ha Ha Ha, Divorcing Jack by Colin Bateman and Half Life by Roopa Farooki. So you know what type of books interest me. I'll tell you which is good and which isn't after I read them.

Blimey.

2011-03-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I don't need to tell you that today's the A' levels result. Blimey boozelwaggy bolongy I got 5As. I know - I can't believe it myself. And I know I hardly deserve it. It's always that stroke of good luck huh, O' levels HCL and now A' levels. To everyone who collected results today as well, just know that I'm concerned about your results even though I don't ask. I just... don't want to bring up things, just in case they aren't satisfactory. And like I've said to many, honestly, getting different results (good or bad) would just land you on different paths in life, and behind that dense forest, you really don't know which ends up a dead end and which leads to a waterfall. I mean, even along the way, it's the little tiny steps that you take to ensure you don't trip over the tiny rocks and fall yourself head-down on the mud.

And yeah, the day wasn't great - hugs, teary-eyed smiles but amongst them disappointment, loneliness and much more tears. I think about it and I feel almost-guilty for my results. I'm not saying this as a consolation or anything else, but I actually feel bad. I have not a single inkling how I managed an A for Econs and GP. But you don't question the good things, so I'll just leave it hanging. But anyway, if I was my friend (or classmate), I'll congratulate but then a part of me will inevitably go "damn, he got lucky huh". I mean, I'm decently sure a couple of you feel like that at least. And I don't deny it. I'm sorry, but I'm undeserving of my results, but sometimes life just plays with us like that. In any case, it's not like the As change anything cause I'll still probably be going into the same business course as so many others of you out there. And then, by then, it'll be a fresh start.

And to the juniors, in a way I hope I could serve as a tiny-ass inspiration. A miniature success story. If you'd ask me for any small golden-remarks, I'd say study smart (which is of course easier said than done) and that... well, this isn't encouraging but I'd say at least enjoy your time. Go out and investigate studying in different scenarios with different people, and make sure you enjoy studying. Like, you'd (almost) look forward to studying. I think that's really the key cause it clears your brain, keeps you motivated and all. And uhm, take some time to play, cherish JC life. Maybe. I mean I would, but maybe not you.

And shucks one thing - now the results instead brought me so much confusion. I feel like I'd have to start to think about scholarships now, about overseas education (having to take the SATs will be such a pain in the ass) and other shit that I've never considered in my entire life. So honestly, AABB has its good parts as well. I'd just happily take some time to decide on which business school I'm more interested in, and enroll.

I don't believe in many things, but in you - I do.

2011-03-03T23:44:00.001+08:00

How ya doin', world? So I guess for most of us it's results day tomorrow. In season 2, the Skins characters got their results slips, kept it closed and met up that night, in the jungle, over a campfire, and opened their letters together. Cool idea huh. But I'm never going to do that with my friends. Cause firstly, stepping up to my form teacher and asking him to keep the result slip back into the envelope will receive the first wave of weird stares. Secondly, nobody's in this with me. I mean, I didn't even have to ask. I can figure others' reactions by myself.

Gonna meet up with the Phoenix NSFs for the first time tomorrow, there'll be so much to talk about. I have this feeling from now on, NS would fill up 70% of all conversations. Which would suck. 2 years ago I was just saying how NS would = no life cause NS life would end up taking over all forms of conversations involving guys. Especially when its' fully a group of guys, and there aren't any girls in the conversation to break it up by saying "Hey, could we change a topic? I'm real bored here."

Anyway, I kind of can't wait for the results. I started getting the anxiety today from thinking about results cause I thought: fuck, 6 years of studying for this day. Woohoo, in a sense I love the adrenaline. I was thinking about it on the way walking home today, and I pictured myself opening up the result slip, seeing AAAA and I can't help but beam at nothingness. Of course, positive thoughts uh! I'd be fucking happy with AAAB actually. I'd be double fucking happy with AAAA. Which is quite honestly an impossibility judging at my performance during the economics paper. I'm just really hoping I don't fuck up. So, I've decided I'll pray to Guan Yin Ma for a minute later before I go to bed. I believe that if Guan Yin Ma wants to bless me, even if the result slip's already packed up at MOE HQ, she could still switch the econ's C for an A with a finger point.

A lot of people believe that my loyalty / belief for Guan Yin Ma only comes when I'm praying for good results / good luck / money. But honestly? No. I believe in Guan Yin Ma, and honestly, I've seen a couple of mini-miracles in my life after I prayed - enough to believe in Buddhism / Taoism. I'm completely rooted, religiously. I may waver between Buddhism / Taoism, but no where else. This time when I was young, my mum had a really bad gastric problem, she was rolling around in bed and there was nothing I could do to help. But then I stood outside her door, pray for her pain to come to me instead, and surely, an hour later I felt the exact same pain while she was suddenly relieved of it. The pain died after a couple more hours, and my mum felt guilty cause she thinks that someway or another, she passed it to me - like flu - but then I know gastric doesn't work that way. I feel weird sharing this story already, cause if I was a mean stranger I'll comment that it sounds fabricated (but it's 100% true) so if you're a geeky medicine student-to-be, and know that there's some way of spreading stomach aches, please don't burst my religious faith-bubble by telling me the truth okay.

Miniature

2011-02-23T16:08:00.000+08:00

Hey friends, to whoever's going to be shopping around at indie streets, I'm looking for a toy / model. I want it preferably palm-sized (note: not hand-sized), preferably rattan or some more-durable clothy material, and it must be able to stand up. Not a soft-toy which lazily sags down every time you put it down on the ground. Okay so that's a few unreasonable requests put together, and let me explain: before I start out on my honing-photography-skills expedition, I want a mini toy like that. I mean, something I could use at a subject of my photographs in RICH, LUSTROUS NATURE. Something which in a thin, far-fetched way symbolizes a part of me. Or maybe just something cute and random. I really would prefer it in a bit of a more clothy-but-durable material. I'd like it to see it get from white to dirty yellow. I'd like it to be able to age. Not like a shiny plastic durable donkey.

Yeah? So get me something indie okay! Take it as my birthday present... last year! I'd still really be expecting something this year. Thanks. Kidding.

I must be working way too hard.

2011-02-21T22:26:00.001+08:00

So, being "casual labour" at Outdoors doesn't seem so casual cause my boss is desperate of people and he's always begging me to work on more days. I just sent my boss an SMS that I'm unable to work this Sat and Sun, and then it's becoming so difficult to arrange my schedule I feel like quitting altogether. I'm working 6 days a week, twice on 2 days, and I'm definitely shagged. Went to Sentosa to play volleyball on Sunday, despite me ending work at 4am on Saturday and sleeping at 5am. Stupidest idea of the week. Last week's stupidest idea was climbing on top of the bronze bull in front of some building after CityAlive. I don't recall what building it was, I think it might have been a bank's. But anyway, if that charging bull was for fengshui, I think I might have caused a a few stock points to drop, climbing all over the bull and all. But yeah, stupid because I forgot that no one has probably climbed up the bull in years, so the dust collected over the past few years stained my jeans, my shirt, my arms, my palms and even my face. P.S. the bull's actually quite high up, say at least 2 metres. It was actually scary to even raise my hands up on the bull. But I did it for kicks anyway. Yeah, look at the photo: black arms, black palms. Stupid. Stupid.

So I over-stretched my body's physical abilities and I fell sick after 2 hours playing. Oh, fucking horrid feeling I tell you. Everything's boggling my mind now, I fell over-committed, I can't live life normally, and even though I'm only carrying a mild fever now, I've spent the entire day on bed - looking up at my long list of to-dos that I could manage on a free day like this, but not gathering enough motivation to do anything. I have bad appetite and occasionally I feel like puking.

Fragility of life much, huh?

2011-02-17T00:52:00.007+08:00

Just awesome huh, I think a lot of my "feeling touched" was a result of the nature + music. Music really changes the mood I guess. But woah the entire Amazon's so much magic, like the kind of exploration-magic you get watching Avatar for the first time. It makes you wonder - do they know about us? Civilization? So fucking interesting. You could go on and watch the other related videos if you're interested.

I hope my life begins to pick up pace soon. These couple of days, other than working and meeting up with friends (hardly ever), I feel like I lost the meaning in what I'm pursuing in life. What am I pursuing actually? I've this list of long-term and short-term to-do list - which Yuting and Sandra had a good tear-jerking laugh from, just cause I wrote it in an embarrassing way... just cause I wrote in without the intention of it being read by others, which I'd say is a pretty difficult thing to do actually. We're all so afraid of being judged, so image-conscious, how many of us can write a diary without still having to censor some thoughts, afraid of others getting their hands on them? How many people are 100% themselves when they are in public? I guess people change, so it's not that they are not themselves, but they've grown and matured and such, but still, what is the real you?

Oh, fuck the philosophical ramblings, but anyway I was going to say: I'm not finding motivation in my life. Maybe instead, I gotta down-pace my life. I need to enjoy the moment. I need to have more me-time. I think? Honestly, I'm just feeling unaccomplished, but it's the kind of time when you can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong with your life. What is it? A loss of goal in life since the A'levels? Oh, that's pathetic. Recently it's just been work-computer-sleep-work and it bores me to death.

I hope the crew at Outdoors / Alleybar gets better soon, or maybe I'll just hope the two Indians aren't working on the days I'm working. I'm not being racist, I swear. It's just that we don't clique, alright? They speak tamil in front of me and I can swear to God they've talked bad about me at least one. Cause my attitude to them isn't so good anyway. Yeah, not racist, so stop giving me those judging eyes! Maybe my manager (desperate for workers) got someone to compel me (lol, vampire diaries), but recently I've been feeling like I'll be missing out if I quit on that job. Then again, you can't expect me to do admin work forever, I'll end up having a huge urge to look for another job. And no, I can't pangseh my tuition teacher like that.

My threadless design is out!

2011-02-15T21:35:00.004+08:00

Here's what you can do:
Click on the link above, login to Threadless with your Facebook account, and then go rate it a 5, and then select the option "i'll buy it as a tee". And yeah, all you bots on the tagboard can try doing that as well.

Honestly, I can't thank you enough!

So Hello, World.

2011-02-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

So I realised I haven't been posting for a goddamned long time. I think I'll attribute that to my lack of life the past week, other than hanging out during CNY with friends / family, I think the only other time I've been out was CityAlive. Which was a bad party anyway, don't try going there next year.

So minor updates: I've been working admin at my tuition teacher's for the past week, so date me out for dinner manz I'm finally free. And uhm, I'm working weekends at the bar. K I know it sounds crazy like I'm a total workaholic but no I'm still having 1 day off a week and I have time to spare. Fine, not the most convincing argument, but I'm only hangin' on to the bar job cause I'm scared I'll be bored to death doing admin everyday, and cause of the nice customers. Bad thing's that the bar's getting filled up with the new Indian staffs [not in a racist way, damnit] and all my colleagues (whom I talk to) and dropping out one by one. So yeah I'll be quitting anytime soon though.

Chinese New Year.

2011-02-04T04:18:00.004+08:00

My CNY day1's pretty bland because of all the family politics on my grandfather's side - which was a lot of his siblings cheating his money, and then trying to sue my mum and my uncles after he passed away, so they could snatch up more shares of my grandfather's company. I mean, it's not even such a big company. But well, money always make things like this. So yeah, grandma's house had people you could count with your fingers and toes, which was heartwarming but at the same time it lacked a certain atmosphere which is tied in to CNY - a crowded house, relatives you don't know how to address, and lots of noisy chattering, which is really both good and bad. Crazy thing - my stomach's never been less than 70% full the entire day. We had snacks before having lunch, then it was a full steamboat lunch, then snacks after that, then dinner, then snacks after that. I swear I never stopped eating for more than 10 minutes.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing awake right now at 4:16AM, but I think I'm too used to my sleep cycle at 4 or 5AM, waking up at 1 or 2PM and continuing life like that. I'm quitting my job soon though. It sucks cause everytime you think you've had enough of something, you bring in the idea of quitting it altogether and then you feel like you miss bits and pieces of it and you wanna get back. So I haven't yet told my supervisor / manager that I'm quitting, but I think I'm going to continue working a few Fridays / Saturdays till this day where they piss me off. I dunno if it's going to be the same without Suwen / Xiao Hui though. I think I will have to sustain on my cool customers.

P.S. I gotta get an English name. Say, Thom, or something. Tell me what name suits my face! Cause it's been the 10th time I've heard an Indonesian friend giving me weird looks when I introduce myself. If you don't know yet, Bolong means 'hole' in Indonesian (Malay) which is un-fucking-glamorous. And on Tuesday two customers asked me for my name. Just for fun. TWO! See, I've made an impression! Anyway, yeah, I gotta get an English name. But on the bright side, in a way then, Bolongy means holy. I guess. Fuck it's 5.52AM

6:34AM: okay I need to go and sleep now.

It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world

2011-01-31T02:35:00.002+08:00

Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.

But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn. He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.

“He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.

As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”

The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”

Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me … hey, you’re more than welcome.

You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says.

Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.

“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”
“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz says he told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’”

Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”
“Yea, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said.

Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.

The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.

When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”

The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20 … I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”

Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”

Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”

“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”

Robbed it from /th as usual.

Better Together.

2011-01-29T05:57:00.000+08:00

Today felt much better. Maybe cause the customers were nicer. And also today there was additionally Suwen and Andrew to close with me. Thanks friends for your concern anyway, I <3 you!

In any case, I've submitted my threadless shirt design for critique two or three days ago, and I totally forgot about it cause I'm so busy everyday. I recreated the animal images from photos at Google Images and I spent bloody long doing them using the Photoshop traditional pen tool and a mouse. This is the reason why I'll need a wacom. Anyway, I just checked it out and I suddenly got a flood of feedback and I am so bloody happy HAHA nice community up there.

P.S. Yes, that's me with the white tiger head.

Cold, Conned and Conquered.

2011-01-28T06:03:00.002+08:00

Okay, work sucks. Not in a "oh, I'm so god-damned tired" way but in a "oh fuck this is fucking screwed up" way. Tomorrow will be a complete week working at Outdoors @ Somerset, and I extremely feel like quitting. I won't talk much about this cause I wrote it all down on my daybook yesternight. My daybook's my sketch-book cum meaningful stuff book, kinda like a diary with random sketching. Anyway, the management at Outdoors' screwed up. There's an Indian boss who is... well, bossy and arrogant, and people don't appreciate you. Go sign up with them if you want to undergo a hell-like endurance training. I've hardly ever heard a "thank you", and they fuck you around for mistakes you didn't make. Teamwork = 0 and communication = 0. I rate their management a blank zero. The only thing / people I'll stay for is Suwen / Xiao Hui or the customers. Really, Outdoors have some really nice customers. Customers are 75% foreigners, 50% westerners, and 30% travelers though. I've had a lot of great chats with friendly ang-mohs (mostly old people, unfortunately) even though the worst customers are ang-mohs as well. Enough about that anyway, I've got it all down in my daybook. And I'm sorry to the friends I asked to join me at Outdoors, now: don't join me. I guess it was a selfish part of me which secretly dreaded the first few days and wanted more company. I can't believe I said on the previous post that "Anyway, job's been fine. Tiring but I hit it off with most people so I'm cool." I look at people like Perle earning only a little more than $5/ hour but are having so much fun at work, and I think to myself: what the fuck? I'm taking so much shit just cause they are paying a bit better? But blah, I'm quitting soon in any case.

Anyway, today was the second consecutive day I felt like dung. Plus today Suwen didn't work, so there's no one to do stupid laughable antics in the middle of work to lighten the mood, but luckily there was Xiao Hui to chat to. I came down from the bus at 3.30am and I was so depressed I thought I had two options - one to go for a jog and forget about things, or two to go get a beer at 7-11 and just sit there and cool it off. I went up for a change of clothes and started jogging cause I'm bloody scared I'll become an alcoholic when I'm older and just 借酒消愁 everytime.

I ran despite the already-tired legs, down the stretch towards Serangoon Gardens, and stopped several times because my old lungs really couldn't take the sudden stretch and exhaustion. I ran till my legs felt numb, and till I had this ache near the appendix. I stopped, grasped at my waist and for the record a part of me actually wanted the pain. That's why some people do self-mutilation I guess. Your body focuses on the pain and forget the rest. I ran till I was well into the rows and rows of bungalows at Serangoon Gardens, I stopped to regain my breath and suddenly the surroundings became scary. It was cold, windy, a little misty from the rain at night, and the darkness seemed to surround the bungalows - then there was lightning at a distance as well. Lightning without thunder. I turned back for safer terrain, and on the way I was momentarily freaked out cause I saw an old man with one of those carts the road cleaners have, in the middle of the road, coming towards me. A couple of seconds later my vision cleared up and I found out it was just an approaching old man, the rubbish cart was left at the road-side, and I cooled off a bit.

I had the usual - 3 pratas and teh-tarik at the usual Indian food stall after the jog. I felt fortunate for its 24-hours operation. I looked at the 4 of them working then and I saw teamwork in that: smiles here and there and a pat on the back. No wonder the faces stay. The jog took away 80% of my troubles, but after the pratas I still went to the park beside my house, climbed up the highest structure at the playground, and just sat there staring into the sky, the moon and the stars while the cool wind blew. I question myself about how the crescent moon is formed and I realised I've forgotten my science. I see the unusual cloud patterns, some pieces moving so fast while some stays around the moon, and realised how big the sky is, that it's funny how people all over the world are sharing the same sky, looking into the same spot on the same moon. I looked into the stars and more pop up beside them, but I can't decide if it's my imagination or if they are really there.

Anyhow, my night is saved by the prata, the jog and the dolce far niente. I think I'm understanding why the characters in Skins always use running - with all their strength and might, in a single direction - to relieve their troubles and emotional struggles. I'm usually moody today huh.

I'm so tired I've been sleeping 5AM for 2 nights (second one, this) and my eyes perpetually need to close. I'm working @ Outdoors opposite 313, so visit me if you want to but booze's not cheap (cept for happy hour beer) and I can't get you discount so forget it if you're cheapskate. Anyway, job's been fine. Tiring but I hit it off with most people so I'm cool.

2011-01-23T05:09:00.001+08:00

Tribute to my previous job and oh-so-awesome lunch breaks.

Watch, Listen, Tell,

2011-01-20T01:21:00.004+08:00

Just cause I wanted to share another from watchlistentell. I hope the high-pitched sudden upbeat doesn't make you jump. Struck me the first time I heard it.

Caught The Tourist with volleyball guys today, was great meeting them - the last time I've had a chat with the whole team present was... almost a year ago, during the last training I went to. Haha, so yeah great!

You must have heard from others - it wasn't awesome pawsome. I mean well the ending is a twist, but hey twists have good / bad ones. This lies somewhere in between. I don't remember names, so I have a recognition of the director's name, but judging by its star cast I guess he should have some pretty good reputation. For that, comparatively, the ending felt like they spent a big budget on the filming, met up with some screw-up towards the end, and changed the film's ending to quickly wrap things up. The whole thing's too coincidental to be a completely planned plot huh? [Sorry spoiler, BUT I bet in your swift scan what I said didn't really cast in your head, so quickly fly ahead before your eyes drift back to figure]

It's still worth my money (after all just an hour of my pay) for Venice and for Angelina Jolie's posh-glamorous-never-getting-old look. I mean, I think she'll still look great with wrinkles. She (looks like she) has great skin by the way. I was staring. And I never liked Angelina Jolie cause (ironically) I hated her thick "luscious" lips, but today they looked great. Yeah and I think I've studied Johnny Depp's features enough to distinguish that it's him in his next (weird) movie character disguise.

Tomorrow (actually, today) is going to be the last day of my work at Screws&Screws. (Made up name, if you can't tell) I didn't realise till Yuting reminded me at lunch today. We had lunch together cause turns out she's working at Harbourfront too. Turns out Jeffrey's working at Harbourfront too. I think everyone's there. Anyway, yeah. I went back to work and for once I worked extremely diligently at work cause... I dunno, it was my second-last day and they've been real nice to me. I think I'll miss it. A little bit. I'll miss lunch-breaks at Harbourfront more though... fuck, I'm so heartless. Someday when I'm extremely free I'll take the train / bus there and morning / afternoon jog the entire stretch, from Reflections @ Bukit Chandu to the end of Henderson Waves, thank you.

Sidenote: I found out today in the shower that when the shower head's running on your cheeks, it doesn't really hurt to slap yourself. OKAY FUCK JUST RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY, DON'T COME ASKING ME WHY I'M TRYING TO HURT MYSELF IN THE SHOWER - I DON'T KNOW, IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL!

I've added a few songs into the music player above - if anyone actually still listens to it - to introduce you to Newton Faulkner.

I cleaned installed Snow Leopard and while I was adding albums back into iPhoto just now, I got nostalgic. I want to thank all the friends I've met in these few years of my life for the infinite amount of happiness we shared together.

2011-01-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

Still Working.

2011-01-13T20:56:00.005+08:00

I fell sick yesterday, and I've been working the entire week (sans weekends). It may be the drizzle that I brisked through on Tuesday's lunch break, or maybe my body just fell sick cause I couldn't take the routine anymore. I say that my job's easy (and slack) - and true that, it sure is easy. But I hardly ever mention to anyone else that it's boring. Partly because I think if I start telling others that, I'm going to soon believe it myself, which will make me hate my job, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do.

Anyway, I've uncovered the maximum of Alexandra Road area I can, within 1 hour of my lunchbreak. Whether it's West from HortPark - into Kent Ridge & the tiny museum - or East from Hort Park to Alexandra Arch, towards the Southern Ridges. I'm at the limits of exploration and I stopped having that little increase in heartbeat or the smile which uncontrollably breaks at the ends of my lips whenever I discover new scenery. I've been so much enthralled by the nature of Harbourfront, I now feel numb to any new discoveries. The furthest I can go is from my workplace, after a 10 minute lunch, to the top of Telok Blangah hill. Which is still approximately 1km to the Southern Ridges. And then you gotta take into consideration that the past 2 lunch breaks dragged on an additional 15 minutes. Still, pictures below.

In light of my doing-nothingness in this extremely long holiday, the longest one I've had in my knowing life, I figured I'd better learn something useful. 6 months ago I created a list titled "Oh, that sweet, sweet success" and under that, a list of big things I want to do after the big A's. Outcome of success is still more than a month away, but anyway. Oh I digress: I realised I actually had fun during the studying-for-As period, I mean I don't dread it. Instead, I don't mind going back to it again. Kudos to the environment, the company and my attitude. You should try to adopt my attitude - very positive-learning, very stress-free.

Yeah but during this holiday, I am supposed to find out about architecture / business / economics courses in University (future first), pick up Adobe Flash & Illustrator, create a book-list to borrow & read - think: NS days, sign up for last.fm & seek new artists, pick up guitar online (fuck those Yamaha courses, 2 years and I'm a grade-2 good-for-nothing), work on SPRING scholarship stuff (fucked already), start sketching and catch up with old friends.

I'm selecting sketching - I started on the first page of my sketchbook in KL, 30th December '10 (first attempt at sketching and it was utterly embarrassing) and I'm still working on it. Nothing much to sketch around home, but I'll practice when I have the time cause if I don't start on any random crap I'm not going to improve. Yeah with that, I'm also going to check up on a Wacom soon to aid my designing hobby. I used to recoil from designing cause I find myself too amateur to do anything which will be able to satiate my perfectionist-nature but Ivan's kinda inspired me with his determination. I'll possibly leave guitar to when I'm exceptionally free (and have no dramas / movie urges). The rest still kinda holds, just not on priority. Oh last.fm signup is totally swept aside till I get a new iPod Touch (at least 32GB please). Brushing up on designing skills would be my first. Oh wait, anybody knows of any poly designing part-time courses I can enroll in? Oh wait, and one last important thing: I want to learn about coffee beans. I heard Alisa's a barista at Starbucks now? If you're reading this please tell me more the next time I see you :)

I've a Threadless submission at 80% completion. It's kinda almost done already but I'm too embarrassed to show it. I spent the past 3 nights on it but it didn't turn out like I'd like it to. So fuck that.

Lunchbreak Adventures 3/4 - Nothing Much

2011-01-06T23:23:00.031+08:00

I've worked the past 2 days and life's been hellavu busy period. Anyway, companies are rushing to cap things before the Chinese New Year (cause most Asian merchants are Chinese, I guess) so there will be a hell lot of shipments in the following weeks. So on Wednesday my boss told me I'll be needed every weekday till the 21st. Hallelujah, I was just complaining that I was working too little and now I get this. I sat there thinking about how boring it's going to be - reporting to work everyday, 9am to 6pm. I really can't handle office work / routines in life. I don't want to think about how I'm going to manage working for others after I graduate. But hey, all the more it fuels my dreams to become an entrepreneur. Oh but what I like about this job - it's flexible and the colleagues are nice. I get to take days off on any day I feel like it. Jealous much?

Anyway yeah, so lunchbreak on the 5th was an absolute nightmare. It was an extremely hot day (think: sweaty, sticky - you would kill for a gust of air-conditioning) and worse: I got bitten by mosquitoes. Mosquito bite count at the end of the lunchbreak was a total of 8 on my limbs. After I came home, I realised there are another 3 near my sole, which I had no idea how it happened cause I was wearing socks and shoes. Desperate mosquitoes must have sucked my blood through my socks and shoes, or something. I walked uphill towards really quite nothingness, and then found out that I remembered wrongly and that the Southern Ridges were at the opposite end.

Initially I told myself I wouldn't be exploring today and so I brought a book to work, even though I subconsciously picked a pair of jeans to prevent mosquito bites on my legs, what really made me do it was the perfect weather. Not in the sunny-perfect way, but at 1pm the sky was slightly cloudy and rain was imminent, air was cool and it was breezy everywhere. I risked it and explored into the other side of the HortPark, fully aware that there wouldn't be any shelter if the rain started, but also hoping that Buddha would bless me and hold the rain for a while. In the end, the rain really only started to get heavier at 2pm (the end of my lunchbreak) when I decided to head back towards the office. Such things, though naive, they really make me believe in the higher beings.

So through the walk, I almost got lost, I didn't find any Southern Ridges (not even a sign of it, I think I'm going to give up on that) but yet I explored into this amazing private estate area. The houses retained the old 1900s architecture, like as if a vampire royal family lives inside, and they are all so bloody big (area-wise) I swear every single one of them is bigger than the Reflections at Bukit Chandu museum. I keep thinking about how rich they must be with such huge land in the middle of such nature, I got carried away and one time I was staring into a house, a maid from inside spotted me and went: "HOI". Probably thought I was trying to steal something.

Anyway, I couldn't get any entire property in one-shot, but this particular house above, what's seen on the photo was only a block-A and in the entire plot of land, the owner has at least 3 blocks. With a swimming pool and a garden / yard - a proper one at that. Mothereffing huge really. And get even more jealous - (nature-lovers only) they are living beside effing forests! Look at all the wilderness around them!

At the end of my walk, heading back, I realised there's something amiss with the whole estate of private property. I noticed that many of the houses have their front gates wide open. Which really makes me wonder: is it that their houses are so fully fortified with guard dogs / guard maids, or is it that the place's so far away from the poor that no one who goes to that area bothers to steal? Seriously, they say that more than 60% of Singaporeans are living below the mean family income (I didn't bother to check the stats) but I bet the mean's pushed up by these families. So. Bloody. Rich.

A hundred dollars.

2011-01-04T23:55:00.000+08:00

After 7 days of KL, which everyone said was crazy and told me would be boring, which turned out so fast-passing and enjoyable, I'm back to Singapore. Hanged around at ECP with Hs today, no more waiteresses speaking in Malay, no more dividing prices by 2, no more finding our way around. Rode bikes from ECP to DHS and KLP then back, which half fulfilled my wish of riding a bike but it was in the afternoon, so no night rides, so the other half's left hanging. DHS Wushu stayover in a couple of days, we've settled on midnight cycling (I hope) so that's going to fulfill the other half. Haven't seen them for long man, I feel so glad for outings like these, meeting up with people I haven't seen in years / many months.

KL was great. I mean, it's the first time I went overseas with friends (sans Malaysia level camps) so that's a strike off the bucket list and deserves a mention on my blog even though I feel tired blogging about it. I won't forget the 4am nights with bridge, the Gavin incident, the shopping till dropping, the good food, the entire apartment, the scary countdown crowd, all those train rides, the first fish spa experience, swimming, cleaning up, more food, and to end off the trip, Sakae buffet at Harbour Front.

Anyway.

After ECP today, Sandra fetched off Angell towards the East, and I refused a ride from Yuting's bf conveniently, not only cause it was awkward but I wanted to have some time alone. So I walked from ECP back to VJ and it feels so great, refreshing all the memories and reflecting. Thinking about it, the last time I sat down quietly with Zee Avi (now replaced by Inch Chua) to think about life was forever. Almost half a year, I think - ever since I stopped morning jogging. Interjection: I think Inch Chua has real similar voice characteristics as Hebe. Maybe that's the reason why I like both of them so much. Interjection: Hebe's concert is in 11 days!

Walking beside the shore, up the overhead bridge, towards VJC - the familiar route back to school, at the end of every PT running session or casual jogs with Alvina and Perle. There's so much to miss about the 2 years in VJ, despite it getting a bit annoying nearing the A' levels, being able to wind back time to spend a day in school would be a hundred dollars. I miss every tiny part of school. Almost, every. There's some small closet mugger nuisance about VJ, which is probably present in every other school, just more or less evident. The night walk back reminds me of the days volleyball training ended late at night, having Thaipan together after bathing, or that time the Wushu A Boys explored east side and climbed VJ rooftop. Walking past the scrabble board - those many times we studied till late at night in school, surrounded by a mix of our close friends and schoolmates we half-know, each focusing on the work in front of us, but yet strangely connected in the way that we're all part of a jigsaw, with the same goal to work towards the completion of this journey - the A' levels.

I miss school life, making new friends on randomest occasions, with the occassional 'hi's around school, as well as the busy but yet fulfilling lifestyle. There are just so many things to miss huh? A visit to those days would be worth much more than a hundred dollars.

Till next time,

Wedding dinners

2010-12-27T01:00:00.024+08:00

Close(r) cousin's wedding dinner tonight. I think I've already attended more than 30 wedding dinners in my life. I think in 2010 I've had 4. Thankfully the people getting married around this time are those whom I know and actually talk to. Tell me about it man, I think in about 50% of weddings that I've attended, I don't know both the bride and groom. I like wedding dinners in the sense that it's not just a social gathering (not so social for me cause the only people I wanna talk to are merely 2 tables in the entire hall) but it makes you appreciate your friends, your family and everyone else who matters to you. One huge turnoff about wedding dinners - having to address the different seniors in different terms I don't even know. I usually mimic after my brother (due to my lack of recognization skills and memory for names) and when I miss what he address them, it just gets awkward.

But yeah, wedding dinners, they get you thinking about what you're going to say when that one day you'll be standing on the stage and addressing the entire hall of people who've been in your life. The hall itself is already a selection process, the required tables of family and some elders you hardly know, and then in the remaining tables you can afford, your friends - who to pick, who to exclude. Sad, but that's the way life rolls.

Relatives like to question about girlfriends - I'm not yet the age where they pressure you for a girl's name as your wife-to-be, so it's really just a casual topic (phew), but it gets me thinking. How happy you'll be when you find that perfectly right half for yourself, standing on the stage in matrimony, facing the person who's going to bring so much happiness to your life you can't wait another second to be married. And then, slowly, watching your past and present fit into bits of people standing at different tables, watching, clapping, smiling. At times I struggle because I don't know if novels / movies romanticize love too much, such that it has become an almost impossibility, as if a miracle, a match made in heaven, and that people attached now are really just... you know... (to put it crudely) trial-ing or... having low expectations of relationships - which really makes me cynical about relationships. I mean, the media's got me thinking that a perfect half would be one where you can't find flaws in - not in the way that she / he is perfect, but that her / his flaws are to your liking, and there's just nothing you could pick out on that person. Given my standards in such, I think I'll stay single my entire life. Or maybe, on the other side of the deep, vast sea, you lovebirds have the exact same feeling the novels describe, it's perhaps just personal, different, but still perfect, then great for you.

Shit, why am I thinking so much?

Anyway oh yeah, watched Eat Pray Love (2010), and I've a few quotes worth sharing. I mean, they aren't exactly enlightening nor would they provide any sort of revelation, it's just apt in my life, and I think they are worthy of appreciation. Some, are obviously taken out of context, so you wouldn't get to fully understand what it refers to. Firstly: "The sweetness of doing nothing, dolce far niente".

"Did you get my email?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner"
"Why didn't you?"
"Cause if I didn't respond, we were still in a conversation, and I'm still in it."

Additionally, some cool things I'd like to share. I got it from Tzuhsiang's as usual, and come on, can you guys please sign up with me and do this together? Say, on Bras Basah / Illuma's long escalator. I think it's real meaningful: putting a smile on people's faces. Esp when everyone in Singapore's so stressed up with school / work in the bloody rat race. In another perspective, this would totally make my day if I saw this somewhere.

And yes, I was talking about wedding dinners and appreciating the people around you and me. So here's to you, reading this, whether I know you personally or not, whether you are an auto-bot doing massive advertising on my tagboard or not, I want to thank you, my friends, for every moment we've spent together. Let's go out together, okay? I'm extremely grateful for all you friends who've kept my entire December so bloody busy, and I'm saying that with 0% sacarsm. I love this life, and I'm thankful that all of you kept me from the loneliness of my home. Now I feel like an ingrate to my parents cause I realised I've either been out or on the computer for the whole of December that I'm awake. Hardly any family time, so yeah, that's going into one of 2011's resolutions - to help out with chores and spend time with family. Yep, yep.

Dejection, oh rejection.

2010-12-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

I got rejected. By SPRING dude, not by a girl. For a while I was thinking whether I really wanted it or not, and then after that I felt like hey, I really wanted it. It's always like that isn't it? Just like the House Comm run, and yeah, here I am feeling that dejection I got after I didn't get promoted from a nominee to a committee member at HC. I guess it's experience built up that I'm feeling rather okay with it already, though its been only around 3 minutes past. Optimistically speaking, I guess failure's still an important life lesson I took away from this.

I always have this urge to find out why exactly I don't get selected - for HC, for this. But I'll never know the answer huh. I got some hints here and there from teachers and seniors for HC but not gonna get that for SPRING.

Anyhoo, I take solace in the fact that some people who were real good didn't make it through, which is really kinda mean, but the guy who sent out the rejection email forgot to hide the mail recipients with whatever BCC function there's supposed to be, so too bad. Can't help this kind of behaviour huh? Anyhoo, I'm over it already. At times I kinda thank having a blog to splash every trouble on, I mean, it's not even about the readership, it's like just this thing, this site, this place.

P.S. My bro's watching Beyonce's I Am... tour on the opposite screen and I'm totally distracted. The scenes are fucking emotive I so bloody want to go for a live concert now. I hope the Killers come to Singapore real soon.

Lunchbreak Adventures 2 - Canopy Walk

2010-12-21T22:02:00.003+08:00

Today was working at Harbourfront again. After Friday I was extremely thirsty for deeper exploration since the other side of Reflections at Bukit Chandu seemed to lead somewhere else, which I didn't have sufficient time in my one-hour lunch break on Friday to explore. So today I fled for an early lunch to continue my adventure (hehe). The whole Harbourfront site is like a great nature treasure trove, and it just gets better as I explore deeper. Kent Ridge Park was actually behind the museum, and it was love like woah. Walking on the canopy walk, tall trees surround and block out any discomfort from heat, the crickets, in a volume almost deafening, tears you away from civilisation and reminds you of how much you've stepped into nature. Thank you Ministry of Environment for creating / preserving such sites. And then I looked at the signs and saw Hort Park in one direction, and Southern Ridges on another. My heart flutters a bit. I never knew these were so darn close to my workplace.

So I spent the hour trying to locate the Southern Ridges, but I couldn't find it and 50 minutes into the break I ended up at Hort Park's gardening spot - which was lame. Okay, so Southern Ridges mission failed, but I have trust it'll appear on the sequel on Lunchbreak Adventures 3 on the 27th. [Yes, turns out my employer doesn't need me as frequently as I wanted. My job's a once-a-week thing] But anyway, I took a couple of photos with my phone just to show you the awesomeness of it all, so you don't think I'm just being a loony nature lover. And please be reminded that these are taken with a phone, which I personally say only transmits 10% of the beauty in any captured scene. Although, I'd admit I did a real quick Photoshop retouch on the photos.

Other than my adventures, I've something else to talk about. (Real chatty these few days huh?) My opinion is that if you want to appreciate life as a teenager, go take the 8am train. This morning on the way to work, I look at everyone packed into the 8.15am carriage from Serangoon MRT towards Harbourfron, and I felt so dispirited. You see the same, emotionless face stuck onto everybody's head - no smiles, no gestures, no words exchanged. It only hit me when I saw this woman who was on the same carriage as me, at a 10 o'clock direction, leaning beside the pole. It was the same woman I saw on Friday morning - standing on the exact same spot from the pole, at that - and I don't recall her face, but the thing that caught my attention was the same pair of thick, shiny Dior shades stuck ostentatiously above her forehead. I actually saw her again. Maybe the other ten around me were also the same people on Friday. I realised how monotonous and repetitive the adult working life would be. I fear.

Plus the past few days of Timbre / Indochine / clubbing has made me realise the importance of youth. A thirty-something will probably lose the luxury of being anything related to "cool", and with that image lost, you start to behave likewise. You can't find random girls in Timbre for a photo just cause you lost a game of Indian Poker, you can't dance without feeling awkward, you shy away from attention and keep a low profile just cause that's what adults do. And so all you people out there, go out and do crazy things before you grow too old to do anything wacky. Have fun now so you wouldn't have to rush your bucket-list when the world is going to end. By the way, I'm (completely) not a believer in 2012 or any religious estimation of the end of the world. But even so, the world could end anytime and I'll happily say I've no regrets. So be inspired by me and start living your life! Thanks, I'll take the credit for your happiness.

Hello NAC, I've got a suggestion.

2010-12-20T17:17:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking on the bus home that the local musician community step out to promote local music. I was thinking about how cool it would be if they sang live on public buses. I mean, you can't get bands with drum sets and all to do that but acoustic singers and musicians with simple instruments, performing on the top level of double-deck buses. It could be this one day event to promote local music, a collaboration with SBS and performance on designated buses. I like the whole idea of bringing music close to the heart of ordinary Singaporeans, to fuel their interest in the local art scene. I think it's cool that the whole thing is mobile, fans could board the bus when they want, while ordinary people going from a place to another could actually get to understand and appreciate local talents - you know, since everyone on buses are listening to their MP3(s), why not make the music come to life, performed in front of you? It's obvious that not all genres suit everyone, but then those uninterested could just move to the lower deck to continue their undisturbed travel. How interesting uh, someone should suggest this to the National Arts Council. I will be on Inch Chua's bus. Okay fuck I gotta stop this I'm becoming way too fan-boy-ish for my own good. P.S. I visit her Facebook page almost everyday to check for updates, and yesterday I posted a comment on its wall and now I feeling like slapping myself for it.

Plus sorry Suwen & Wenxin - you guys are overseas but - I'm not going to be able to design your wedding planning company's website anytime soon. Hey, don't laugh, they are really serious about it. I think the one-year hiatus from designing web templates have drained all my creativity away. I was just trying to start on something simple a few days ago, but I didn't experience any "stroke of genius" or inspiration so I couldn't. The first thing I start on after a hiatus is always extremely sub-standard so I'll not try to start on your wedding site first huh. I'll need loads of stock images though. I'll start on my blog first. Not that I'm selfish or anything, but as experimentation. I'm going to simplify this blog template cause I still think it's too much. Sick and tired of it.

Speaking about designing - don't any of you regret going to JC? I was just talking to my brother about it the other day and we realised how useless JC was compared to our peers at Poly. Instead of studying for the math and sciences I could have done modules on flash web templates, graphic design, use of Adobe Illustrator and Dreamweaver and Indesign which I've to try to pick up from scratch after the A' levels. I could have been a master at such things, and then I'll probably be able to earn my holiday-income from those. Sucks, huh. I mean, after-all if you enjoy what you did in Poly, you're probably going to score well and you'll still end up in Uni anyway huh. Ugh, stop complaining.

Satisfied.

2010-12-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

I'm satisfied. I've been having quite a fulfilled life the past few days. I've seen many whom I haven't seen for months, and yeah, I stopped having those days where you're at home and have no idea what to do. I like what I'm working as now. It's quite boring, working at this company which does import/export on screws, buying screws from China and reselling them to other firms in neighbouring countries or Singapore firms. My jobscope's either to weigh and package screws, or to paste labels over them. Once in a (long) while carry a few boxes here and there but that's really all. Brainless stuff really, which is good cause I could think about things, and I'm the kind who can actually enjoy / appreciate time alone, so I'm cool with that. Plus there's aircon and 98.7 so nothing bad. I'm the only teenager working there though, it's filled with adults and honestly we don't have much in common to talk about but hey they are real nice to me. Plus it's 9 to 6, flexible cause I go on days when I want to (or days they want me) and it's $7.50 per hour. I've done 2 days of work last Thursday and Friday, so I hope they crave for manpower in the next few weeks so I could work as much as possible. I sure hope it's not going to be a once a week thing.

Plus hey on my Friday lunch break, guess what I did? I actually visited a museum lol! In a one-hour lunch break, I had lunch within 10 minutes, and explored the place. I mean, I didn't know there was a museum up the hill, but I love nature so I naturally trailed into the hill, and found a museum at half-way to the top. Reflections at Bukit Chandu, plus (have I mentioned?) students, under MOE's art education plans, have free entry to all museums. So I stepped in for 15 minutes, took a look around and went down the hill. I was feeling amused the whole visit cause I was like - I must be the only person who's weird enough to visit a museum during a 1 hour lunch break at work. I may actually visit it again if the old people don't drag me along to lunch with them again (like Thursday, which was pretty awkward).

Yeah, and on Saturday I managed to squeeze in family day with dinner with Liqin Angell and Yuting, Liqin went home after that but the three of us went around Clarke Quay to look for pubs with a live band singing Christmas songs. Couldn't find anything with a decent live band, but we ended up in Indochine and hey there was a live band! Some guy with shoulder-length hair (I think?) and a very MILF singer with black leather leggings and all, with a very Duffy way of singing - which is a good thing, btw. They took requests and it was awesome. I forced Duffy songs on her. Haha, nah she was very willing. Volleyball farewell today (Sunday) and tomorrow I'm going back to visit Wushu training with some J2s, 09S65 at night, which is great cause they are almost everyone I've wanted to meet since after A' levels. Tuesday back to work, and I'm surprised how everything fits in so perfectly.

Anyway do listen to the original composition by Inch Chua and Nathan Hartono. A really good mid-afternoon chill out tune. I can't wait for the next time Inch Chua's going to perform, she's going to NZ in Jan though, so that may unfortunately be a long time. BOOHOO.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head.

2010-12-13T18:59:00.002+08:00

SPRING's assessment centre today was surprisingly (very) delightful. I mean, I thought it was damn great fun man, hit it off well (extremely) with my group mates and we had chemistry yo. The rest of the to-be-scholars there were a real good chat as well. This is possibly one of the times I had fun while doing something to work towards my future. You know, other than having fun clubbing and getting wasted. P.S I think I'll need at least $50 of drinks to get wasted - which I'm never going to afford - anyway, you guys should totally try this drink called Kahlua, it's Baileys-like but better. A sip of it can make you feel... happy. Really, Wenxin and Suwen both stands up for it.

Back to what I was talking about: I mean, who knew a scholarship assessment could be so enjoyable? People tell me such assessments are usually filled with RJ/HCI elites who shoot you down or others who really just try to impress by talking a lot (of nonsense) but today was totally different. I think I forgot about how I'm supposed to display leadership skills and all but the entire group discussion was just extremely natural. In the 3rd round they presented a case topic which I was already passionate about so that felt great. Instead, through the AC today I actually want to join SPRING a lot more. Would be nice to have these other people as colleagues huh.

So yeah, today was pleasant. I mean, I will no longer have Ke$ha blasting into my ears at clubs and having a semi-transparent SPRING presentation pushing me to stop playing and get to work. Also, because I tanked the entire presentation in the past 2 days (and slept at 3am yesterday) this is a huge contrast. Like it's 50% of the "end of A' levels" feeling. And a small thanks to my bad attitude towards studying for 1.5 years of JC, I just received a mail of $250 for good improvement from mid-years to prelims. Plus DBS finally sent me my PIN number activation after waiting many grueling days ever since I re-applied for a new ATM when I lost [then returned] (and deactivated) my previous one a while back.

Just for laughs.

Post-prom.

2010-12-07T07:17:00.000+08:00

Went to VJC's post-prom a couple of hours ago. Actually scrape that, cause I think there were about only 40 VJC kids and the rest were a mix of NJC peeps and VS guys and random weird ang-mohs who hang out on a Monday night. Indochine was quite pathetic. The dance floor's about the size of the room I'm in right now (your average bedroom) and the place was just really small. Lack of crowd, lack of whatever's supposed to be VJC's post-prom.

And plus I thought a rookie like me would be easily drunk enough to dance while feeling the high, but drinking others' coupons - possibly more than 4 coupons of Vodka plus whatever else didn't cut it man. The most I felt warm cheeks but that was all. Okay great I'm finally feeling sleepy, I should get to bed now.

What A Difference A Day Makes.

2010-12-04T18:34:00.001+08:00

What a difference a day makes, twenty four little hours brought the sun and the flowers where there use to be rain.

Jamie Cullum's What A Difference A Day Makes.

I'm feeling exceptionally great with myself right now. Many little small happy things make a really happy me. Satisfied, mostly. So the day started at 12pm when we woke up at Daniel's house. That's first - hanged with Phoenix yesterday and it was great, haven't met up in full for a while, great talking to Wenx. But yeah, this time we didn't sleep with Daniel's power blinds so we could get up at 12pm.

And then I got 2 boxes of contacts today. Finally, I did it, though it's without my mum knowing cause she's all "NO, NEVER!" about getting contacts. For years. BUT WOAH, it was fresh, the feeling. After I struggled for a minute or two of putting a piece of soft lens on my eye ball, I looked out into the vast sea of people in Hougang mall, not bounded by that rectangular frame, the smile uncontrollably breaks through my suppression at my ends. I was smiling weirdly at nothing. But yeah, that's like my greatest achievement today.

And before that I also went to my mum's tailor's house at Buangkok to have two pairs of my jeans altered. So instead of wearing them with low confidence, or worse throwing them away, I now have 2 pairs of jeans that I can actually wear. Previously, none. So that possibly saved me $69.90 on a pair of Topman jeans I set my eyes on when shopping with Suwen yesterday.

And today, I kicked Singapore's public system in the face today. I mean, I finally got to make full use of the distance fare. After it's been scamming me for months by getting me to pay 58cents for a direct bus from home to school - of course, after a while I learnt to make use of the circle line - but still! And yeah okay, I know right, this is so measly. But hey, I went from Daniel's house (Pasir Ris) to home at Serangoon, took a poop and bath, went to Buangkok to make measurements for the 2 pairs of jeans, and went to Hougang Mall to get my contacts and it was all capped at 58 cents. I got 2 free trips, thankyouverymuch.

Of course, I'm really happy and all, but it's not all good news. In 8 days since Wednesday the 27th, I've spent $247.40. Luckily I've taken out a large (costly) portion of my to-do list, so the rest of the weeks should be a lot better. I hope.

Oh yeah, and today timing for things were perfect for me. Going back from Hougang to Buangkok, I missed bus 27 at the interchange and ran through a shortcut and managed to catch it at the next bus stop. And before that, when I came out of the bus from Buangkok to Hougang, I saw quite a crowd outdoors at Hougang Central, so I walked towards it and turns out Sezairi Sezali was going to start playing. I sat through his two songs and left after he stepped down from the stage. Quite unfortunate though, there wasn't really a visible crowd who was interested in his music, he was playing and the old MPs were just chatting and socializing downstage. Most of the crowd were old folks who didn't understand what he was singing anyway. I mean, I get that the event was to promote racial and religious harmony so maybe he wasn't the focus, but the sight is just... a bit sad. And the sound system outdoors with merely two large speakers didn't do him any justice. Makes you ponder huh, Singapore Idol and all that effort.

Just extracting some memories into my pensieve.

2010-11-30T02:03:00.003+08:00

I have this feeling I'm going to come back and get hooked onto blogging. What's up man, I gotta grow out of this. Eighteen, come on, blogging is child's play. But too bad I'm still going to stick around. Blogging is seriously like my pensieve now, my brain's probably flooded any minute without extracting these memories out of my head. Cause there's so much going on with my life right now, and I'm no longer chained by the stupid A' levels. And "stupid" isn't said with a lack of vocabulary - education in Singapore's come to this point whereby it's really just snowballing without any real purpose. A generation on and our kids will have fucking zero SOL, they'll be studying every single moment of their lives that they can recall. But this is a whole blog post altogether and I'm not going to blabber about it now. I recall having this conversation at Gavin's house a couple of days ago.

Anyway, it's 1.37AM right now and the only reason why I'm blogging is because I gotta get these swirling thoughts out of my head, otherwise I'm never going to fall asleep and then tomorrow I wouldn't reach Harbourfront at 9am sharp and I'll lose out on some juicy news Sandra's supposed to tell me and also I'll be... late. Like you know, it's never nice to be late. Plus I'm bloody excited for tomorrow (dude, I haven't been in Sentosa for as long as I can remember) so yeah. Great day/week/months ahead.

I've been reading The Time Traveler's Wife these few days. I just wanted to upload and frame up the photo on top of this paragraph, but right before I realized my password Photobucket banned me from signing in cause I made too many failed attempts. Screw Photobucket. In any case, you could Google for picture if you're really... philistine. Sorry not very appropriate but in any case I wanna show off vocab that I actually studied for GP but didn't get to use. Oh, yeah, I did study (at least a day) for GP. Everyone does that here, too bad. But well, it's a great book. I'm only halfway through it but it's really good. The kind of love novel which isn't so cheesy (and boringly expected) that it's only meant for girls who crave vampire bites from white muscular guys, but yet completely make you want to fall in love. I mean, I'm 99% sure I want to marry Clare if I met her. And woah Audrey Niffenegger does a bloody good perspective of Henry. All the narration in Henry's viewpoints, it's those small guy things which you think girls won't think of, it's all in there. Salute, (wo)man. After watching Harry Potter today, the image of Ginny kinda got stuck onto Clare's face though. The whole lighthearted, orange-haired look with freckles. Still does fine as a wife.

And a bit about Harry Potter - I don't know if I'm the only one feeling it, but the director (or J.K. Rowling) must have been doing a bloody good job cause I'm getting all these deja vu of all the places in Harry Potter. I've a feeling Rowling described them well, and the whole producing team did a great job of capturing the scenes. And it's not even about the scenes possibly appearing in the previous movies, cause I've got these sentiments ever since the first movie. Mcgonagall, for example, was a perfect extract from my imagination. They just turned my entire imagination into a movie.

I get the sense I'm starting to bore you with this load I'm pouring off here, and I just had my second yawn so that signals easy sleep after this. I'll be here again before you know it.
P.S. I'm going to change my layout soon. I'm bored of these colours. I want something more sketchy. I'll do it as soon as I get time enough to do it.

New and ready to vrooomm~

2010-11-27T20:34:00.002+08:00

Today's the day I tear myself apart from all Mandarin music, to make space for the less-mainstream music junkie I'm going to become. Haha, no but really, I just deleted all my Mandarin music from my iPod Touch so I'm just left with Hebe's latest album. K-pop / J-pop stays, unfortunately. I don't want to become an angmoh kantang and I'm totally proud of my Chinese roots. But as the Chinese say it, if the old doesn't go, the new wouldn't come. That's a direct translation, I'm sorry my linguistic abilities can't take me to any rephrasing which suits better. Oh yeah so I Googled: Be off with the old, on with the new. Thank you very much.

So yeah, this is 1.5GB of space currently inviting all the new tunes from White Rabbits (check them out, British Alternative Punk), a bit of Jazz, still the usual Glee and others. I think it wouldn't last till May next year (where I officially lose my life and stop having new music). So in the meantime I'm contemplating between an iPod Classic, a new iPod Touch (which unfortunately has a camera and cannot be brought into camp) or a second hand iPod Touch in fair condition (at least 32GB). Thinking about it, scrape the Classic. Not in hot pursuit though, pretty much out of cash at the moment. There's still a set of dailies (lenses) to buy, new clothes and everything else to... sustain my life till May.

OHGOD speaking about white rabbits and Chinese roots - eh it's a total coincidence I didn't plan to link to this - there's this fucking slut who deserves to die. Sat on and flattened a rabbit in joy. That bitch, fucking Chinese bitch. Link here: China Hush - Young Girl Abuses and Kills Little Rabbit, but really don't fucking click on it unless you're extremely strong hearted. I mean, it's a billion times worse than hearing scary back-masking tunes. I only saw pictures and I was extremely freaked out, and weirded out. There's a fucking video, shit. The 3 bitches took a fucking video. But you could go to the site, check it out for other news. If the Chinese govt. found out about it, I can be damned sure it's the first to be banned on their list.

On a lighter note, my favourite American ah-lian:

Cold, cold is the sheep with no wool.

2010-11-20T01:22:00.002+08:00

I'm just about on the brink of deleting my Facebook account. But I'm too superficial to do it. Seriously, I think currently, right now, it's the biggest motivation killer. I'm on Facebook everyday and I almost fucking hate myself for it. It's forming that little blood-sucker behind my neck and it's drawing up all my drive. I could have a thousand people telling me it's alright and A level's going to be over soon but Facebook would just fuck everything up.

I go on Facebook and I see everyone else having a life and I feel sad. Facebook's made that way huh, friends with greatest activity get the spotlight on your news feed and then - you feel inferior. Enough is never enough, you're just never going to stop doing cross comparisons between yourself and others, between him and her, between them and us. It's a bloody happiness vacuum. For the time you're stuck at home half heartedly, unable to gather enough motivation to say "screw off Internet, I'm going to study now" and too sane to go "fuck the A' levels". And then your only channel of possible "life" is Facebook and you feel like a loser, your seniors are out there having fun, your juniors are doing things worthwhile with their lives. You don't see the rest who are feeling the same as you, and you forget that you're not alone in this fight. Nevermind, I'm going to be too cool for that pathetic site after the As, I won't have time to spare there any longer.

My 18th birthday was almost completely empty, thanks to the As and sucky Physics paper. Except for the night before physics when I finally felt the stress A levels were supposed to bring, birthday messages from some you'd least expect totally helped. Oh and of all people I wanna thank Ben Zhang specially, eh I dunno why but I think you just got the right timing or something. Super helped, dude.

Yeah, one and a half years ago I decided with LY that we'll keep our birthdays on Facebook hidden cause flooded walls are flooded with superficiality. Okay, that's a bit extreme but I mean, honestly speaking those are about 80% of non-genuineness huh. I do it sometimes too but I've always tried to control myself - depends on my mood really. But anyway I hate it that Facebook's over-controlling my life. Honestly an empty wall during your birthday makes you feel like crap, tempts you to just sneakily reveal your birth-date but I suck it in and control. I said I wouldn't be superficial. At least I know those of you who messaged are those who really care, (even though some of you were reminded by others right, but haha) and I genuinely thank you for it.

No more Facebook for the next 4 days. I now make an oath and will follow what I promised.

On a side note, Inch Chua has officially replaced Zee Avi as the best local (or regional) acoustic girl in my heart. "Hurt" and "Wallflower"'s pretty emo and I pretty like it. The cheerful songs have some good tunes too, really. Some day if she's ever going to perform at Timbre, I'm going to be there.

P.S. FUUUUUU I just found out she opened for 53A at Substation when I was typing this yesterday (Friday). FUUUUUU A levels. I should have gone anyway the whole of yesterday was chat and relax in school and I came home to chat online and I slept at 3am anyway. Could have been an Timbre and back home and sleep at the same time. FUUUUUU

Brandon Flowers.

2010-11-02T13:00:00.000+08:00

Just look into his eyes. His expressions. He totally feels for the song and it's so... nice to watch. I'm in love with ~~him~~ his songs. I've just looped that more than 10 times while surfing the internet. I wish I could be sitting there on the hill-top listening to him sing. Honestly, A' levels in 7 days, I don't know what I'm doing right now. Think I'm quite spaced out. Getting out of house later, people like me who lack control should get out of the house. Anyway,

On September 9, 2010, Brandon said he was missing the band and hopes to rejoin them in 2011.

I hope they fucking world tours again. Don't skip out on Singapore again. I have to go to the Killers' concert at least once in my life. Before I die, or Brandon Flowers die.

Final Lap. Come on just about 20 days, to the start of the A' levels and then to its end. All the way and all the best, we can do this!

2010-10-18T13:01:00.000+08:00

Today my iPod Touch looped Taylor Swift's The Best Day on shuffle. Reminds me of the year end during Sec 4. I can't wait to experience that again. This time, probably even better. I'm thankful for some specific songs that I looped time and again during different periods of my life, they really bring back the memories. Love Song by Sara Bareilles, Lovebug by Jonas, The Best Day by Taylor Swift, Baby, It's Fact by Hellogoodbye and more. <3

To Hebe.

2010-09-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

Hebe trys out folk and alternative. I think she came to know that I like folk. HAHA. I've listened to a song so far and it's not too bad. Though my bro says it isn't impressive. Going to start playing these songs on my iPod, I think I'll start to adore her after this. I mean, I did adore her, but lost it when US/UK songs flooded my iPod. My iPod's currently 85% English, 10% Mandarin and 5% Korean, Cantonese, Japanese and Thai. And it's full up. Like 0.03GB left available. After I deleted yet another 15 Mandarin songs today, to make space for Hebe and Glee.

Here's another show to get on after the A levels. New drama, staring Maggie Q. and a pretty girl, who, if you're observant enough, is actually the small girl at the start of (most) How I Met Your Mother episodes, the daughter on the couch. REAL PRETTY in Nikita. Anyway it's a great show, and that's kind of an understatement. I think it's better than Glee, but that's on different levels, of course. It's on till episode 3 now, so you could also be as cool as me and start watching it now, then have everyone else copycat you later and follow your trend. Oh yeah and I watched Resident Evil at JB yesterday, woah hell lot of girl action shows, hot stuff man. Resident Evil's actually good. First time catching the series, after As I'll go back and watch the previous few.

Oh yeah so in the past month that I haven't blog, quite a lot has happened. I studied quite a lot, I got a traffic ticket for jaywalking, I slept beside a cat, and the rest I can't be bothered to recall. I'm actually online almost everyday (night) but yeah I'm just lazy. What an extremely time consuming activity. I think A levels made us all really efficiency-concerned people. I get jittery on the train now if I'm not doing anything else besides listening to music. I have to slide my iPod Touch around and pretend I'm doing something, otherwise I'll feel bad. Even watching Glee, I tabbed away at the last part when Rachel sang that lame love song (cause it was so boring) and started browsing the net. Singaporeans have a too fast pace though. I was freaking chillin' and looking at the environment while walking back home, and the mall construction's created this pathway which could only allow single-file walking, and everyone else behind me was walking so fast and pressuring me to speed up. Extremely uncomfortable.

K I'll see you in maybe another month's time.

"Begging, begging youuuuu~"

2010-09-07T08:34:00.000+08:00

I ran for the first time in a month. Phew I did. Last time I did was when the electronic panel outside of Serangoon MRT told me it was a minute to my train coming, tuition at Hougang starts at 10.30am when it was already 10.29am. I ran down a flight of escalator, past the tap-in barrier, down another escalator and got into the train right before it closed. I stood in the train while it moved off and I felt like I was going to faint. Took the whole 5 minute train ride to recover.

My studying progress is... not too bad. It's not real fast, I'm not really driven, but this will do. It's totally possible to keep up my pace all the way till A levels. I should be able to do it. And it's totally stress-free. Studying like that (oh, powerful Scrabble Board) is great. But then I've been studying in school at the Scrabble Board forever, I can't start on anything at home. Reached home at 5 yesterday, all I did was 5 questions. OH I discovered this nice Thai song which I keep looping on my iPod.

SOT crash course these 2 days, I swear it beats everything I've learnt in GP lessons in school. Actually, I think I've learnt nothing in GP lessons in the past 2 years. On hindsight, they are completely useless. Might as well do something fun like LA lessons in Dunman High. Attending it was more sing-song-talk-cock with the classmates than paying attention anyway.

Distance only makes the heart grow old and tired.

2010-08-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

Hello world, I just came back from lao-sai-ing immediately after typing "hello world". Anyway, today was productive so it's okay to come and blog. Once in a while wouldn't hurt. Oh I just checked and it seems like there's still this 25 of you coming almost everyday so thanks. Though I think like 5 are the contributors to the ad spam on my tagboard. Oh and I just checked further and a lot of them were Google Image hits, then I feel kinda dumb cause now I'm like talking to nobody. Things are a bit messy on the tagboard so I can't be bothered to reply. But anyway thanks Jeline and Adeline, and I'm not sure if Rina really exists or if she's an advertisement. Otherwise, send me a mail at chew.bolong.2009@vjc.sg and I'll get back to you on your problem. Oh yeah, I think I can completely abandon my hotmail account already cause everything I get from there is spam / bots and useless advertisements from UO etc.

Oh yeah, I've devised a new plan to cram one econs essay outline into every 2 period break from now on, so I won't have to spend anymore Saturdays doing econs the entire day. Speaking about that, yesterday (Saturday) was extremely unproductive I was in school from like 2pm to 11pm and I only did 3 econs essay outlines. Bloody hell. 1.5 hours of work took me 9 hours. Today was the most productive, 2 outlines and 10 chem MCQs in 4 hours. At least there's improvement.

And I can't be more excited about this week. Watching YOG artistic gym with Su on Tuesday (though I crave a bit more for rhythmic gym) and then on Friday I'm going back to DHS to play volleyball in school. Relieve sec 4 times TTM, can't wait for these days! Don't worry I'll still be studying. I think I've reached a certain nirvana, the Internet just seems so... uninteresting now. And plus I'm taking it easy (v. little white hair! YIPEE) so yeah things are not too stressed up for me here. How are you guys doing!

Here to bid farewell!

2010-08-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

Okay sorry I too lazy I not planning to take the photo of my panda bottle anymore.

A VP from some other school, Dennis Yeo came to VJC to talk together. It's been long since I've went to any form of motivational talk, they didn't care about us that much when we were in DHS IP and taking not important end-of-year exams in Year 4. Anyway, for anyone who isn't in VJC, there's this one huge take-away I got from the talk, amidst all the moonwalking bear videos, slides, encouragements, examples and more. [I'm quite surprised there's still 60 uniques yesterday, though it was 24 last Wednesday] But so yeah for you all reading this, here what it was. He took out $500, asked Eduardo and the rest of the PT if we were willing to sacrifice all "worldy pleasures" for the $500. Then, doubled it to $1000. Think about it, 4 weeks to Prelims, 13 or 14 weeks to A' levels. You would do it, right? I would've agreed to do it for $500. I think he didn't want to be like Adam Khoo so he didn't really give out the money, but that really struck me. For this $1000 you're willing to give up all games and computer and study hard for the next few months, but yet for your future you're not? You succumb to temptation and give in, you take much more breaks than you need, you don't feel motivated enough to wreck your brains and figure out that integration question. But think about it, how much do you value your future? Less than a thousand dollars? Less than five hundred? I've never thought about it in this way, so I want to thank him for the enlightenment.

I've wanted to study religiously (literally) in the name of Buddha for a short period of time about a month ago, I gave up after a day or something. But now that things are all coming so close, and that I've just attended that talk, I think I can do it. I want to do it.

Oh and yes a last point: keep all distractions away. Down to taking your phone away from the table you're studying on, and also not listen to the music you think you need. From now on I'm only listening if I'm really feeling sleepy. Cause everytime I listen to the Killers I would start daydreaming about going for their concert and I'll shake my legs to the beat, do subtle headbanging (so people around me don't think I'm crazy) and lose focus. About headbanging - isn't it so weird that you've that huge impulse to headbang and enjoy your music, thinking it's cool to do cause the music's resonating in your head and you've got to groove to it? You just don't notice how stupid you look to someone else who's plugged in to say... jazz or classical. Or others who aren't listening to anything.

I want my SPRING scholarship (and I think I can actually do decently well during the interview) so yeah all the best to me. Bye online social life. I will come back with full As! And study hard peepz don't come here anymore, take that 3 minutes and do a math sum instead, then you can stare at my blog all you want after A' levels alright! :)

Okay I'm officially happy with my new bottle. Free from SUTD at Edvantage, it's plain white and I just painted a panda over it using acrylic. It's now hanging over my table to dry and I'm really happy about it. So now I'm not carrying the same bottle as that annoyance in class. Pictures next time.

2010-07-31T02:22:00.001+08:00

I want my studies in order.

2010-07-28T23:36:00.001+08:00

So yeah, countdown to A' levels. I forgot where I got the link from, but I think I slightly recall one of the DHS teachers creating this at the start of the year. I book-marked it since then.

Yes, so by 100 days, I should have caught-up with all tutorials (or even ahead of them) and started on JC1 revision. Especially for math since I skipped most of the chapters in the CT2s.

VJC's scholarship fair today. I think other than bond-free university scholarships, the only other scholarship I'm interested in is SPRING. But I'm like SHIT INTERESTED in SPRING scholarship. Went for the dialogue session, and I stepped out real interested. Can't really pin-point exactly what it was that interested me, but OMG I'M SO GOING FOR IT. My bro told me it's real tough to get in though, but then again I checked out Brightsparks forum (woah I'm really serious, huh) people said that they got called up for the first interview with ABBB(B). 4 H2s though, so not too sure about my chances. But yeah man new motivation! EH ASK THE MUGGERS NOT INTERESTED IN ENTREPRENEURSHIP TO SCREW OFF LAH :)

Anyway, friends, even if everything currently looks like they are going to fuck up at the end of the year, please stay strong and don't give up! we're friends and we've got your back!

Cute boy to brighten up your day! Friends don't stress k, like what we say in matches, yi fen yi fen qiang hui lai! Anyway OMG don't eat the bubble it's poisonous! Shit okay I accept him as my second future son. After the Ukulele boy boy. OMGWTF I sound like a girl fantasizing over cute kids. But too bad they really irresistible I would die for a son like this. Not literally.

People like you, Gives Me Hope.

2010-07-25T23:19:00.001+08:00

You returned my wallet to VJC's security post on Thursday, 22nd July 2010. I felt elated, honestly. I might have only did a tiny skip of celebration when the general office called me in the morning, but that feeling lasted throughout the day. I feel really fortunate, I thank Buddha cause I've been praying throughout the taxi ride that night, the bus ride home, and my wish came true. But most of all, thank you.

I don't know if you would be reading this, but then nothing on my wallet indicates VJC, so logically I guessed you might have Googled. Then again you might not visit back again, but if in that tiny possibility you are reading this, I sincerely thank you from my heart. Your action gives me hope in society & in humanity. After-all, what the adults describe as a dog-eat-dog world might not be that bad huh? I respect you for your choice to care about the person who've lost his wallet, for the trouble to travel all the way to return it, and most importantly to remain anonymity. I guess if it was me I wouldn't choose to remain anonymous, because who doesn't like to be thanked for hard work, who likes to put in effort but not get credits for it? Of course I would like to see the smile on the owner's face, and a part would be my curiosity for everything. I guess you might not imagine your simple action to be as noble, but I over-think things and yes, it means a lot to me and I am eternally grateful.

iPod Touch is not officially at maximum capacity. I still have plenty of albums I want to put in it. If I get desperate I think I'll bring up the old iPod Nano for the mandarin songs, iPod Touch for all others. Then I'll bring both around. Maybe. Or I'll just give up on mandarin songs altogether. But no, I do like mandarin songs sometimes. I still absolutely love S.H.E and Jay Chou. Songs contain memories to me, those periods of time when I hyped over them, so some of them do remind me of specific friends, specific events, specific happy days also specific deaths, losses and regrets. So yeah that's a lot of my past in there.

I feel like I could just listen to music, lie down and relax, then I won't need to study anymore.

Bloody FML.

2010-07-22T01:06:00.001+08:00

After tuition, peed, went home, wallet gone. Left my wallet on the urinal. I just came back home from running around Marine Parade in slippers and school uniform and it's a shag-dog-day. Losing wallet in school is so unlike losing wallet in the public huh. I've lost my wallet at least twice in school and both times kind-hearted souls returned them to the GO. Puck. I have to learn my lesson soon. One other time I left it in the public toilet, I realised after 10 minutes, dashed back and to my greatest happiness it was still lying there untouched. Why is it always the toilet? I think I get too happy after my relieve myself of the pee I forgot about it. Or maybe I sub-consciously wanted to wash my hands first so I forgot about it. Next time wallet in pocket before you pee.

Fed up with myself lah. My mum's super annoyed with me too. Cause 'keeping valuables in pocket while doing everything' is her... 3rd most-nagged line. That comes after 'family' - ranges from not quarreling with my brother to spending more time with grandma. And in 2nd place 'being careful while crossing roads, go take underpass instead'. So yeah, got nagged at home, on the cab, while walking to the police station, back at home till she went to sleep. Says I'm going to have to pay for my own renewal of the cards. Helpful Brian just told me online it's going to be $60 / $100 for IC replacement. That's $60 for a good excuse and $100 for a bad one or not putting in effort to create a good one. My police report states "lost" cause I honestly told them I lost it in the toilet. Within these days I shall try to victimize myself in a fabricated tale about "lost" wallet so I can save myself $40. I think it's $50 for EZ-link replacement. Pucking broke. So yeah I'll start with collecting money from those who owe me money from Wenxin's birthday present the last time. Desperate times, desperate measures, sorry guys. That's going to get me around $30 back. And then I'm pissed at myself, so now it's $4 each day including transport. That's $0.70 x 2 for direct bus to and fro. And $2.60 for 2 meals in school.

$4 a day policy will discontinue when my budget deficit breaks through the -$200 mark. It's currently -$249.84, with the replacement money it's going to be almost -$400. Yes puck me I'll be doing $4 a day for the rest of my life.

Anyway yeah for anyone who will be reading this because you found my wallet and Googled my name Chew Bolong, please call 96312670 and return me my wallet please! I don't care you can take the $7 I have in my wallet but please return me my identification cards, you can't do anything with them but returning them to me would save me a heck load of money. I will love you for the rest of my life! Please please please thanks! I top-up $10 for you? Kidding. I treat you to a meal lah k?

Last LAN Game.

2010-07-17T01:01:00.002+08:00

Last LAN game of the year (till after A levels). Shit guilty today, LAN overtime and ended up on last bus at 12.15. Felt guilty like crap. Plus full day out tomorrow. I'm not sure of what to expect, for those who know what I'm talking about. Anyway oh my virgin DOTA experience. Dragon knight lol. I think I spent more than three quarters of the game re-spawning, healing at base, walking towards the combat zone, or escaping the enemy chase LOL. Yeah but anyway woah midnight bus damn shiok the bus journey took 20 mins. When it is usually 45 - 50 mins. Plan is catch up with tutorials and the CT2 topics that I didn't study (loads fr math) then at the end of next week it's full force.

[EDIT] (Cause I hate short posts) Watched Inception today, I think it's good, good thrillers always end in cliffhangers don't they? Last time when Shutter Island was out I didn't catch it and I hated it cause everyone was discussing it and I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Somewhat like World Cup a couple of weeks ago. Sucked. But yay for Inception! Oh dinner at Marriott Hotel today was great - food's quite good. Caught up with cousins and our table was a hell lot of laughter. Atmosphere was light and everything nice.

And he said, with some finality:

2010-07-14T23:04:00.000+08:00

I think I can end this. I won't say I'm going to quit cause every time I say that I jinx it up and I end up having an urge to post something again. So yeah, no official goodbye, but I'll just fade off from here, slowly but surely. Till there's none of me left and none of you left and this place becomes soulless. I'm trying to be positive in everyday life, but I think I'll just lose it soon. Recently the vibe around everyone's just... a bit depressing. Some days fun, some days boring, some days sad. From this point on I think it's a down-slope of emotions, of happiness and smiling faces. Studying's inversely proportionate to happiness, afterall. I hate to see everyone sad though, so un-fun.

Guys, if you're reading this, please go off and study okay. Especially Ivan. But eh thanks in a way cause today when Gary scolded you I kind of felt it. It's not exactly motivation, but yes, a bit of a wake-up call. Cause really, in Singapore, you can't do shit without getting grades. It's time to face up to the truth, friends. Don't want to see any sad faces on your faces during A' levels result release okay. <3

I hate it that there are no places you couldgo to study out on a lazy Sunday afternoon.Today was so unproductive, it hurts.

2010-07-11T21:04:00.003+08:00

Pucking Prick.

2010-07-10T00:43:00.001+08:00

Great week. I think this can mark the end of my playing a-fool and start to rush deep into mugging. I shall be looking for people to study with everyday after school. Cause studying at home has recently became mission even-more-impossible. A few days ago I tried to study at home but my mind's always "come on a movie won't hurt". Yesterday I ALMOST wanted to start designing a skin (which takes at least 10 hours to complete), cause I miss playing around with Photoshop and designing skins so much. Going to spam after A' levels I swear. Anyway yeah, today I came home and I saw that my bro had all his crap in the toilet, living room and such. Shit, he's back for good. He's officially a clerk. He's going to be home every single bloody night.

Yeah, L4D today with Creudor OGL guys and watching Spain win Germany at Gavin's huge house that night. I don't watch soccer but I was hoping that Germany would win (I almost did a bet) but that didn't. Bloody Paul-oct, serves him right he's going to be cooked for dinner. But aiya, quite sad leh. Germany lose then the Germans like that to him. Bit sore. They consoled themselves when Paul first ate from Spain, saying that Paul remembered the 2008 Euro Finals where Spain won. Do they even let him watch the match? Anyway, watching the match killed me the next day. Shag like hell day. Plus lots of pimples.

I realise for the past few days I've been using an increasing amount of "fuck"s. I mean, shouting. Think I shouted at least a 100 "fuck"s today in the 3 hours of L4D. Not kidding. You know what? Thinking about it, I also distinctly remember at least 5 "fuck"s on Monday playing Monopoly at Wenxin's house. Monopoly. Plus Wenxin's dad was home so they all gave me stares and "shhh"s when I accidentally let slip one. From now on, I'll say "puck" instead, I learnt this from Skins, and yes, the only vulgarity which starts with P is "prick" so yeah I'm cool like a pucking pitch, pan-ni-nah. Okay no I don't use Hokkein vulgarities they are exceptionally uncouth.

Zell-V Ah-Ma!

2010-07-06T23:11:00.003+08:00

I swear I saw Zell-V Ah-Ma today at Serangoon Central. Went there for lunch cause school food seriously makes me want to puke. Just one meal to remind me of the fact that... VJC has lousy food. Thanks, for contributing to my perfect first day of school. Today sucked lah, eh I miss 4E times. Oh yeah back. You know what, I didn't even feel like giving the image a border cause it's pretty ugly (HAH YES managed an oxymoron), it doesn't really deserve it. Anyway, she was buying rojak or something, flowy flowery knee-length skirt and either a white tank-top or tube. Dresses like as if she's 20something. Damn gross who's she kidding she's at least 50, her face has lots of wrinkles. I took like quite some time to manage to find her face to attach to this post. I've no idea why I thought she had a lot more wrinkles on the ad too. But upon close scrutiny... hmmm I think they made her up well. Maybe it's her true age shining out, that's why I thought she had a lot of wrinkles. But hell yeah real life I swear she has a lot. I mean, she probably depletes the amount of make-up my mum uses in a year for a day, but sorry it's not helping (too) much. Okay yeah wait now I remember I think her voice sounded damn old in the advertisement that's why!

Inevitably, I start to wonder why would a ~~girl~~ sorry, ah-ma would want to do that? I mean, you're rich, okay, maybe you're single, that's justified. But it's not like you're going to hook up young blokes at clubs for a one-nighter? I mean, I don't want to think about what's under the clothes. HAHAHA. Oh shit sorry. Mature content? Anyway. You'll stick out like a sore thumb when you hang out with your bunch of tai-tai friends for high-tea. You are neither here nor there, you get it? You can't hang out with the old peeps at the community centre nor the (slightly) younger generation at (more mature) clubs like St. James or something. And for Buddha's sake, you did a Zell-V advertisement telling everyone you're 60 years old so don't try to deceive anyone else already! And you probably only got a few thousand for that? Maybe one year's supply of Zell-V? Heck, not worth it you know? I think you've already bought 5 years of Zell-V right? Oh man why am I so evil to that innocent Zell-V ah-ma?

Fun fact: I recently heard caffeine releases some bio crap in your right brain that increases your creativity! So that explains mine! HAHA just kidding.

Late nights, hell lot of durians, too little waterI think I've fallen sick.

2010-07-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

The Boat That Rocked / Pirate Radio

2010-07-04T00:38:00.003+08:00

I think it's worth the watch, helps you appreciate music, especially in the age of digital downloads when you've thousands of 'free' tracks in your reach, you hardly remember the excitement of tearing open a fresh CD cover and savoring the tracks in their original sequence, immersing yourself in music. Honestly, in this day and age, great music gets pushed down in our recently added playlist everyday, we hardly get to appreciate them completely, huh? We start listening to new ones before we get to understand the intentions of the music and what it encompasses.

I give it a 4.5, and I really urge you to catch it (where, I don't know) since the CTs are now over and all of us deserve a short break. Sadly, the keyword here's short. Watched Toy Story 3 in 3D yesterday, which sucked. The plot and stuff were good, but watching it in 3D is just painful. Extra 4 dollars on a Friday afternoon which made my ticket $14. Actually $28 in total cause I paid for my brother in lieu of his birthday. It's just painful if you can't see without spectacles, so you have to put on the 3D glasses over your spectacles over your head. Then through the movie you gotta balance your head and spectacles in such a fashion, the loose 3D glasses won't slip off. Felt like crap. Especially when Toy Story 3 had less 3D effects than... the trailer of Cats and Dogs. Cheap 3D effects in Cats and Dogs though, they ended up looking like those pop-up story books, the cats and dogs are almost still 2D but merely raised a layer up, if you get what I mean.

351MB left in my iPod Touch. Don't wanna delete any songs. Shucks.

Squaddlewack

2010-07-01T02:16:00.001+08:00

I realised that running, straight road, ahead in a direction, speeding, not looking back - that's actually a theme for escaping reality in Skins. And uhm, Skins' really so much deeper if you look into it, helluva themes floating around.

Scooped.

2010-06-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

This is a one-off whining. Quick one. After chem today Kelly asked if I've started to feel the stress, thinking about it... no. I'm feeling even less stressed than in secondary 4, which is extremely un-normal. Guess cause then everyone was motivated and we were all just studying together. Came home today around 5pm and till now, I did one Differentiation question. Fucking fantastic. I cannot afford to hear another person / closet mugger complaining about not studying. I wish everyone else was working real hard and instead constantly telling me about how much they did, how much they've studied. Like how Sandra did. Which was great. I know it's kinda ironic that I'm saying this cause right now I'm complaining. But yes, I'm off. Motivation right now is so much lesser than what I had 2 weeks ago. Why?

Over Over Over.

2010-06-29T01:07:00.006+08:00

Econs' finally over. No more arts subject. For CT2s, at least. This time I'm pretty glad cause I've spent most of the holidays on chem and phys and the other 2 are just plain screwed. People who like sciences more than arts are muggers. Yes I've joined in the ranks! Somehow econs wasn't extremely bad today. I did manage to keep my hand occupied 85% of the time. Best econs exam yet. I'm hoping I can finally emerge from the S-E border victorious. Chemistry tomorrow. Plan's to sleep soon and wake up study. Gotta squeeze some math in though. I'm quite proud of my chem organic mindmap. Everything in an A3, coolios. You guys are so jealous of me. But too bad H2ers would prolly need... a vanguard sheet. That's what Perle said her friend did.

Oh anyway just 2 weeks ago I realised that I'm excessively using "like" in speech. It's like impossible to like illustrate an example like clearly without using excessive "like"s. Seriously, and I've started to become conscious of the word. I'm not the only one. But then my speech gets awkward every time I realise I'm using too much of it cause I'm so afraid the person on the other end can sense it too. Need to change. The thesaurus doesn't provide any synonyms in this context. Boo thesaurus rhinoceros tyrannosaurus.

In addition (kcouped from Tzuhsiang):

Awesome 1. and Awesome 2 below:

Oh and last thing: just now I shaved off the bottom half of my sides in the bathroom. I did a subtle one 2 days ago but no one noticed. Which annoyed me a bit. So I needed to be a bit more extremist. Now the bottom half's almost bare. I've no idea why I did it. I guess the standard haircut's starting to feel boring. But I used my razor blade instead of a proper shaver though so it's a bit uneven. And shit I dunno why I'm staying up late to read blogs / surf the net. I care about my midyears. I wanna do well. But life's so many choices and I'm not great at decision making.